I was called a narcissist and a sociopath by my ex sociopath. Really?! They will call you everything THEY are! You are not. Don't fall for that bullshit. I did. I actually thought I was evil. The only way is to walk. I lost everything to my ex. Took me six months to get back in my feet. Walk away. They are not real. A shell.

That makes me feel a little better. He is so GOOD at making me believe that everything is my fault. Yesterday he sat and in a very calm tone told me all kinds of terrible things he thought about me. Two days before that he loved me to distraction and couldn't wait to see me. It makes me feel crazy and confused all of the time. I hate it.

I never knew what I would come to each day. We were engaged. One day he loved me. The next I was stupid and a zero. He left for a "bike ride" one night and was dumb enough to leave his FB messenger open on his laptop. I got to read the messages he was sending women. He spent my birthday with another woman. When I left, he offered to let me "use his gun to Jill myself." They are not human. It gave me peace to know I was dealing with a MONSTER. I will never waste another second of my life with anyone like this. The first red flag and they are blocked. Out of my life. If I can survive, you can. You really can. I still have tough days but I love my life. I'm completely alone. I have 4 friends that I trust. He tried to ruin me and put down my good traits. Now I know I am a good and kind person. He is sick. I found help. He won't. I will never give him the satisfaction of knowing that I struggled so hard. He needs to pay my therapy and medication bills. I'd also like to have my belongings and savings account back. They are just things. I am safe. I am alive. You are too!

Sorry about typos. Thinking of you. Make it another 24 hours. It gets easier.

Same thing here. Third time breaking up, always at his sudden dismiss and always followed up immediately with a new girlfriend which were normally hidden but not this time. I even spoke with her. GAH!! He has my engagement ring that he was giving me next month in Mexico... what a joke! However just like you everytime i sit and re read all the messages saying how bad I always hurt him by putting him second and standing up for all the wrong people in my life and never being able to fully give him everything (because I was hesitant from the past cheating and being thrown out without warning) maybe it was all me, maybe we were just all wrong. But I loved him more than anything, He could be so wonderful always texting me missing me doing things for me but then the doubt sinks in was he texting all these others too behind my back? UGH! What a nightmare

You will get through this! I know that sounds hard in the moment but you will. I dealt with someone like this off and on for 10 years..and it was a nightmare. They love to create drama between you and the other mistresses.. I have even had long conversations with some of the other women and how we both agree how crazy he is. Yet, both of us stayed in it and he would keep both of us around. Sociopaths do not understand what love is, to them it is finding someone who has resources, and they can emotionally target to make themselves feel more confident. They will never take responsibility for what they have done, and even when they are the one hurting you, they will turn it around, turn everyone in their life against you.. and make you look like the bad guy. Then you will start to second guess yourself, your self esteem will get low, you will get yourself into bad situations because you hear his voice over and over again... he will put you down, until you are so low, that he will beg for you back and tell you he wants you.. and you are so low that you believe it and take him back. They make it feel like you are in a love story, because when they are not around.. you fantasize what your life can be. You know that they could change, or possibly did. You have hope that maybe if you come back together, that he will be nicer, he will want you more, he will commit to you. This is the cycle and it keeps going and going. Until, YOU, finally get strong enough to cut ties completely. The only resolution I finally found after 10 years, self help books, journeling, yoga, anti anxiety medication, people..... was to completely block him from my entire life. Fortunately, we didn't live in the same area anymore so I knew I wouldn't run into him. I started to cut that idea of what I think it is, and call it what it is. I was angry, very angry... I cried, I felt betrayed again...I felt stupid, I felt helpless. Feel all of those emotions...work through all of them. Sometimes we need to hit the rock bottom of it before we can see and be brave for the truth. I started hiking more, doing things I loved...started journaling even more...yoga even more. Do whatever you need to do to keep you calm during these times. Work through them, and know that they will pass. A year later since the abuser was in my life.. I have met the love of my life, who treats me amazing. He even came with me to burn the scrap books and pictures I kept from the ex. There is no need to hang onto them..throw all of that away! Looking at those, will only make you miss the "idea" of them, and will keep you sad, and wondering what if again. Did you make a mistake? Was it your fault? Maybe he just needs some emotional help..the thing is, you cant help him and no one else can. Sociopaths do not learn, they do not know how to self help...they are not self aware. They will not seek to get help, because they will never own up to their actions.

This is a dead end road.. no matter what. Keep pushing through, and therapy also helped me a lot! Having a safe space to talk to someone, since all of my friends didn't want to hear about it anymore..
Sending love and light to you