Braed,

Actually the last thing you would want to do is harm yourself, it accomplishes nothing, if anything it coumpounds the anguish.

Now, I would suggest you find yourself a therapist who can properly diagnose you so you can take the healthy steps to correct your situation

Meanwhile, I strongly recommend that you accept this new development in your life instead of fighting it or seeing as the enemy, as it were.

Learn to accept and love yourself as imperfect as you think you are right now. You will have to do that work in therapy anyway so you might as well start now

So as I see it, the root of your dysphoria lies in the belief that your body is not the body you see yourself as, that is as it is yet most of the anguish may come from the belief that it should not be that way, that what is happpening is unfair, etc, the way to ease that endless self defeating chatter is to surrender and let this situation be what it is.

The anguish tels us that it should happen now and in a certain specific way but I learned that life hardly goes the way we want it, it is only when we stop struggling, fighting and let go of our discontent thst doors that were closed before open to us.

It took me a while to learn that, I was not able to transition for 30 years because it was not available at the time but it was not until I realized that I had to change my perspective about my predicament that not only I found the right therapist for me but also the right doctor to care for me during my transition.

Hope this helps,
Wolf (FTM since 1987)

When I am feeling extremely dysphoric I try to focus on things that aren't related to my physical appearance. I really like to play guitar, and it is something that I can focus all my attention on and be productive. Perhaps when you are feeling overwhelmed by you dysphoria you might try to immerse yourself in a hobby or activity that makes you feel proud of yourself. Inflicting pain on yourself in my experience only causes deeper pain to the presenting problem. It is super hard, and I can really empathize with you on that. Another thing I do sometimes is make a list, or have a friend help me make a list of all the positive qualities that I have that aren't related to my gender. You can do it. I believe it.