I just creeper his Instagram and saw that he has a new girlfriend. That's why he's not answering my texts. I'm hysterical

Usually when everything is going badly that sets us up for relapse. I've noticed this with other vices of mine. I'm sure this one is no differrent. Actually it isn't. i left that longterm friend over and over. Yet when lonliness or despair set in I was there and ready for what I knew was eventual abuse. I thought I was the one having problems with codependancy as we were both codependant. But than as time went on I learned I was a victim of domestic violence by her. Not enough to maintain permanent distance though. But nor that she is recognised by me as an N among possible other things symptomwise , that defines her as possibly something never discussed........well once I saw these antisocial behaviors of them for what they were, staying away is easy.......so far. I'm only setting into my second month of sobriety after all.....and you had more sobriety than me before your relapse. So who am I to judge?
Maybe you weren't perfect with the EX. That does not justify excessive emotional damage against you as an individual. I wasn't perfect with the female friend of old. And than I was a pill while going tghrough andropause with intense anger coming from nowhere. I said a lot of I'm sorrys during those times and stated she did not deserve the treatment nor was she the real reason or reason at all. I got a lot less from her and she had already gone through menopause , andropause is the male version of perimenopause. Hot flashes, depression and irritability in my case and it was bad. But all that to say that I had no problem admitting I was wrong. She no way did anything wrong , however. So we both have learned. Such is not reason for blaming oneself for the intentional nonstop abuse of the other person(s) (plural in my case) And I feel bad for my errors not attributed to andropause. It is too late to do anything about them now though. The other person is an abuser. Trying to do something to correct our legitimate wrongs is like asking to be abused all over again is like asking to be abused all over again by that abuser we want to make amends to.
In 12 Step fraternities that deal with alcohol and other differrent vices, Their is a step which states that: we are to prmptly make amends to those we have hurt "unless doing so would bring about more hurt to the person or others". The words in brackets seem to be of major significance to me when it comes to making amends for certain wrongs committed against somebody who only sees us as somebody to abuse nonstop. Discernment is to be made in this step in my point of view unless you have a powerful Higher Power who you want to follow in this area. I'm not promoting a violation of NC in applying this step , however as the abuser is not overly interested in forgiving. Remember that persons with such antisocial personality traits do not feel a lot of empathy if any at all, unless they are apaths colluding with the psychopath. And even they have no compassion for the target of the psychopath. So I'd recommend not apologising to them if you were their target. Even the best person in the world makes mistakes. :)

Heyvee, don't be so hard on yourself. Everyone makes mistakes... the key is to learn from the mistake and not do it again. Sadly your ex is the typical narcissist who wastes no time in finding a new target. Now is the time to focus on rebuilding your life without him, and even though you might think that's a bad thing right now, it's not a bad thing. You were feeling lonely and vulnerable, and it's normal to reach out to those we care about it. But the narcissists don't care.... they just aren't wired like normal people.

Tomorrow is a new day with a new beginning. Try to focus on you, your mother and family, and your puppy. I hope your mother is feeling much better, and I'm sorry to hear about your little puppy. Hope he's okay. We're here for you. Big hug to you, sweetie. Hang in there.

Don't beat yourself up. Remember it is like an addiction. We are all here to support you. Don't think of the other girl. She is just another victim. You will be okay and find something better one day! Hugs to you! Keep your head up! I pray for your mother and your healing!

And yes, how is your Mom and puppy doing? I was so centerred on you that I forgot about the other two in your life, Give puppy a BIG hug and be greatful for puppy. He/she is more loving than any N will ever be. :)

I'm devastated. Haven't slept all night. Can't stop crying. My ex and his new girlfriend seem so happy. She's beyond beautiful and she's holding his kid in all of the pictures. He never even let me meet his kid. I'm losing my mind. I don't know what to do.....

think about it this way hevvee, what exactly do you miss about him? just like facebook , instagram is showing an illusion. i gaurentee you he is going to treat her like shit to. maybe not today but sooner or later. they all do it. they cant help it. this is part of why we go no contact because everytime we see something they are doing it causes you pain until your farther along in your recovery. but so you dont beat yourself up just know almost all of us do it at least once. its normal. so please dont be to hard on yourself. i know your hurting and i wish i could fix that for you. every time you contact them it can be like back sliding in your recovery back into the devastating pain. thats part of why we go no contact. its kind of like knowing a pan is hot but touching it to see what it feels like. he doesnt even deserve you girl dont waste your tears on someone like that. is this you in your profile picture? because if it is your so beautiful and you have your whole life adventures in front of you. dont waste your time crying ( even though i know you cant help it right now ) over someone who just isnt worth your pain. he didnt just go and change for her she is going to deal with the same person inside that you did. feel sorry for her dont think your missing out, your not. just dive into caring for your mom, family, puppy and yourself for now it will distract you a little bit and your mom and uppy need you right now. each day you get up i want you to go find a positive affirmation somewhere, the internet or a book, and say it over and over. work on you right now , no one is worth this much pain or sorrow you will see that in time hun. for now just keep talking about how you feel but keep studying about narcissist because i believe he is one . take care and please dont give up the fight. thinking of you and here for you too. hugs bella

Heyvee, you need to start concentrating on you and YOU! Whatever you will focus on in your mind, you will bring more of into your life. The moment you start shifting your focus, things WILL change. Sometimes it's better, to look at what happy people do well, instead of focusing on, what disfunctional people do poorly. If you have some time today, do yourself a favor deary and watch THE SHIFT on YouTube with Wayne Dyer. Take care of your puppy, your lovely mom and YOURSELF. :)

I just feel like I can't live anymore. All of my negative thoughts came back. All of them. She's in pictures with his whole family, holding his new niece. He has hundreds of pictures of her up because she's so gorgeous and he's showing her off. He barely put any pictures of me up and the two he put up he had to edit. I feel fucking hideous. I feel terrible. I literally can't breathe. I don't know what to do. He's going to haunt my life forever. Seeing her with his kid just killed me....
he does all the things with her that we never did together. They look so happy........
like a big happy family
no matter what anyone says I'll never feel good enough, I'll never Soto blaming myself.
in all of those pictures his whole family is commenting on how amazing they look together and they're fawning over her.
he seems to have changed his whole life foe the better.
and every day all I do is cry over him and sit here on my bed.
I literally don't know what to do anymore

my heart hurts so much I can't breathe.
I've lost everything. I'll never ever be the same again because of him.

He never responded to my text either. He thinks I'm insane
he probably laughed to his new love that his crazy ex is bitching to him again.
I never imagined I would be in this much emotional pain. I don't know what to do anymore.
I can't date, all I think about is him. Every day of my life I'm miserable
it'll never go away. I'll never find someone who will five me the attention that he did.
I fucked up in the relationship. I told him I loved him after three weeks and it ruined everything. Nothing was the same again. Because after I said that, he felt pressured to say it back, he no longer felt the need to impress me anymore. He felt I was forcing him to have the same feelings. I scares him away. Anyone would freak out and leave. Its my fault. I ruined it all

heyvee,

There is someone else in your life that needs your love and compassion right now, more than anyone else. Please go look in the mirror, that person looking back at you is in a great deal of pain and feeling lost in the world right now. Treat that person in the mirror with the same compassion and commitment you give to everyone else. Look at the clock, just take 5 minutes and take of care that person, she needs you. Start there.

Darling girl, please stop putting the blame on yourself. That's not fair to you. He was the one who initially made you feel bad about yourself. He started undermining your confidence and self worth. Please remember how he made you feel UNloved and in pain. He is far from the perfect guy with his mind games. I hope you will be able to see how much of a narcissist that he is. I'm not a gambling woman, but I would put big $$ on your ex being a narc.

Right now you're not able to see how this other girl is to be pitied, but I hope one day soon you will be able to see the truth. It is NOT your fault. I wish I was with you right now to give you a giant hug. Hope you can feel this virtual (((((hug))))).

I think if I believed he was a true narc I wouldn't be in so much pain. I fucked up a lot too. After I told him I loved him my mind went into defense mode because I knew that despite him saying it back that he wasn't ready to say it to me. And if he didn't text me for a few hours I would passively aggressively ignore his phone calls and claim that he didn't love me at all and that if he did love me he would call me more. I acted like a child. And despite him reassuring me I questioned him constantly. I know that he got so tired of it that he ran. I wouldn't want to have to reassure someone every five seconds of hoe i felt about them either. I would leave them too.
every time he didn't cuddle me back I got upset because in my mind I believed he didn't love me.
I changed completely after I said I loved him
completely.
I don't know why he said he wanted to marry me. He probably saw the old me one night that he fell on love with and said it because he was happy and enjoyed being with me.
I pushed him away. I continued to be passive and start arguments and ignore him more. When he had a problem with his kid he couldn't share it to me because all I thought about was whether he loved me or not.
I was selfish, completely. And he saw it and he couldn't take it anymore and knew he had to leave.
now he's with someone better who is lore stable who can appreciate the flow of love and goodness that he gave me. That's why she got to meet his kid and I didn't. That's why he is showing her off all over his Instagram. He never felt comfortable with me because he saw I was insecure and codependent and that my moods changed frequently. I'll always blame myself. Always

If I truly believed I didn't deserve this, I would have been able to move on. I'm starting to think that his only crime was leaving me without any closure and letting me change.
he knew I wouldn't change and that he didn't want to be with someone who started fights with him for no reason when all he did was be himself and care as much as he tried to.

So heyvee, if you TRULY believe all the above about yourself, what can be a 1st step for YOU to take, in order to grow and become healthy?