I'm going to make this as short as possible. I am nineteen years old and I have been depressed all of my life. At the beginning, I didn't know why I was so depressed and felt so out of place. I felt like I don't belong, I used to self-harm and even attempted suicide when I was about fifteen. I always knew that I had gender issues because I've always felt like I was a female(I was assigned male at birth). As many other transgender people do I too even when I was a child felt as if I was the opposite gender, in fact, I was so convinced that I thought when puberty hits me I would grow as a woman, but obviously, that was not the case. 

As I grew older the depression grew along with me, it was always by my side and never let me do anything. I had a really hard time in school, I couldn't focus and it was always so gloomy. It kept getting worse and worse and when I was eighteen years old(last year) I got help from my first therapist. I explained to him how I felt and everything in detail. We talked for about a year or less and he diagnosed me with Gender Dysphoria. It took me a while to come to terms with it and I accepted it. And for the first time in my life, I felt happy and I felt relieved cause I have finally found why I have been depressed and feeling out of place for all of these years. But that happiness lasted a short while because my family is really religious. All I've heard about the LGBT+ community was that they will all be going to hell. I started worrying if I would ever be my true self. That lead to a lot of stress and my depression was once again back stronger than ever. 

I kept talking to my therapist but it felt like he wasn't of much help. All he did was just sort of listen to whatever I had to say and then reply with something along the lines of "it's okay to feel this way". At this point, I had lost a lot of hope but I decided to switch therapists and try to get better just one more time. To my surprise, the new therapist was really great. Far better than the old one. She explained everything way clearer and she too diagnosed me with Gender Dysphoria. She suggested that I start taking hormones because my dysphoria was only just getting worse day by day. 

The thought of hormone replacement therapy was relieving and joyful because I would finally look more like my real gender. But for me to go on hormones I needed the support from my family, I came out to my siblings a few months ago. And they accepted me, or so they say. They do not treat me any different and still treat me like the gender I was assigned at birth but they claim to be supportive of my mental condition. But at first, they tried to "pray" away my "illness" and that resulted in a very traumatic experience for me. When they realized it wouldn't work they "accepted" me. 

Anyway, due to religion and the things that my siblings told me to try and change how I feel about my gender I keep doubting myself. I've been really depressed this whole week because I keep doubting myself whether or not I'm transgendered. I keep getting panic attacks and just randomly burst out crying. I try to convince myself I am the gender I assigned at birth but I just can't do it. It feels so uncomfortable and I shiver at the thought. My therapist and everyone who supports me tells me not to doubt myself and that I am female. Even my therapist told me that all the data shows I'm transgendered so I do not have to worry. But I still worry and I still doubt because I fear to make the wrong decision. Making the wrong decision, not in the sense like transitioning and wanting to revert back, making the wrong decision in the sense like, transitioning and what if it's a sin? Or like what if I face lots of discrimination or something, I don't know. I'm just really confused.

Basically, I just want to know if how I feel is valid. I want to have zero doubts about my gender identity and move on with my life. Because this has really ruined my life and I've accomplished nothing because I feel crippled by this whole thing.