In the school library I failed the hearing test. The school nurse asked do you have a cold? As quickly as I responded to my dad discovering a wrapped condom and presenting it to my older brother and I asking, WHOS IS THIS and me responding, What is it knowing what it was, I responded to the school nurse the same way, Yes, my nose is clogged. The year was 1982. I didnt have a head cold nor was I sure how to use a condom but both were mine. I cant remember how I got the rubber, but I do know how I got the tinnitus. I was the lead guitarist in a garage band that never had an audience of more than four. The girls I was desperately trying to impress never stood in awe of me. We played at volume 10 trying to attract anyone, all seasons (we werent terrible). I also wanted to believe I was progressing spiritually through the music but my inspiration was memorized, not inspired. The irony was that my dad had tinnitus from the Korean War but this I never learned until years later. Mom, why do you have a ticking clock in your bedroom and a digital alarm clock too? Dads ears ring all the time and it helps him sleep

For what is worth, 1982.

In the great tinnitus challenge, mine is louder than standing with my feet in the ocean and crashing waves all around and an ambulance going by right behind on the hard sand. The jet plane just missed my head.

My tinnitus did get worse in 2006, because I learned to ignore it well enough not to wear ear plugs at a long, loud event. It has now become a larger wart on my nose that no one can see. WEAR EAR PLUGS, no shame in it. I composed a suicide letter to my family and my son on his 10th birthday (since deleted and never presented). He graduated high school a few weeks ago and I had one of the best times of my life.

There are about 2 to 3 days a week that my tinnitus does seem to reduce in volume (no rhyme or reason). This has only happened in the last year or two. Hope is that it may go to 6 or 7 days a week, but if not, its only a reminder that teas ready. Its the pitch I hear and overhear

This letter probably will not diminish much torment but I hope the contrary.

Hoping that this may be 6.9% helpful(pun intended and Im not a pervert, only trying to inject a little bad humor)

He who lives upon hope, dies farting Ben Franklin
Thinking on this quote I think means hope leaves nothing of substance good joke Mr. Franklin. I think Ben was right on many things, but on wrong on this idea.

DONT GIVE UP or GIVE UP or GIVE UP or GIVE IN or LASH OUT or BE DEFEATED. Youll be surprised. Dont be discouraged but rather courage. Perseverance is a thousand times greater than the feet (whoops, defeat). Hope you read close enough to laugh. Youre reading this because you know all this already.