The Den Community Group
Pull up a chair and put your feet up. Lie down if necessary! :)
I am in total confusion today.
Have been ignored by 4 ppl over the last 2 weeks & is all I was doing was being nice. WTH??
Of course the typical ignoring from semi ED & SIL
SIL's mom had befriended me over thanksgiving...reaching out & encouraging me to connect with GKs. Now seems to be backing off.
My ex had a cousin who now lives out of state. She had befriended me on fb a couple of years ago, actually said things about my ex. We have shared fb messages, but I got off fb for about 2 months (Nov. & dec). When I got back on, I messaged her wishing her well thru the holdidays...NO response. Messaged her a couple of more times in the last couple of weeks & nothing. WTH...I don't even see her so how could I have done something to offend her?
5 years ago this would have sent me in a tailspin...but today I just feel confused about how to treaat ppl. Ya never know if they are going to answer you or ignore. You just really don't know what it is that you are doing wrong. I have a great amount of good friends so I really don't think I am that difficult to be around, but then this stuff happens & ya just wanna lock the door & crawl under the blankets
Have been ignored by 4 ppl over the last 2 weeks & is all I was doing was being nice. WTH??
Of course the typical ignoring from semi ED & SIL
SIL's mom had befriended me over thanksgiving...reaching out & encouraging me to connect with GKs. Now seems to be backing off.
My ex had a cousin who now lives out of state. She had befriended me on fb a couple of years ago, actually said things about my ex. We have shared fb messages, but I got off fb for about 2 months (Nov. & dec). When I got back on, I messaged her wishing her well thru the holdidays...NO response. Messaged her a couple of more times in the last couple of weeks & nothing. WTH...I don't even see her so how could I have done something to offend her?
5 years ago this would have sent me in a tailspin...but today I just feel confused about how to treaat ppl. Ya never know if they are going to answer you or ignore. You just really don't know what it is that you are doing wrong. I have a great amount of good friends so I really don't think I am that difficult to be around, but then this stuff happens & ya just wanna lock the door & crawl under the blankets
Now, who can we find to post our pics and info?
My ES and DIL? Well, they've never un-friended me, don't know why. My DIL blocked my ability to see any of her inane posts at the get-go of the estrangement; my ES never blocked me but he seldom posts. Just so I don't ever see their posts by accident, I chose "unfollow" next to their name. No satisfaction on their part that I un-friended them in a huff...I just never see the crap they post but they don't know it. I have also "unfollowed" any of their family members who might post about their happy little get-togethers and lovely, magical life. (It's not.)
I don't post on Facebook much, just fun pix of relatives and friends who come to visit or maybe a nice sunset or view or a place we've visited. Facebookers only get in trouble with the crap they post about their massive drinking occasions and crazy antics.
Facebook is what you make of it, and I miss a few of my friends on DS who have left Facebook. I refuse to let my ES and DIL bully me into leaving Facebook or make me afraid of seeing their crap...because I don't see their crap.
Keeps us on edge, not knowing how to respond, no knowing how to plan. Many of us can no longer trust them and have just moved on and no longer make any kind of plans based on what they may or may not do.
And sadly many of us have had to close off a part of our hearts. We still care and love them but can not allow our emotions to be on their roller coaster. That hit me really hard this year when one of mine did pop in for a little visit around Christmas. I sat there opposite of her as if she was a total stranger, with very little of the warm loving feelings toward her I've enjoyed in the past. I was not cold, just neutral. My heart had been broken one too many times by her and it will need lots of trust building to be able to feel those feelings again. This is sooooo against nature.
The More Chances you Give someone ; the Less respect they'll start to have for you.
They'll begin to ignore the standards that you've set because they'll know another chance will always be given: They're not afraid to lose oyu because they know..no matter what you won't walk away. they get comfortable with depending on your forgiveness. Never let a person get comfortable with Disrespecting you!
All I ever got on FB (besides depressed) were things like "I just ate a bagel." Although I did see this one floating around, which I thought was profound: "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes."
And for those of you who think it came from Sigmund Freud, I assure you it did not. That man was a total screw-up!!! In my opinion, of course ;-)
I think it came from Debbie: ;-)
http://quoteinvestigator.com/2014/10/25/diagnose/
He is sorry about what our affair did to my kids & has tried to show them. He is great friends with my DS now but ED hates him.
Point being, I was the one not respecting he & my relationship because he let me. Now I know he would be gone & it opened my eyes up to his worth in my life. I respect him now & he (as all of us) deserves respect.
This is sooo true Igave!