The Hen House Community Group
This Group is for Hens only. A place where we can share and flock together:) May friendships grow here.
Hello my dear hens...
Every so often I think we should give ourselves permission to wail, whine, bitch....hell, even cuss! It's been so quiet and it crossed my feeble mind that perhaps we're all too concerned with always saying the right thing. I love the support and friendship we show each other, but I can't be the only one who needs to let loose!
Summer is winding down and I feel like I missed the whole damned thing. I was forced to drastically reduce my pain meds starting in May, went through hell by myself, almost allowed myself to be shipped off to a hospital to keep me 'safe' from my dark thoughts, dragged myself up and got busy making arrangements to have fixed whatever could be...so far my hand and one shoulder.
I had some major surgery on my right shoulder 5 weeks ago today. The surgeon, who is incredible by the way, didn't happen to let the assistant who prescribes post-op pain meds that I would require a much stronger script than what is usually adequate because of the tolerance that I still have...though much less than a few months earlier. I ended up suffering much more (still am) than I should have during this recovery time. I have done everything right and my PT is thrilled with how far I've come in a short time.
But I did more than I should have yesterday...trying to be normal, ya know? Decided it was time to cook...chop...stir...sink full of dishes. Arrggghhhh...my neck and shoulder are screaming today and I needed to let that out!!!!!!! And cannot...I still have chronic pain in other parts of my body and no amount of positive attitude is doing one iota of good. I want to get back to taking care of a few clients. They keep calling to check how soon that will be. At least that means I haven't lost them, but I need to get my pain level down and my strength back up.
OK...enough of my woes. I did have a hairdresser friend give me a great new haircut this morning. Figured a new look for a new me might help. At least I look better!
Who's next? Let 'er rip!!!
Every so often I think we should give ourselves permission to wail, whine, bitch....hell, even cuss! It's been so quiet and it crossed my feeble mind that perhaps we're all too concerned with always saying the right thing. I love the support and friendship we show each other, but I can't be the only one who needs to let loose!
Summer is winding down and I feel like I missed the whole damned thing. I was forced to drastically reduce my pain meds starting in May, went through hell by myself, almost allowed myself to be shipped off to a hospital to keep me 'safe' from my dark thoughts, dragged myself up and got busy making arrangements to have fixed whatever could be...so far my hand and one shoulder.
I had some major surgery on my right shoulder 5 weeks ago today. The surgeon, who is incredible by the way, didn't happen to let the assistant who prescribes post-op pain meds that I would require a much stronger script than what is usually adequate because of the tolerance that I still have...though much less than a few months earlier. I ended up suffering much more (still am) than I should have during this recovery time. I have done everything right and my PT is thrilled with how far I've come in a short time.
But I did more than I should have yesterday...trying to be normal, ya know? Decided it was time to cook...chop...stir...sink full of dishes. Arrggghhhh...my neck and shoulder are screaming today and I needed to let that out!!!!!!! And cannot...I still have chronic pain in other parts of my body and no amount of positive attitude is doing one iota of good. I want to get back to taking care of a few clients. They keep calling to check how soon that will be. At least that means I haven't lost them, but I need to get my pain level down and my strength back up.
OK...enough of my woes. I did have a hairdresser friend give me a great new haircut this morning. Figured a new look for a new me might help. At least I look better!
Who's next? Let 'er rip!!!
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88FIn 1969 we decided to get married without a big wedding. Most of our friends and family liked large over the top for the time kind of weddings and I did not. First, I didn't see why spending so much money for one day when we have the rest of our lives to live. I have never regretted not having a big formal wedding. Another issue is not liking all the attention. Also, we have gone to big...
I've been doing way too much and he said there was more congestion in the capsule. I may have irritated the Bursa and other things that I can't remember, now. So...backing up a bit, icing again and working on my patience....grrrrrr. So that is why it all hurts soooo much.
Waaaaah...what a baby
But..this is one you have to slow down on to get it right.
Hugs
Healing hugs
It doesn't matter to me if you read this, but I just need to get it out. I literally sat on the couch all day. After I slept the entire morning away. Zero ambition to do anything and I am 100% depressed. I'm just so tired of waking in pain, or being in pain by the end of the day. And this job thing. Okay, sure, one will come up, but damn, I so don't want to go back into that miserable corporate rat race of bullies and politics. These last three jobs I was totally blindsided and booted out. Okay, the second last one, they went under, but it was still traumatic.
On top of all this, telling Jim to leave is really good for me and I'm happy about that, but now I'm sitting here and for the first time in my life I'm truly alone. Alone, unemployed and feeling pretty damn worthless and I know for all the well meaning words that people give me it doesn't change what really goes on inside of myself. I've always felt such a low self esteem inside of myself and I used work and having a "man" to make myself feel worthy. Having those two things taken away and I'm just feeling empty and lost.
Well, here I sit with my chronic pain and a wake up call. I so needed to have this physical break and I got it and now I have to sit here and reconstruct myself and I don't know where to begin. I don't want to go back to the rat race and my settlement bought me only a few months. I go to interviews and I'm not getting the jobs, so maybe I should be sending myself in a different direction. But where?
Ideas come and go as I find reasons for not doing them. I've stopped painting suddenly because I think "whats the point, there is no money at this stage and I'm so down I feel no passion." I try to go out and network, but come home feeling more alone. I just don't know how or what to do with my life and how to sustain myself and my son. 3 weeks until Botox injections and I have to pay for it 100% now.
I'm reading two books. One a workbook on depression and one 'changing your life by changing your thoughts'. Both are good, but generic and no solid answers for me. Ya ya ya, fear turned inside out. Big deal. Give me something concrete. When I do something, thoughts enter my head of 'whats the use' so I guess that is what I get in life. But when I was all optomistic, I got the crap kicked out of me, so there goes that theory.
Well, thats me today and hopefully not me everyday this week. Maybe couch sitting has done me some good and I haven't realized it yet. Or maybe I just wasted another day.
Thanks for the forum to post this. I wish painkillers worked.
No cliches.
Just wanted you to know you were heard.
..and that someone cares.
Luvnhugs
jc
Hugs, clucks, peeps and all that jazz...xo