I always wonder what kind of girl I would be had I been born a girl. Would I be similar to who I am now or would I be completely different personality. I don't know if my dad was wanting a boy or a girl but my older brother was wanting a younger brother. I would be great getting to live the entirety of your life in the physical body that matches your mental body. :-)

Aaaaw Melinda xxx

My Mum n Dad already had twin boys and I know my Dad wanted a girl.

Although Mark has all my personality traits of course he's got so many Id never have, after all me as Mark went thru so much turmoil and struggle and upset and complete lunacy that I never would have had, had I just popped out a complete SAMi from the start like i was supposed to lol.

However sweetheart, lets not get lost in 'what ifs' and lets embrace these 'what ares' and 'what is gonna be's' we gotta enjoy our journeys as much as we can dont forget xxxxx

I would change nothing. I like who I am now as a person, Sure I still need to fix my body, but I am a decent human. If I changed any one thing then I would not be who I am today and I may not like who I would become. So where sure it would be nice to not have to deal with the trans side of thing, I think it made me stronger and as such no reason to want to be something different.

Im plzed for you youre in that space Wyndwych x

I will always have regrets, yes the struggles brought me to the place Im at now which in all honesty is a tranquil place (altho tranquil in a 'calm b4 the storm' kinda way) but they took me places Id never have gone too nor ever would have wanted to go to and added facets to Marks personality that I Samantha just cant condione and cant wait to shed (if I havent already!). It also prevented me goin places I should have gone but now cant, places with the girls like brownies and netball n stuff u do as kids.

That didnt make me whom I am, it just made me realise I need to get back to whom I am and stop myself being denied what should be my true experience.

So yes regrets, thats what they are and I cant make them anything other but I can embrace and accept them for what they are and use them for inspiration to ensure I dont have any more.

However, if like the advert said u can achieve whatever u want gauranteed what would I do... going back and popping out a Sami would be a cureall so course I would lol xxx

heheh oh make no mistake, I have many regrets, I have a good deal of red in the ledger so to speak, but I have spent a great amount of time and effort to do my best to atone for those and I will do so until the day I die. Those marks are little more than scars that will never fade, but I can make sure that what goes around them is worth seeing. So I have my regrets, but even those regrets are a partial reflection of the person I am now. I learned a great deal from those events and if life is anything, it is a learning experience.

I totally agree Wyndwytch and I totally respect what a grea job youre doing and what a great place youve got yourself too in this crazy journey, it truely is awesome, but as for me and where I am... its like i said to God yesterday - hey I totally respect everything youve taught me but Im just too tired of being taught in such stressful and upsetting ways all the freaking time, its time for you to teach me in ways I can enjoy and that make me happy.

I also think about all the missed opportunities to come out and change my gender, I wasn't born a girl but I always wonder why I waited so long to come out. I had lots of opportunities and it tends to drive me crazy thinking about it. I could have done anything while I was in the Army, as you are considered goverment property and are not allowed to make any alterations to your body like changing your gender. I am happy with the person inside and if there ever is a choice to choose ones gender a would always choose to be female. I can't even say why other than thats what I want to be and I always have this irresistible draw to want to be and to choose being female. Funny thing about my dad is that I don't know if he had a preference of whether he wanted me to be a boy or a girl but he didn't want me to want to be a girl, he made that clear to me, heh heh. I almost think though that my mother did secretly wanted a girl because she was a stay at home mom and she let me run around the house in my sisters dresses and her wig. The fun ended though when my dad got home :-( and I would have fun with my sisters dolls, and I managed to got all dolls band for me and my older brother, no GI Joe dolls or Six millon dollar man dolls. This might be the reason they are called action figures now lol. Wow I'm really dating my self with the Six Millon Dollar Man doll, lol.