The Tea Room Community Group
This is a private group by invitation only. It is a group for those who have a loved one with a brain injury. This group was not founded by me but I will serve as the founder temporarily as one of the first members.
Something can be said for finding the right people to yak at and know that they really get it. I have been struggling a bit in that department. My family sucks........not my hubby as he is in the trenches with me, but because most do not get it. They only can understand the drug use, not the reason why it is happening. They dont remember that he never did drugs, smoked or had terrible mood swings and memory, cognitive issues before. I think they forget because he looks normal. I guess the drug use is kinda more in your face and they are clouded by that. I feel that they think that he should just get over it....what ever it is . I keep telling my family that he basically has brain damage...he will not get better. Brain does not grow back, it is dead! Frontal lobe damage on a young male sucks......since they are not really developed until about 25 years of age this is a real problem. My son maturation rate has been retarded. He does not act like a 24 years old, he acts like a 15 years old or younger most days. He has his good days when everything is clicking, then the other days when he is easily confused and has no focus. My family has asked why we dont kick him out??!! I always asked my Dad why did you not kick mom out when she had breast cancer or my Mom the same when dad had a stroke why did you not kick him out? Same difference to me, our loved ones are sick/injured.
My mom who really is a kind woman said to me the other day,"I dont know how you do all that you are doing, I dont think I would do it". I said to her, " Thank god that Me or Chris (my bro) did not get a brain injury then because you would have sucked." Kinda harsh but sometimes I just feel like stating the rather obvious, self satisfaction I guess.
I have spent time on the NAMI boards with a great group of caregivers there. But they are really more geared to mental illness issues. But from what I can see mental illness and brain injuries mimic each other a lot. Since they are basically treated medically the same there are a lot of parallels. I still feel as if I was given sage advise.
But you people are like me..............Sad but I am happy to find people who REALLY know what my life is like.
hugs....pam
My mom who really is a kind woman said to me the other day,"I dont know how you do all that you are doing, I dont think I would do it". I said to her, " Thank god that Me or Chris (my bro) did not get a brain injury then because you would have sucked." Kinda harsh but sometimes I just feel like stating the rather obvious, self satisfaction I guess.
I have spent time on the NAMI boards with a great group of caregivers there. But they are really more geared to mental illness issues. But from what I can see mental illness and brain injuries mimic each other a lot. Since they are basically treated medically the same there are a lot of parallels. I still feel as if I was given sage advise.
But you people are like me..............Sad but I am happy to find people who REALLY know what my life is like.
hugs....pam
Are you my twin from whom I was separated at birth?! The parallels are astonishing -- not that I'd wish them on anyone.
I have so very few people in my life who understand not only what is happening with my son, but *why* it's happening. And even knowing the "why" doesn't prompt most people want to spend time with him.
Now you are going to hear that yes, brain matter dies, but due to its plasticity, new connections can form, etc. This is true! However, my son -- and apparently yours -- has gone down such a scary path since his injury. In the last 4 years he has become an alcohol with a lengthy (to me, at least) court record. Believe me when I say: No new brain connections are forming in that type of environment! And when frontal lobe injury is paramount, there is lack of arousal/initiation at one end of the spectrum, and lack of inhibition at the other, so treating one end makes the problems on the other end worse. No therapy will be attempted if a patient can't be aroused or can't initiate, and no therapy will be attempted when a patient's lack of inhibition has him doing things we wouldn't wish them to do in our worst nightmares. So, yeah, frontal lobe damage in a young man does suck. Big time.
Dang it, this is turning into a rant. I didn't mean for that to happen, but the beauty of The Tea Room is that people understand when this happens. So I won't apologize.
Like you, Pam, I'm just thankful that finally, after 4 long, lonely, isolated years, I've finally found people who get it. As I said, I wouldn't wish for brain injury to touch anyone, but since it has, at least we have each other here. And that is HUGE!
Hugs,
HayMom
RunGirl3 :-)
Had hoped his grandparents would have helped pay for tooth implants to replace the teeth he lost in fall, nope. he gets to out of the 816 he gets from disability, plus what we can spare.
May we never be like that.
So why can't I ask for this? How do I ask it? I disappoint myself, and I am letting my son down, and still I don't ask, and I cannot get to the crux of why I just. Can't. Freaking. Ask already!
Sigh. Some days I think I'm losing my mind...
What Haymom said, though, is so true. Though brain cells/matter die, the brain has incredible neuroplasticity and can form new connections and pathways and regenerate itself. A wonderful book on this subject is "The Brain That Changes Itself" by Norman Doidge, M.D. I have actually read parts of this book out loud to my husband (as he can't read) and it does give him (and me) so much hope.
Drug abuse etc., though, that has to be hard to deal with. Wish I had some advice there, but don't.
Many people have said similar things to me i.e. "I don't know how you do it, I couldn't do it," etc. Take those statements as a big compliment that you are Strong!!!! And a wonderful person!
Hang in there. Don't give up hope.
And do take care of yourself
Hugs from
Molly
I am so thnkful, since his injury my son quit smoking and doesnt want alchol, he never did drugs. But to me one is the same as the other with devistating results, hang in and demand help for him.