I'm having trouble moving forward after a 7 year relationship with a sociopath. We've been married for 5 years, but, obviously, not happily. The final straw was, after a year long separation, I let him back into my world and things ended violently.

I moved to a different state to "start over" and was making big strides during our year apart. Sure enough, he sucked me back in and I let him back into the beautiful life I had created on my own. He lied about his heroin addiction and came "back" to me sick. He stopped using for a while and, as usual, began his cycle of coldness, projecting his issues onto me, talking to other women, and making me feel like I was the most worthless person in the planet. I started drinking heavily, gained 20 lbs, and was walking on eggshells to keep him "happy". Finally, when I knew I couldn't do it anymore, I took a few shots of "liquid courage" in an effort to be strong enough to tell him it was over. Before it got to that point, we started arguing. He grabbed our dog and I chased after him. I was trying to get my dog from him, and he punched me in the face and ran into his friend's apartment. I called the police, but so did he, even having his friend scratch up his back to make it look like I attacked him. The police questioned both of us, as I was bleeding from a broken nose, and arrested me based on the lies he and his friend told them. I've never been to jail, am educated and come from a good family. I was horrified. Fortunately, I was released the next day and no charges were filed. In the meantime, he took our dog and moved, although not back to his home state. He's *somewhere* in the same city. 

Through therapy and research, it is clear that he has all the signs of a narcissistic sociopath, something I knew when we separated. He contacted me multiple times after he left, alternating between wanting to be "friends" and saying the most despicable things about me he could think of. I finally stopped responding and have fought my hardest to maintain no contact for a week now. At first it was easy, I felt relief and gratitude that I made it out alive and the freedom I felt was exhilarating. But. I'm currently struggling with an obsession that he's already moved on to someone else and missing him. I tell myself daily "he's sick, he never loved you, normal people don't treat people the way he treated you" and it helps. But I still check my email obsessively (I blocked him on my phone) hoping that maybe, just maybe, he's miserable without me and wants me back. I guess I'm just grieving and need to process all the trauma, it's only been a month. I long for the day when he doesn't cross my mind at all...

*I have been sober for 30 days today!!!*