TeenDS: Teen LGBTQ Issues Support Group
A community for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning teens to talk about their sexual identity, including: coming out, relationships, friendships, organizations, school, and current events.
So I'm gay. I know that, I'm aware. I'm not denying it. I've known basically all of middle school, and I've just finished eighth grade. Let me just say, middle school was the worst three years of my life and it wasn't for my paranoid fear of blood I would have started harming myself a lot earlier than I did. (There was a period of about a month when I scratched myself until I bled every day. I have scars now.)
I was so fucking excited to get into high school, to have a normal experience, date someone real.
I've come out to my closest friends and even the kids in the play at my school. The play part was so sappy and everyone cried and they called me the bravest person they had ever met and I felt like it.
The thing is, none of them really get it though. They all can say they're so happy for me and they hope I find love but its so fucking easy to say that. It's an entirely different story to actually do it.
Already one of my closest friends is so infatuated with a guy and he her and they're actually really sweet and they genuinely care about each other but every time I see them is just another reminder that I'll NEVER have anything close to that in high school. Not just a good friend but someone who will hold my hand and kiss me and be on my side no matter what because we get each other more than other people get each other.
I'm so alone and it's so painful. Every single night I cry myself to sleep knowing this and I feel like such a drama queen but how could I not be? I've waited SO long to finally be able to find someone and now I'm realizing the possibilites of that happening are so slim...
It's just so unfair. I go to a private school that makes a big show of having 'diversity' because it's not just white kids and there was a trans girl who graduated two years ago. But the thing is the atmosphere there is just as toxic as anywhere else. My grade is small as it is, probably around 80-90 people tops. So I know everyone and NO ONE is gay except me. My only option would be a new student joining as a freshman but I saw some of them at an accepted students day and NONE of them looked anything but straight as a needle.
My friends keep telling me I'll find someone eventually and god, I want to believe them. It's just not realistic anymore.
