Hello! So, there's been more than half a year since I became aware (and kind of waked up my inner trans feelings that I think they have been suppressed for a long time) that I'm probably transgender. Since that, I became really confused and started to watch a lot of youtube videos and did some reasearches so I could gather information about being trans and how to figure out if I am trans or not, but, every site and video I go trhough they all tell me the same thing: "you are the only one who can tell if you're trans or not, you're the only one who got the answers" well, the thing is... I don't have answers! I can't find them! So if I can't, who does? I'm 5 months away from getting my hair short and I really can't wait even though I'm scared to death. I'm letting my fluff grow, my body hair grow, I've been wearing male perfume, deoderant and shower gel and I can tell you that it feels good. I've showed a lot of signs of wanting to be a boy as a child and as a teen, I've never felt like I fitted in and always felt like I was appart from the rest of the world, lol, I've never felt like a normal teenager (I'm 20 now btw). But at the same time, my mother questions my feelings a lot because throughout my life I've always showed a lot of difficulties of making decisions, and if I'd get to make them, I'd regret them after a while, so, she thinks that I want to be a boy simply because I don't know what I want and sometimes I kind of believe in that, feel invalid as hell and start to question myself too. I've been insisting on getting my hair short this last month (because I love seeing myself in the mirror with my long hair hidden) and all my family says that I will regret it and I don't know what I want, and I'm going through a depression so they think that these are just crazy ideas because of the phase and medication that I'm going through. They actually think I'm out of my mind. I've talked about transitioning to my mother but she keeps on saying that I'm going to regret it and I kind of get that feeling that she's not taking this seriously. I really don't know what to think and I can't find answers. I've never had that kind of dysphoria that makes you feel like you want to die, but I still have dysphoria, I hate my wide hips, my face soft edges and my thighs and I feel like clothes don't fit the way they were supposed too (I always wore male clothes and underwear), but at the same time, I know I feel dysphoria when shopping for clothes but what if it's not dysphoria? I can't be sure of anything. I'm afraid of making a bad decision, I'm afraid of making a decision at all. 

Any advice? Thank you for reading this long text!