Drew4lostluv I think as a guy you need to start the dirty jokes and us woman will follow LOL

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.

While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "Now what?" asks the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"

The Doctor's Convention
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There's a bunch of doctors gathered together at a doctor's convention one night. A male doctor notices a female doctor from across the room. The female doctor notices also and the next thing you know, they're sitting next to each other by the end of dinner.

After dinner, the male asks the woman if she wants to go up to his hotel room.

''Sure,'' the woman says. ''Let me go wash my hands first.''

After she washes her hands, they have sex. After they are finished, she washes her hands again.

This is really starting to annoy the male doctor so he says, ''You know, you must be a surgeon, because you keep washing your hands.''

Angry at this remark, the woman says, ''Well, you must be an anasthesiologist, because I didn't feel a thing!''

Teacher: Johnny, can you tell me the name of 3 great kings who have brought happiness and peace into people's lives?

Johnny: Drin-king, smo-king, and fuc-king

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana, Jack got hi, unzipped his fly, and asked Jill do you wanna?

So old lol

Moe: My wife got me to believe in religion.

Joe: Really?

Moe: Yeah, I didn't believe in hell until I married her.

A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.

The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.

'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.

'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.

'It's my face cream. It makes me look sexy and beautiful for you when we're making love,' replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser ... at half the price.'

The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage.
He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, "Put those on."
The bride replies, "I can't wear your trousers."
He replies, "And don't forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!"
The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, "Try those on!"
He replies,"I can't get into your knickers!"
"And you never bloody will if you don't change your attitude."

One day these two best friends Jay and Bob were walking down the forest when suddenly a giant snake jumped on Jay’s leg and bit his dick, since no one was around for miles Bob called a hospital and told the doctor’’Quick Quick I need your help my friend got bit by a snake on his penis’’ the doctor told him ’’Son your gonna have to suck the venom out yourself’’ Bob asked’’ Please doctor there has to be another way to get rid of the venom’’ The doctor says ’’Sorry theres nothing we can do’’ So Bob goes running to his friend and when he gets there Jay says with pain ’’ So what did the doctor say?’’ Bob says’’ Doctor said your gonna die"

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/dirtyjokes/bestfriendsjokes.html

These are great and I laughed out loud while drinking my morning coffee ... Keep them coming !!!!!

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Hold on to your nuts, this is going to be a hell of a blowjob!

Lol.

Thank you, Drew. Haha

A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's about 10 feet long. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a bitch outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued."

The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you."

He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar. Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth. The alligator just keeps his mouth open. After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth and zips up his pants and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?"

The drunk down at the end of the bar says, "Yeah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"

Lol