great post!!! thanks

OMG......we are not alone, nor aliens!!!! I am going out today to buy this book!

Thanks Kutani.....great find and post!

This article addressed an issue which always was the most difficult for me in this estrangement saga. All emotional rejection as difficult as it was, I was able to deal somehow. However the final result that I was not able to raise a person with adequate social skills and characteristics after all heart and soul and brain was put into it, was very difficult to deal with. It feels very much as a complete failure and even more difficult that I can't decide where the mistakes were. I am over it now and comfortable in understanding that it is his life to live, his judgement to make all the choices and face the results of these choices. Each and every person, irrelevant to being good or bad, can only achieve things in life in his/her only way. Only then the life can be sustained consistently. They can't live their lives by our books. If they follow our advice (they do not!) as soon as they are on their own they will fail.
The way I see it now - the best case scenario - they live their life without us and are productive and self sufficient. We miss on "big family" fun and pleasures, are robbed of grands experiences and can't truly rely on anyone at old age. But we know where we stand.

Kutani

Kutani, we each have a journey, an individual journey. We did our job trying to give our kids everything they needed to function in society and be successful in their journey. Once they leave or decide to rebel before leaving the home, they begin their own "separate" journey. That journey continues on for them, just as it does for us individually, and the decisions they make will make them who they are and they will have to live with that. We know that all decisions they have made will affect them for their entire lives. All we can do now is make our journey worthwhile, happy, and ____________ (fill in the blank with whatever you desire). We did our job and we did it well with the tools we were given. Just felt I needed to say this for some reason. Hugs to you!

From what I've read so far.. (I've found the first 8 pages online... see the link below).... I've found several passages that directly pertain to me and my situation. I'm betting that the rest of the book is just as good with even more great insights. Although all situations are different and there are bits and pieces that either don't pertain to my situation or I personally don't agree with... I think the overall take by this author is genuine and dead on!

What I find most interesting from what I read so far.... is the phenomenon of our generation to be the first generation in history to feel responsible for our children's happiness. Past generations focused on their children's success. I think this is an important point because, IMHO, one's happiness can only be defined or achieved by that person and no one else. I am guilty of doing this for my (adult) kids and I can see where it robs them of the responsibility of finding it for themselves.

This book is a GREAT find! I've bought the book on amazon and am anxious to read the rest.

Here is the link to the first 8 pages...:
http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=125112&page=1