Ok so ever since the rape happened. I felt like my body wasn't mine. I used to feel the same way because of my childhood abuse traume but it just got magnified to a point where I literally didn't think my body was mine. I also was strongly against showing any of my skin ( I still am but in a different way) With the summer coming up I was telling myself no. No you cannot go out and enjoy yourself because you were raped. No, no one can see you in a bating suit because they will be able to tell that you were raped.And most of all, I did not want men to look at me, like at all. I was afraid that they would say or look at my body and because of everything sexual that is a trigger for me, I thought to just not go swimming or going to the beach at all. 

Now today, 3 days before my vacation time on a island, I did the one thing I thought I would never be able to do. I bought a bating suit, tried it on and absolutely loved it! I feel so much power right now. It kind of overwelms me that I indeed could heal to the point of being able to wear a bating suit. This is such a judge step for me, for my healing process. Not sure if I am comfortable enough wearing it in public but to hell with that. I made progress already! I am so proud of it! 

I also started to take control over my own body by working out and eating differently. I will be hard to keep going but it is so, so worth it. I promise! 

Did you make any progress> And what are your thoughts about this? 

Here for you, 

Lilac