Well January started the new year of 2020 but an unforseen event was taking shape on January 11 as i decieded to go rolllerskakting a moment that i will never forget and has place the brakes on everything that was going on in my life. I ended up shattering my ankle that required emergency surgery and having me in the hospital for 3 days. But the funny part was that they never feed me either unlike my stay at Riddle Hospital, I guess they figured out that i didnt needed to be feed. I dont wish anyone going through such agony with broken bones which has left me with several screws, bolts, plate and of course putty. the putty was used to glue together the cartlidge in and around the joint area. The accident was ranked as a trauma case that was what the severity it was. Since January 11th i have been bed ridden untill recently i have started PT, so far i have gone three times. I am constantly in pain with no relief and at night it gets worse that i dont want to be around anymore so i wont feel the horrible pain, i surely would love to sleep the whole night without any disruptions. but that is just wishfull thinking. i feel the screws in my ankle when i lay in certain positions and i feel the plate that is attached to my bones that it touches my bone causing more pain, pretty much every day i break down crying due to the pain and on top that i am still dealing with my ex to be and on top of that i had to go to Pa. to sign papers so she can get another car i mentioned to them that i cant travel but i had no choice in the matter they came down and got me and the whole time i was in pain. they didnt care and they never thanked me for helping her at all. but the interregation was something else that i had to becareful in what kind of answers i gave them, i had hoped that i was going to be able to see my two boys as she promised me that i would but of course i was disappointed that i didnt because my oldest son was still living there even though she told me that he moved out. but she told me that i should make plans when he wasnt around. I still dont understand why they hate me but my guess is that im the bad person because i left to transition even though i told them that wasnt the case. When i went with them i didnt go as Danielle, went as my biological self only to find out that i wasnt going to see them. but of course gabby gets her way like her mother. I spoke to my wife for a little bit telling her what was going on with me and in August my primary care doctor wanted me to see an Endiocynoligist (excuse the spelling ) and he drawn some blood work only to find out that my body was producing to much estradiol and not enough testosterone, he wanted to treat me for it but i said just let it be and i also mentioned that i start hormone theropy to become a woman, but she did ask me if i was going to have the surgery as i told her i decied when i get to that bridge telling her im dealing with this broken ankle and i dont know how long it is going to take to heal and everything is on hold. I do miss being around her and my kids, I cant say that i dont, but deep down in my heart she was not going to change. I just did not like the idea of telling me she hopes that i enjoy being around my new family, but i miss my boys. but i dont miss the abuse that she and everyone else was dishing out.

She still blows up my phone when someone makes her mad and takes it out on me. on how hard things are and i threw away my family but she gets her pop shots in saying that im going to get you for every nickle and dime even though i get just enough to live. Im waiting for the divorce paper to come through but in Pa. and she wasnt honest with me about it that she went to legal aid and filed an 18 month divorce but previously she told me that gabby gave her money to get the divorce. I just dont believe some of the things she says to me. like papers she tells me that she sent and having an empty pobox. I am getting tired of all the redrick and sometimes i dont want to live anymore dealing with the pain and the threats from her, I am tired and i want to give up life. As if i really needed to get hurt and dealing with the pain for the rest of my life i just dont want any parts of it.