I'm so sick and tired of being a parent. Please don't think badly of me. I love my kids more than anything in the world but EVERYTHING is a darn challenge, or fight with them! I give them chores so they can earn money and they fuss and fight and do the job sloppily and I have to go behind them like they are 4 year olds and either have them redo it entirely or do what they were too lazy to do and thought they could get away with not doing it. I'm fed up with it! EVERYTHING is a fight. And I'm so sick of them fighting with each other I could scream. Yet they want want want from me. Spoiled rotten bratts is what they are!!!!

dixie, i understand. i can't imagine having kids and CP. i hope you can find a way to straighten them out, but i know the struggle is too much to deal with at times (most). i say if they don't do the job well, they get partial pay until they learn to do it well, but i know it's hard to stand up to the fuss.
i love my niece and nephew, but they are spoiled brats. didn't see them once over the summer, not that i didn't try.

as for the neurontin, that was the first thing i was put on before RSD was dx'd. they finally upped it to the max dose of 2700 mgs/day. i began getting something like electrical volts going through my body randomly. i'd been able to walk without a cane for awhile and had to start again. seems strange since it's an anti-seizure med and i was afraid i was going to have or was having mini seizures.

i wish i could talk to someone. such a crap night and day. barely slept even though i was nicely exhausted.

i've stayed ahead of the pain for the most part, but the feeling of absolute exhaustion really has me down. i wanted to go to church, but realized i couldn't do it. i wanted to finish cooking and putting away my food. i've worked in tiny phases all day, but i'm so far from finishing. i'm trying to picture the end product (2 chicken dishes - stroganoff and curried) to get motivated. i feel like i'm made of lead.

yesterday was so refreshing even though i know it was a lot of energy. why is it that when i try to do something positive, i just get wiped out. can i ever have more than a few hours of life? no answer needed, but feel free. cooking is the most strenuous thing i do now beside shopping and that's probably more.

i want to do much more. my imagination still works. so that's my moan for the day. maybe i can do a little more.

I am feeling a lot of anxiety right now. I am not sure why. My pain level is the same - it never lets up. But the anxiety seems a bit worse lately. Oh well, this too shall pass. I hope.