Good for you. It took me over a year and a half to get where you are so I think you're doing a great job dealing with T!
Sue

Well said and inspirational. We can't let the T win. Thanks for sharing.

I am four years into this and wish to give some thought as to how t has effected me. I have never had a masking device, but rather took on the interior defense of masking t with a positive attitude. I always thought it was to get better and that I would learn to cope. Also I have reduced any necessary stress and learn all my trigger foods. May I answer your 11 points as follows:

1- I hate my T with an intense hatred... but I am no longer in dread mortal fear and panic because of it.. I curse at it, instead of being terrified by it.
---I also disliked my t, but learned to accept it as if it is a chronic condition similar to arthritis. I have good and bad days, and don't we all in one way or another. Learned to "live with it" and make the best of it.

2- I lost 13 pounds in about 3 weeks at onset ... I have gained back about 9 of those pounds....
---Actually I was glad to remove a few pounds and taught me to eat more sensibly. It is as if my ears are talking to me, telling me to eat heart healthy foods.

3- I am thinking about fishing again...
---Please go fishing and I love the cycling. A fun distraction gives t no attention, and will eventually defeat it. That is the secret, believe it.

4- Thinking about playing in a band again,,, A quieter ,more mellow band, and the best musicians earplugs I can buy firmly in place...
---Another great distraction, but please always protect the ears. I do at movies especially the previews. I cover my ears if an ambulance flips by. My concerts are limited to outdoor concerts. Get the best earplugs possible. Many great, great musicians have t and wear these musician earplugs.

5- I smile or chuckle briefly with my co workers, and am acting more like "me".. at least thats what my wifew has told me.
---Yes, smile and chuckle, and watch t die, but it is a slow death.

6- I have taken a few brief naps on my school bus, during down time, and one or two in the car as well, during the 4 hour mid day when we aren't driving.
---Hey with the nap thing, it actually gets better. I have noticed that naps no longer have the same ugly spice that it had previously. Almost like a Russian Roulette with one bullet in the chamber. Big improvement over previously.

7- I have decided my TRT is a waste of time and money....
---Never had done a masking device other then the mentality that I am going to make the best of it and be supportive of DS members. Everyone is different and t is a unique as a fingerprint. If TRT helps, then it is for you. If you handle without it, then great.

8- I am not sure I want to poney up $6K for the latest and greatest Widex 440/Zen..
---Investigate, but don't obsess. You may get better, either way.

9- Although I don't want a long life if my T doesn't improve considerably, I no longer ask God to take me home...
Its not my time.....
---No, you do want a long quality of a lifetime. It will get better and you will be happy even on a bad day. Think positive and good things will happen.

10- I have been doing some home repairs etc, without having to "work through" my T induced crushing, debilitating anxiety. my wife has a "honey do" request, or list, and I snap to it like the truly wonderful guy I have always been, and just do what needs to be done without attending to the T whistling through my brain...Its more of an annnoyance than a distraction, when I have my mind set on something else.. I can't disregard it, but I don't let it stop me either.
---No stopping you, nice progress. Soon you will disregard it, and it will be all peachy again.

11- I no longer have a deep fear of going to sleep..
Sleep is good as we never hear t in our dreams. One day you will wake up and it will be gone. Believe it and lean towards the positive.

Hey I wish you well and to every t sufferer, it most definitely will get better.

Bob--good job! I am happy for you and hope to be where you are one day. BTW, I just read about these. Maybe you could ask your audio about them--perhaps they go as high as the Widex's for improving your upper-range hearing loss or reduction but are cheaper. IDK, but they might be worth asking about:
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ReSound Introduces a New Hearing Aid for Tinnitus Management

ReSound has introduced a new combination hearing instrument for tinnitus patients to its product line. The Alera TS combines an advanced hearing aid with a sound generator. The sound generator is used to administer sounds that make the disturbing tinnitus noise less noticeable, drawing attention away from it, a common approach in sound therapy. "The Alera TS helps change the way you respond to tinnitus by diverting your attention away from it," said Michael Piskosz, M.S., ReSound. "This kind of sound therapy when combined with informed counseling is recognized as a highly effective way of managing tinnitus." To learn more about the new device, visit: Gnresound.com/alera.

BeBee and Attester - I have had T for 4 months. Its a unrelenting torment but I too no longer fear it. I too was in a deep state of depression, fear and anxiety. ENT's only left me in more fear. Thank God my doctor helped me with sleeping pills and anti-depressants. I now cope each day. Like you, some good, some not so good but it is teaching me to have compassion for myself. I have changed fundamentally for the good in my outlook of life. I value everyday, I never take anything or anyone for granted. I am happier, have much more self worth and respect. T is a monster but it has its rewards. We all have to learn to take care of ourselves much better. Thanks for sharing - it all helps. (Cape Town, South Africa)

Hi Bebee

Why do you think your TRT is a waste of time and money? I have also been doing TRT for about 90 days with no result yet. Perhaps you are not getting proper TRT by your audiologist, I believe this is the case with me. If you are not getting proper counseling then it is indeed a waste of time. It may well be a waste of time anyway. I have been doing all the follow up appointments but I do not see the point as I know exactly what she will say, I think TRT depends 100% on the patient. I also look normal on the outside no one at work would believe what I go through every hour of the day. You said you do not want a long life with Tinnitus I think you do want a long life and I pray that it becomes more peaceful for you. I also asked god to take me but I have decided I am going to stay here no matter how loud or how much I suffer in this stupid life.

It takes time but it does get better, I am into it over ten years, and I live a full life. Not saying it is easy every day, but taking it one day at a time.

Sending hugs,
Kasandra

I've had it two years and it nearly drove me batty at first. Ran to the doctor trying to figure out what was wrong, going through tests, tormenting over it. It's an annoyance sure, but I have my good and bad days and take it one day at a time. I am ever so thankful to my God that even though yesterday and the day before were bad that He is merciful and allows me a reprieve where though the hissing and pinging in my head doesnt totally go away, it definitely is better today. That gives me faith and hope. Hope for a better day when I have a bad one and faith because my God hears my prayers.

I'm with you BeBee. Your doing all we can do. Face the fact that life's never going to be what it was, but it does go on, and that's something. I have gone back to all my normal activities. Hunting gave me this terrible affliction, but I'm back in the woods again this year. More careful, and to some degree more appreciative. I'm more sympathetic to others, more understanding towards my kids, and even though I hate this I still love life. I hope a cure is found soon, but I'm not sitting around waiting. I don't care why I got it, I just have to live with it. Good luck to every one, I pray for you all.

This month make one year since my T started. The first few months were a living hell, but I have survived for a year and am much better than the first few months. I started TRT in July and have been wearing ReSound hearing aids with maskers since March. I have gotten so busy the last 2 months that I barely notice it during the day. I use my hearing aids with maskers to sleep and I just get through one day at a time. I check this site and another support site for new treatments and updates and am waiting for a cure. I am glad that I lived almost 60 years before it started. The young people in their twenties have got to be praying harder than us old people with this affliction. Hang in there.

I agree with Dave. Im moving on with my life. Not holding my breath for a cure. I dont know what caused it, dont even care about knowing what caused it anymore. It's here and I live my life regardless of it and take it one day at a time.

Sounds like you're on you way back into life. You can't let this thing rob you of your life. I just read where 2 million Americans are disable by T and can't work. I have a lot of trouble with that idea. I haven't changed my life one bit because of T. What would I do, sit around and listen to it all day?

Thats what I did... Sat around in a dark, horrified, panicked, place- riddled with despair, depression and intense anxiety... For almost 2 1/2 months... ENOUGH!-
Maybe a week ago, my outlook became somewhat more positive.
Then yesterday, I took my boat out and went fishing for Lake trout! Only got 2, one I kept to eat, one was a bit too small, dropped 2 or 3 on the way up... Heard my t the entire time, but it was just annoying backround noise . It instilled no fear in me. I can't let it distress me... I know who and what it is now, and really think I have conquered the fear that was keeping me incapacitated.
However, if it gets loud and proud, as it does in some of us, all bets are off. Not sure how I will respond with a worsening of my T... I PRAY that does not happen.. Not to me, not to any one of us... bob