Well I am not sure if this is going to cheer you up or not and I don't know where you are at, but your mom actually did you a favor. I don't know anything about this tavi clinic or where it is at, but there is nothing stopping you from going to an endochrinologist and getting hormones. MOST people don't go to gender clinics, they go to therapists that are independent, find a doctor to prescribe and go. I also am not entirely sure where you got your information but you don't have to be on blockers for a year before starting estrogen. You can start them at the same time and they will work just fine. Now where your mom did you a favor is that taking just estrogen will do 0 good and likely make absolutely no changes physically for you, and alternatively could kill you. In order to be able to have them be effective you have to have the testosterone blocked (since it is the dominant hormone of the 3) and then have your estrogen raised to an appropriate level. NOTE I said appropriate and that is something you wont be able to know unless you are a scientist and understand biology and physiology and run your own bloodwork at home. So in the end your online purchases would have simply been a waste of money. Likewise it would show an irresponsibility with the hormones which can make many doctors and therapists unwilling to treat you. So self medicating is self sabotaging. So now to the part about transition and the fact that if you don't start soon you cant. Again I have no idea where you get your information but you are WAY wrong. I didn't start till I was 32 and I am 40 now and still working on it. Yes if you don't start by 25 the changes to the body decrease a bit (if the women in your family have mostly D cups you would likely get a C cup kinda things) but its not that bad. You are 16, get a good education, get a good paying job and in 2 years there is little stopping you except yourself. Transition is not cheap and you will need to support yourself. The physical changes you listed (height and voice and adams apple) those aren't going to change. Testosterone isn't one that the changes reverse, but happily there are ways to resolve every one of them.... well height you are stuck with. There are procedures to trim down the adams apple (it will decrease a small amount with estrogen but not much) and the low voice is trainable and there are procedures there too. The 6'3 thing is irrelevant to anything other than I don't recommend high heels. I dated a woman who was taller than you are. Just because you are tall does not mean not passable, you are just an amazon :P There is absolutely nothing you have listed here that is not able to be dealt with in one way or another and if you off yourself you wont ever make it. I know that running through your head right now is that I just don't understand.... well I lived it. I lived it back when there was no treatment other than conversion therapy, so yeah I do understand. You can live through this too and lucky for you, you only have to wait 2 years to be able to do something about it.... I had to wait until 32. You can do this if you choose, but that choice is yours. are you strong enough to get through it? Fact is you can transition at ANY age, its just you have to be willing to get there.

Like I said, I don't know if this cheered you up or not, but its the best I can do. I believe the only ones who cant transition are the ones who have not gotten informed, done their research and who choose not to (suicide, excuses to not, or other means of not doing it). I am also not going to lie to you and say everything will be fine and it will all be handed to you. It wont be handed to you, you have to fight for it. You've a lot of life ahead of you and while this second things may not be great for you, are you willing to really toss out all the time you have ahead to have it go right? stop worrying about the stages, stop worrying about the passing, stop worrying about the whole thing and go step by step and do it right, don't cut corners. you wont like the results if you do. Passing is more confidence than anything else, and if you observe there are tall women with very deep voices, so that isn't really a thing now is it. work towards the goal, stop trying to end it and do it right. research, you have the internet, find options near by. There are always options, you have to look and be willing to use them.

Seems like I'm always coming in following WyndWytch - I agree with the advice she gave you regarding online meds and self medicating. Here's a bit to go with it. I self-medicated a few years ago and ended up with a life-threatening blood clot that requried emergency surgery. That set me back a couple years as I had to take blood thinners for 2 years.. Now I have some additional scars related to that to add onto my body image. -- nuff about that. You have a deep voice. My voice is normally extremely deep bass. I can hit the lowest note possible on the bass cleft in music, however, with training (and one heck of a lot of practice) I've got a voice that is pretty passable as femine. Adams Apple: again, Surgery to get it shaved. As Wynd Wytch says, surgery's ain't cheap so having a good job is essential. Height - I've dated very tall women with hands so big they could hold a basket ball with one hand and size 12 mens shoes. Nope, they didn't wear heels either. Age: here's a news flash for you: I began my transition in March of 2016 just 2 months after my 65th birthday. Talk about beauty? hahaha I told my therapist the other day that there are thousands of ugly women that were born ugly and once I transition completely I'll be just one more ugly woman running around, but understand that I will be a woman. Since I reach the age of "who gives a Rat's Butt!" I guess I can live with not being beautiful or even slightly good looking. I walked the mall yesterday and also got a pedicure and manicure and even the younger girls your age don't recognize me as a man in a dress. I dress age approatiately and I usually get a glance and because I'm not anything great to look at, that's all there is. I'm happy with whatever I can have. Learn to be happy friend. Find someone else that's hurting and give them a hug or a smile and pretty soon you'll find you can still smile too. 2 years will pass faster if you are working to make someone elses life better somehow and then your life can begin. I wish you the best of choices, the greatest support, and the peace of knowing you are unique.

There is also the option of audio treatment. It may sound strange, but I have seen results. Here is a working anti-androgen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9O8AaZjqT4Y

Hi Caitlyn,

I don't have any great advice to give. Others have already done that. All I can say is don't give up. Yes, it is disappointing to have to transition later than you want to, trust me, I know. But, you are way ahead of many of us. And there is a lot more acceptance and support available today than when I was your age. Hang in there and don't give up. And don't worry about your height, there are many beautiful tall women. I hope to be one of them someday. (Might take a miracle.) I've never been a big fan of really high heels, anyway. You know where the true beauty will come from? From letting the real you out. Think of it this way, right now you are a caterpillar. You are entering the cocoon of counseling, hormone treatment, and whatever other procedures you choose, to become the beautiful butterfly you should be. Please hang on so the world gets to meet that butterfly.

Best wishes and hugs to you.