I have a hard time with it. And I NEVER hardly EVER ask someone for help.

Why is that? Are any of you like that?

But......I LOVE LOVE LOVE to help others!! I mean it really makes my day!

So what makes me think I am the only one that feels that way?

And what a blessing it is and how good it makes me feel!!!!

What makes me think I'm the only one that deserves to feel that way?

So knowing this.....why is it still so hard for me to ask for help or except something someone does for me?

I'd love to hear your answers

I want to share a story with you that happened to me yesterday.


I'm such an emotional wreck! I don't usually cry easily, but, I went out to check the sunflowers that I planted up against the old barn....the chickens had eaten them all. It just made me start crying. I manage to get myself in the car and my first thoughts were: "I hope I make it to the hospital and back without getting a flat" . I knew my tires were getting really really bad but just haven't had the money to put new tires on.

So I get to the hospital and my brother leaves the room to smoke, when he came back in, he asked mom and I if we would step outside a min. because he wanted to talk to his wife alone a min. So we did, then he came out and asked me if I would take him to town, I said sure. He has me take him through town and to a tire store. Goes in, comes back out and tells me to pull my car up under the shade and shut the car off. So again I do. Then he tells me that he has paid for them to put two new tires on my car. I start crying all over again. ....and then I couldn't stop. So very sweet of him.
I cry all the way home. I've got so much going on in my life right now and his kindness meant much more to me than just tires. The tires were a very big thing but....it was just , I don't know.

I make it back to town, get gas, go home and by then I have a headache and my eyes hurt and are swollen from crying, so I turn off all the phones and go to bed. I actually fell asleep!!!
When I wake up, I don't open my eyes, but I'm thinking my chest feels heavy, I guess I should take some more allergy medicine and use my inhaler. I could breath ok, so that was kinda funny. When I finally decided I should get up, I open my eyes and find the reason my chest is so heavy feeling :) I have two cats on my chest :-) They are so sweet :) I'm so blessed to have found them at the pound.

Anyway, I tried and tried to get my brother to let me pay him back. He wouldn't. This made him feel good to be able to do it. I know that, but still I feel so guilty! I kept on and on with him asking him to let me pay him back until he finally said "Sis, do you remember that money you loaned me?" What money!! I absolutely could not remember until he reminded me. I had never thought anything about the money. well he never had. But he told me to consider it a pay back if I had to but that wasn't why he did it.

I just can't shut up. I just can't except help or charity without feeling guilty! Why is that? Why do we try to take the blessing away from someone else? We should feel ashamed. I guess I do, but I still can't get passed the guilt:(

How do you handle it? Better than me I hope :)