i was molested when i was really young so i understand the flash backs. there really isn't anything you can do. they will go away eventually but it may take some time at first then it should get better. dont rush it way until you are 100% sure you are ready.

i can relate to you completely. when i was fifteen i got myself into an abusive relationship, it went on and off for about three years. you know how it is, basically impossible to leave them...before that, my father...yea...anyway, i have been dating my boyfriend now for about nine months, and are sexually active. once or twice i have gotten flashbacks while we are being intimate, and once they happen, we stop. because my body tenses and i become scared and begin to cry. lately, i have been dealing with crying after we have sex, because of everything i have gone through...
anyway, you just need to be comfortable. it helps me to know that my boyfriend wont hurt me, like that, ever. maybe you just arent ready for this step...because of everything. that is completely understandable.
im sorry if i jumped around.

yeah my boyfriend tries everything to get my comfortable. some days it works, some days it doesn't. back massages usually help me. i love back massages. haha

yeah when i had flashbacks i started shaking and crying and we stopped.
i was fine on tuesday though and i was so happy. i was like yaaaay running around and dancing. haha i looked weird probably, but i was happy. hahaha. i guess it's just one of those good day bad day things? we'll see.

personally i say if your uncomfortable (even if you tell yourself you are) you shouldnt try to make yourself comfortable. things like these worries (no matter your oppinion on them) are not the problems you think they are. ask yourself why do i want to have sex? your answer may be more selfish then you think. God intended sex for two reasons...1) to make children....2) to join our souls with our spose.... the fact that it is enjoyable is only so we would do it more often. i encourage you to abstain from sex if not for the reasons above then for yourself (time without sex may help you supress your flashbacks). think on it

Having been sexually abused when I was 10, I know you need to go seek out a therapist. This kind of thing will haunt you for a long time until you find a way to 1) Forgive yourself and 2) Give yourself permission to be happy sexually again. You, having a sexual need...a yearning for sex did not cause you to be sexually abused by that scum of a boy. You are human. You deserve to be pleased sexually without abuse.

I am sorry that some boys are scum. I for one am not. But many times girls, unknowingly, give away their power in bed. They take on the submissive role in order to be loved by a boy. This is nice for us. But it also gives us power. Boys, especially boys who 1) Have themselves been abused, 2) Seen visually and heard their fathers and/or brothers sexualizing and making their girlfriends and or mother an object, not a human with feeling, and 3) never been in touch with their own emotional person tend to objectify girls because they are stronger and because they don't know any better. And women just take it. This so pisses me off.

So when I was dating this guy once, and he acted like he wanted me to be "the bitch" stereotype...I walked away. That was just one rabbit hole I never wanted to go down. When he asked why I left him I told him he was damaged goods. I wrote him a letter explaining what I meant later. We are still friends and he has changed a little as a person. Oh, I was right. his father raped his mother twice. He heard the violence through the walls. His father also treated him like a sub-human bitch boy and still does. He's 15 and is counting the days till he can leave his parent's home.

So in closing, get therapy. Analyze the boys you go out with. Ask them what kind of man their father's were like to their mothers. In general, if a boy treats his mother with respect and love, he will do the same to you. If not, beware.

Liam

This is common with sexually abused people. I think it is great he is willing to work with you and he isn't pressuring you. That's great! These are things you have to deal with on your own and in your own ways. Go back to doing the things you did before you started having sex. Fall in love with him again and see if that makes you more comfortable like the first time.