The Circle Community Group
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Hey, all.
I don't like drama. At all. ( probably because I used to be a drama queen..
I suffer from Post Dramatic Stress :-)
I..
Hmm... don't know where to start.
I have cardio and pulmonary appointments mid April..
So.. yeh.. I'm doing what I can.
I'm not able to move around much at all.
IDK if it's due to being so short of breath..
Or something to do with the chest to jaw pain..
That Dr. Said is likely some kind of heart damage
( maybe due to too oxygen being too low too much?)
Anyway..
I pretty much can't exxagerate how little activity it takes to almost lay me out.
And.. it takes a lot longer to level off being inactive.
The thing is..
My husband just WON'T acknowledge that there's a potential
Well.. frankly.. for death.
( in spite of my talking to him about the ..multiple.. deaths on the COPD board)
..that makes it kinda hard...
Firstly. Because it leaves me alone with my fears....
And..
Because I want to talk about practical matters.
He always has an excuse not to..
It's never the " right " time.
So..I've given him notice that we're gong to make an appointment with each other to talk about these things before my stress test.
( Due to the COPD.. there's NO way I'll be able to do the treadmill.. so.. they'll have to induce stress with chemicals)
THAT.. scares me
Anyway...
I'm nit even sure what this is about.
Except...
I know you guys won't just dismiss my concerns.
( and.. yes.. I know my husband is doing that from his own fear.)
Lastly..
I'm very afraid that either or.. or both cardio and pulmonary Dr.s are going to say
the opiates have to go.
Thing is..
I just don't want to live.. at all..
In the amount of pain that would leave me in.
I'm sorry this is such a ramble.
That really is kinda pointless.
I just..
Want shoulders to cry on?
( OK... yeh.. that's the embarrassing part for me
Hugs all
I don't like drama. At all. ( probably because I used to be a drama queen..
I suffer from Post Dramatic Stress :-)
I..
Hmm... don't know where to start.
I have cardio and pulmonary appointments mid April..
So.. yeh.. I'm doing what I can.
I'm not able to move around much at all.
IDK if it's due to being so short of breath..
Or something to do with the chest to jaw pain..
That Dr. Said is likely some kind of heart damage
( maybe due to too oxygen being too low too much?)
Anyway..
I pretty much can't exxagerate how little activity it takes to almost lay me out.
And.. it takes a lot longer to level off being inactive.
The thing is..
My husband just WON'T acknowledge that there's a potential
Well.. frankly.. for death.
( in spite of my talking to him about the ..multiple.. deaths on the COPD board)
..that makes it kinda hard...
Firstly. Because it leaves me alone with my fears....
And..
Because I want to talk about practical matters.
He always has an excuse not to..
It's never the " right " time.
So..I've given him notice that we're gong to make an appointment with each other to talk about these things before my stress test.
( Due to the COPD.. there's NO way I'll be able to do the treadmill.. so.. they'll have to induce stress with chemicals)
THAT.. scares me
Anyway...
I'm nit even sure what this is about.
Except...
I know you guys won't just dismiss my concerns.
( and.. yes.. I know my husband is doing that from his own fear.)
Lastly..
I'm very afraid that either or.. or both cardio and pulmonary Dr.s are going to say
the opiates have to go.
Thing is..
I just don't want to live.. at all..
In the amount of pain that would leave me in.
I'm sorry this is such a ramble.
That really is kinda pointless.
I just..
Want shoulders to cry on?
( OK... yeh.. that's the embarrassing part for me
Hugs all
inducing chemicals to bring up stress for the test sounds scary in itself. i would be a nervous wreck. just remember, you got us and we are here for you holding you up. im sure the dr and his technicians will take real good care of you.
the thought of loosing your pain meds must be cause panic. are there any other options available to you (i.e. pain pump, MMJ) to treat your pain? are you afraid they (opiates) are contributing to the illness? chronic pain drains the life out of us. the thought of having more is overwhelming. i can relate to the feelings of not wanting to live. it gets tiring day after day. but i tell you what...it does get better.
keep writing here, express your needs and wants. maybe we can carry you thru that next hurdle. what ever you do, please dont give up. AND you dont ever have to be sorry for posting. how can i help?
You are so damn sweet.
You made me teary. You've already helped, thank you.
Hugs
He knows my wishes as far as giving my daughter all my jewelry. I've given her much of it already. Not that I'm dripping gold. I'm not. But the pieces I have, should something happen to me, Hal knows to give to Katy.
OMG, the thought of losing pain relief is damn near terrifying. I understand that realistic fear. I would be scared too. Eventually, the same thing could happen to me. Let's hope not.
Your chemical induced stress test should be safe. If you start to struggle, you have a cardiologist right there, even if he is in the next room, who will know how to counter anything that comes up. At the slightest glitch, speak up. I hope the test goes by quickly. I hope this helps.
You are loved dearly by many people, especially here. I hope you never hesitate to tell us what's REALLY going on.
It's good to hear it from someone else..who knows it first hand
I keep reminding myself, too.. that..if you're going to have a heart attack..
The heart center is the palace to have it. :-)
..have you seen any of the recent new info that is saying opiates might actually be
Beneficial for late stage COPD.
Kinda seems evident..
The " best " cough medicine has always had codiene.
Thank you for your kind words, too.
Hugs
Mario knows that my brain tumor is kissing the brain stem. Here today and gone tomorrow. Reality but we just live each day as if there is a tomorrow. This is why I want to buy the float home as it will be the perfect place for him.
The chemically induced stress test doesn't last very long but as Dianna says if there is a problem they are right there to reverse the situation.
About the pain meds, it is more stressful on the heart etc. to be in pain so perhaps you get to keep them.
You are valued and loved. You are a dear dear wonderful part of fc. No need to ever feel embarrassment....help is but a keystroke away. LOVE>>>>>>>HUGS>>>>>>>>>>>
Please don't ever be embarrassed about anything with us. We all need to admit that we're having a rough time or having other issues at one time or another.
There are a lot of men who can't deal with illness, especially when it's someone they love who's been ill. I don't know if your husband feels that way or if he's one that just likes to ignore it and hopes it goes away. I wish I could help you thete, but unfortunately I can't.
I'm so sorry you are dealing with COPD & other issues. I have COPD too as well as my mom had it and dad has it. Its hard to do things when you're having trouble breathing. Know I'm always here for you if you ever need me. I'm so sorry you're dealing with all this but please don't ever be afraid to come and vent here.
Love you and pray things get better soon.
♥¤♥¤♥¤♥¤♥¤♥¤♥
Mary Ellen
It's funny how alike most of our husbands are. .. Must have something to do with the type
It takes to stick it out with someone when " in sickness and in health" gets puts to the hard tests.
..I get that about the fliat house.. I sometimes find myself making plans or decisions now because I feel it will somehow make things better for my husband if I'm not here.
You can imagine the struggle that it was to talk him into getting some life insurance on me.
( that came down to my refusing to go to Dr.s a couple of years back.. because I didn't want the DXs on paper that would make life insurance unobtainable.. I won that round. :-)
Thank you.
MaryEllen..
My Mom said she never even felt the difference when the got her heart racing!
THANK you for saying they give you medication to stop that feeling when it's over.. that was one of the things I was anxious about. I have a horrible reaction to the nebulizer treatment I've gotten for pleuresy..
And.. they've always left me to just wait until the shakes and hugely dilated eyes wears off on it's own.
A horrible feeling. How on earth do you do all the exercising that you do with COPD?
You're a tough one, Fay.
I can't thank you guys enough. I hate being needy.
To be clear.. my husband isn't being.. at all.. unkind..
He just CAN't face the possibilities head on.
As wonderful as he is inso many other ways.. I can forgive that :-)
Liveya's
Thank you
My COPD did get better when I quit smoking 2 yrs ago. I don't cough, or wheeze anymore. I've been exercising since 2001 which was before I was diagnosed. I even was able to get off my inhalers. I can only contribute this to quitting smoking.
I do the cardio so I don't get worse, even though I know I am but not as bad as I could be.
Love ya,
♥¤♥¤♥¤♥¤
ME
there's already good advice and reasurrance here. waiting for procedures is a new form of torture to me.
i here for you in any way that will help. big hugs, hope and love, s~
.. yeh..I hate anticipating things more than the actual things very often :-)
ME..
I quit smoking two yrs ago, too!!
I'm don't imagine I'd still be here if I hadn't.
You're all such great role models.
Hugs
The hands are ice right now. You know you always have my support. I'll try to get back on later if not tomorrow.
I have had the stress test 2xs and it's a shocker for only a few seconds and then you're quipping jokes ;)
There will always be a form of pain control available to you. When I couldn't get any pain meds I got mj. We do what we have to. I'm sure you know someone or know someone who knows someone. So push that problem away from you for now.
Love you GF and sending comfy hugs
I like to have some good material prepared. :-) :-)
Let's cut to the chase,
Guys are idiots,
and I count myself in this group
Facing painful situations is not an easy thing for us guys
Guys really want to Fix stuff, we want to show and feel in control
To face a not so fixable situation is not an easy or comfortable thing for a guy
We tend to seek out the easiest and least emotional path to a fix
That's a guy thing, you all know all about that
He does love you, your lucky!
As far as the cardio issues, I have a smidge of expirance
The fear and anxiety can be overwhelming
I understand your fear, and you are right to be afraid
All this shit is scary stuff,
The can I handle the test?
Will I tip over ? At any moment is a very real fear
I get that mindset, I lived that fear for a long time
Been dealing with heart crap for 16 years now
I still go to bed and wonder if I'm going to wake up
When I go for a ride, I wonder will I make it home.
I live that fear every day
As far as opiods, I was on fentenal and morphine sulfate and other stuff for 12+ years
As A patient at a pain clinic
I titrated down for a year than stopped All daily pain meds
It was very hard, but I now do feel better without the daily meds
And when I am in really bad shape, I have a bit of oxycodone 5 mg to help out
It seems like it works better than the regular pain meds I was on 3 years ago
I guess my point is, if you need to go off pain meds, it's not the end of the world
And this too is something you can do, if you need to.
I am so sorry, I so wish I could do more
Please know I care
Love n Hugs
Michael
I'm glad you made the appt with your hubby. As someone mentioned have a list or outline of what you wish to cover so you hit all the bases so to speak. Before my last back surgery in 12/11 I sat my hubby down and went over the songs I had saved on my phone for my funeral & how I wanted it done. Ideally I'd love to make a video with all the songs and in the middle have myself popping up and saying Boo! He didn't find it amusing, I & my dad thought it was hysterical.
I really, really understand the alone feeling with your thoughts and fears and only the mirror to talk to. That's why this group has been my saving grace. Just know that we all are here to pick you up and carry you through these tough times and we're here to celebrate all the good times. There isn't a day that goes by, unless your not on either board that you don't make me smile. You are such an integral part of this group as well as the other. I'm happy to hold your hand for as long as you need me. I have one pretty good shoulder so lean away my friend I/we gotcha.
Love & Hugs
Lisa