The Den Community Group
Pull up a chair and put your feet up. Lie down if necessary! :)
I HATE my sister-in-law.
I was urged time and time again to move to my new location, near my brother and sister-in-law, mostly urged by my sister-in-law. Daily she would call me and push me to move here. They "wanted me close to them" - "we were going to finally be a family unit' "they loved me so much" - blah blah blah. Well it turns out I am a target for her ugly gossip.
They live in a town that is near stores - I do not. I'm at least 10 miles away from any stores. I asked them if they would pick up a couple of pad locks on their way to my house so I could secure a few doors. WELL!!! You'd have thought I'd asked them to go to the ends of the earth. They showed up miffed - demanding, etc. My sister-in-law stood in my living room, did not sit down, arms folded the entire time we were here and barely said a word. We were going shopping and I wanted the locks in place before we left.
As I have mentioned before, since the estrangement started, I have gained weight - about 35 lbs. I'd say.
I am now told that my sister-in-law has been gossiping about me and laughing at me behind my back about my weight gain and saying that my asking for TWO FRIGGEN pad locks means that I am SO paranoid.
Damn it - leopards do not change their spots and I knew she was not a very nice person - years ago. Why did I let her talk me into thinking she had changed and really gave a rat's ass.
I have been listening to this bitch go on and on and on and on - nonstop about her life - every single aspect of it for years - almost daily. It got to the point that when she'd call, I'd ring my own doorbell and tell her someone was at the door so I had to go. She often was so into what she was saying she would not even hear me and just kept on talking - I'd hang up.
If she is talking, which is ALL of the time, no one else can get a word in edgewise.
I sat in a restaurant with my brother and her - and she talked for 45 minutes straight - no one else got to say a word. When you try to break in - she just talks faster and louder until you just give up. I've never seen anything like it.
Okay - thanks for listening - I just feel like I jumped from the frying pan into the fire. However, I do love my new home and the area - so that's a good thing. I'm just really pissed right now.
I was urged time and time again to move to my new location, near my brother and sister-in-law, mostly urged by my sister-in-law. Daily she would call me and push me to move here. They "wanted me close to them" - "we were going to finally be a family unit' "they loved me so much" - blah blah blah. Well it turns out I am a target for her ugly gossip.
They live in a town that is near stores - I do not. I'm at least 10 miles away from any stores. I asked them if they would pick up a couple of pad locks on their way to my house so I could secure a few doors. WELL!!! You'd have thought I'd asked them to go to the ends of the earth. They showed up miffed - demanding, etc. My sister-in-law stood in my living room, did not sit down, arms folded the entire time we were here and barely said a word. We were going shopping and I wanted the locks in place before we left.
As I have mentioned before, since the estrangement started, I have gained weight - about 35 lbs. I'd say.
I am now told that my sister-in-law has been gossiping about me and laughing at me behind my back about my weight gain and saying that my asking for TWO FRIGGEN pad locks means that I am SO paranoid.
Damn it - leopards do not change their spots and I knew she was not a very nice person - years ago. Why did I let her talk me into thinking she had changed and really gave a rat's ass.
I have been listening to this bitch go on and on and on and on - nonstop about her life - every single aspect of it for years - almost daily. It got to the point that when she'd call, I'd ring my own doorbell and tell her someone was at the door so I had to go. She often was so into what she was saying she would not even hear me and just kept on talking - I'd hang up.
If she is talking, which is ALL of the time, no one else can get a word in edgewise.
I sat in a restaurant with my brother and her - and she talked for 45 minutes straight - no one else got to say a word. When you try to break in - she just talks faster and louder until you just give up. I've never seen anything like it.
Okay - thanks for listening - I just feel like I jumped from the frying pan into the fire. However, I do love my new home and the area - so that's a good thing. I'm just really pissed right now.
Detach from this lovely couple ... Read the book Sociopath Next Door - sounds like you've got yourself one or maybe even two ... I had no idea Linda that the world is full of these types of people ... more and more I realize how TOO MANY TIMES ... each conversation becomes about themselves ... never a ... and how about you BJ - how are you? Nope ... ain't gonna' happen.
The older I get , the easier this is becoming ... the gossip at your expense ... is just her getting her jollies off ... sick puppy!!!
Big hugs --- BJ
And you could not be more correct - her narcissism reaches new heights - I've never seen anyone requiring so much attention - nor have I seen anyone who needs to spread ugly gossip the way she does.
Her daughters have not talked to her for 7 years because she gossips about each of them - to each of them. Of course estrangement is a sensitive subject for us - but these girls are good girls. She is a total nightmare.
Thanks for the name of the book. I will buy that on Amazon today.
What a bitch.
So I felt like I was out on an island all by myself - with my sister-in-law taking pot shots at me and it really hurt - especially after the 8 years of pain and turmoil with my son and the estrangement. I am pretty fragile and I did not need her shit!
She sounds just like my ED. If my ED is talking at all... she is talking about HERSELF. Always. If the subject changes, she leaves. This happens if it's just one person or if she's in a group. If you try to "force" your way into the conversation, she gets louder and stronger. It simply can't be done. When she walks into a room .... she consumes all the air and space in it. If people don't recognize that the queen is present, she'll either create some drama to draw attention to herself ... or if that doesn't work... again ... she leaves. She talks crap about EVERYONE making judgements on how they dress, eat, live, work.... whatever she can think of to put them down. Only people who have just met her pay her any attention. The veterans just treat her as taking up space. If you say up... she says down. If you say left... she says right. etc. It's completely insane.
Forget her gossip. It's a pretty sure bet that those she gossips to either know she's full of crap or.... they eat up stuff like that in which case they don't count for anything anyway.
Your NOT fragile. You have survived estrangement!! You my friend, are strong!! I know you already know this but may have temporarily forgotten.... but .....People like that who take pot shots at you are shooting blanks!! Talking smack about anything they can think of because THEY THEMSELVES are empty inside. Without pot shots and ugly gossip... they are NOTHING. You just got hit with an imaginary bullet !! Think about it for a minute.... You're NOT bleeding!! Pissed off... yes.. but not bleeding. The best revenge you can have on her is to not let her get to you. She is a small small person.
I got so used to my ED pulling this kind of crap that I knew whenever she was around..... some kind of drama was about to ensue. So.... I figured if it was going to happen, I'd start it. It was like entertaining myself. I'd say something that I KNEW would send her into a rage. She'd get pissed off and ....LEAVE! Yea!! I even started doing this when other people would be around. My ED would barge into my house unexpectedly and uninvited. When this happens, EVERYONE has to stop what they are doing and pay attention to her. She makes sure that happens. I'd say to my friends.... "Hey.. watch this..!" I'd then start pulling her strings... she would react just as I knew she would and then she'd leave, slamming the door behind her. Then... I'd turn to my friends and say..."Now, what were we talking about????"
I know you are hurt and angry but look back on it. She's just a petty little conniving gossip. SOOOO FAR beneath you!! You have more character in your little finger than she would have if she were as big as an moose!. It's not important she knows this. It's important YOU do!
Probably won't even notice - I had no idea the world is so full of them ... and it literally IS a brain disorder - they can NOT feel empathy ... it's all about looking through a lense that says ... umm! What's in this for me?
It just is ... and after studying mental illness to TRY and get some understanding on my son's mental illness - there are some real doozies out there ... don't let looking normal ever fool you!!!!
I'm glad I could help - I've been feeling a little 'useless' of late!!!!
BJ
Bless your heart Barb - thank you so much for that pep talk. You know - when I thought about this post - it occurred to me that 5 years ago - I would not have let this bother me at all. I would have laughed it off. I didn't realize how far the estrangement had taken me down. And - I sure don't have to let that happen or to be me anymore. I've been there - I climbed out of that dark hole and she is NOT putting me back in there - as much as she'd like to.
Yes I am hurt and angry - but screw her!! She is a very little person with absolutely no integrity and what she does - really has nothing to do with me. It has everything to do with her.
Thanks again - that was a great pep talk and I absolutely do feel better.
You know the drill, you have had to do it before. Give them the flick and get to know some of the nice people who actually will care for you.
I am sorry that once again you have been let down by people you ought to be able to trust.
In the meantime... it's nice to be needed.
I used to be such a strong woman - and I still am - thank you so much for reminding me of that.
Yes Charlotte - I do know the drill and I need to move on as I did with my son. Abusive people do not deserve anymore of our time. I will give her the "flick" or the finger - :) whichever works.......
And Barb - I so agree - we are here for each other and we make such a difference in each others' lives. I so love you guys. I've been down for awhile now and all I needed to do was come here and tell you how I was feeling. What do you know - I am back - thank you so much.
We've had a lot of practice getting to know good people in these rooms and I think that is such good information for when someone abuses us. I don't have to ask myself if I was abused - I KNOW I was abused. Because now I know the difference between abuse and love.