Transgender Support Group
This community is here to support and help the large population of transgender people. If you or anyone you know identify as transgender, this is the place to share your feelings and experiences and speak with others who are going through similar things in their lives.
So my mom is about to marry a trans man. I couldnt be happier for her but every time i try to come out to her as a trans man she shoots me down and dismisses it. I dont understand why she can accept her fiance but not me.
It is actually very simple. It may be fear that she may have raised you wrong or done something that causes this reaction from her. It could also be that she may think it is fine for everyone else to be trans but a member of her family, like someone who is okay with african americans until one of their offspring dates one.
Human beings are very complicated and complex creatures, my advice is to ask her what you are asking us and when you do remind her that she try and not be defensive about as there is nothing to defend. If she cannot stop the hostile reaction, tell her that you will revisit this when she is ready
But meanwhile, it would be best if you were to be diagnosed by a qualified therapist who specializes in gender issues and work with the therapist so that her reactions towards you do not affect you.
Lastly, the only opinion that matters is your own. Perhaps, you may want to hold on on coming out to her until you are emotionally ready. You are an adult so what you do with your body is your body and your business. Furthermore, you need to learn to accept and love yourself exactly as you are right now before you can demand that others do the same.
Here is the paradox, once you love and accept yourself and others do not feel the same, you will not demand it of them. You will simply not care whether they do or not because your worth has everything to do with how you feel abput yourself.
Yes, we want our family, specially our immediate family to love us and accept us but we forget they are people first and parents second, that means that we cannot expect everyone to feel about us the way we feel about ourselves. Happiness is an inside job.
Hope this helps,.
Wolf (FTM since 1987)