Wrongful Conviction/ Injustice Community Group
For people and families who have tasted or advocate against the horrors of injustice
Fellow posters and friends,
As I said, I have been in this fight for some time, from wrongly convicted inmate to advocate for prison reform and reform of our criminal justice system to champion of human rights. But I also deal a lot on a personal level with those who are suffering from injustices, as I message and talk to them every day.
Talking to the grieving mothers and wives has left me with a unique perspective on a personal level.
So I would like others to read what I am about to say and my views.
After that, I would like to pose a question to all-------If you were the victim of an injustice or closely know someone who suffered and injustice, what was it like for you and WHY did it hurt so much? Deep down what was it about the injustice that made it so painful. I would really like to hear from others.
Injustices literally assault our soul because they destroy our once instilled core values.
As we grew up, we were taught certain "truths" concerning life and the people in our lives. We were taught that the police were our friends; that the government tries to do what is best for all its citizens; for the most part if we are kind and live a good life, we can expect the same in return; and that while nobody is perfect, most people are decent folks.
The police are not your friends. The days of Andy in Mayberry or the hometown cop on the beat being a friend are long gone. Police have an agenda and they make arrests. Some policemen even develop a toxic mentality toward the very citizens they should protect and they see them as quasi-enemies. After all, in their eyes, we are all potential law breakers.
The government does not do what is best for its citizens. Our government is comprised of many men who have no idea what life is like for the average citizen---and they don't care. They make decisions on what is best for them. The only time they speak of the "plight of our people" is at re-election time.
In a criminal justice sense, DAs convict. They are ruthless individuals who have no qualms about conviction an innocent person if it will further their career.
Bad things---sometimes horrible things---happen to very good people sometimes. In the Bible there is a passage that says "the rain falls equally on the rightesous and evil alike." That is not the exact quote, but close. Life is not fair for everyone.
Many people are not decent folks. Some are greedy, mean-spirited human beings who care about nobody.
Now, when we suffer an injustice we realize all these things and the Pollyana is knocked right out of our soul. We realize that what we have been led to believe growing up was just a lie. We feel betrayed. We are hurt. We wonder how this can be. Our core values have been questioned.
The shock and betrayal of our values and beliefs are the most devastating issue when dealing with an injustice. At least that has been my experience.
What is / was your experience? How did it affect you in a mental sense???
rewdiazepam
As I said, I have been in this fight for some time, from wrongly convicted inmate to advocate for prison reform and reform of our criminal justice system to champion of human rights. But I also deal a lot on a personal level with those who are suffering from injustices, as I message and talk to them every day.
Talking to the grieving mothers and wives has left me with a unique perspective on a personal level.
So I would like others to read what I am about to say and my views.
After that, I would like to pose a question to all-------If you were the victim of an injustice or closely know someone who suffered and injustice, what was it like for you and WHY did it hurt so much? Deep down what was it about the injustice that made it so painful. I would really like to hear from others.
Injustices literally assault our soul because they destroy our once instilled core values.
As we grew up, we were taught certain "truths" concerning life and the people in our lives. We were taught that the police were our friends; that the government tries to do what is best for all its citizens; for the most part if we are kind and live a good life, we can expect the same in return; and that while nobody is perfect, most people are decent folks.
The police are not your friends. The days of Andy in Mayberry or the hometown cop on the beat being a friend are long gone. Police have an agenda and they make arrests. Some policemen even develop a toxic mentality toward the very citizens they should protect and they see them as quasi-enemies. After all, in their eyes, we are all potential law breakers.
The government does not do what is best for its citizens. Our government is comprised of many men who have no idea what life is like for the average citizen---and they don't care. They make decisions on what is best for them. The only time they speak of the "plight of our people" is at re-election time.
In a criminal justice sense, DAs convict. They are ruthless individuals who have no qualms about conviction an innocent person if it will further their career.
Bad things---sometimes horrible things---happen to very good people sometimes. In the Bible there is a passage that says "the rain falls equally on the rightesous and evil alike." That is not the exact quote, but close. Life is not fair for everyone.
Many people are not decent folks. Some are greedy, mean-spirited human beings who care about nobody.
Now, when we suffer an injustice we realize all these things and the Pollyana is knocked right out of our soul. We realize that what we have been led to believe growing up was just a lie. We feel betrayed. We are hurt. We wonder how this can be. Our core values have been questioned.
The shock and betrayal of our values and beliefs are the most devastating issue when dealing with an injustice. At least that has been my experience.
What is / was your experience? How did it affect you in a mental sense???
rewdiazepam
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Which explains the mysterious fevers and my extra fatigue. I'm so glad I pushed for answers.
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Due to my increased paranoia, anxiety, and a panic attack over the weekend, my psychiatrist has put me back in a full dose of Zyprexa until further notice. Every time I think I'm getting ahead something happens and it's back to square one. I knew he was gonna do this but I can't help feeling disappointed. It is what it is.
Loss of employment was the first hurdle, in searching for new job, being top candidate for hire in another state agency, and finding out that I was not hired due to the original agency not responding to request for information set up the ensuing situation that continues to haunt me even today. I have people ask me, would you do it again, and I say, yes, I would, in a heartbeat.
I'm in CBT, long-term talk therapy, have several chronic medical conditions that worsened as time lingered in this "no-mans" land, to the point I am permanently disabled for disability assessment purposes. I have had to find my self again, PTSD, anxiety, depression, social phobia, generalized anxiety disorder, panic attacks, and learn how to make the physical sensations such as extreme startle response go back into normal range.
As you've said, shock and betrayal of our values and beliefs is the most devastating issue when dealing with an injustice. You nailed the point of no return I finally reached after suffering with shingles due to the stress I was holding within me trying to stay strong visibly.
The stress is easier to work with now, however, each and every morning, I have to remind myself that I make the choices and move forward. The memories are not all pleasant, however, they are just memories, and not in the moment now.
I have friends in the legal system, the medical system, and other agencies who help keep the system more positive the best they can. I continue to hope that truth, honor, justice, are possible.
I find the emotional aspect of dealing with an injustice fascinating, and I related to your comments.
Of course time heals everything---or at least alleviates the pain somewhat---but these injustices always leave a scar. Sometimes that scar results in people being "mad as hell" and getting involved but sometimes it causes people to just withdraw from society.
You said, "The stress is easier to work with now, however, each and every morning, I have to remind myself that I make the choices and move forward. The memories are not all pleasant, however, they are just memories, and not in the moment now." I find that statement most compelling.
At times I look back and don't know now I even made it through this mess to come out in any kind of shape to deal with the world. I think back and am almost able to separate myself from the guy in prison, almost like it was another person and not myself. I look back and think, "I know that guy, but it is hard to believe it was me."
Of course, the fact is, is that I am NOT that same guy. I have grown and changed-----I hope for the better.
But I think we will all agree that we learned a lot about ourselves during our period of dealing with these injustices----and we learn more every day.
rewdiazepam
He was sentenced to a 10 year/life sentence.... He turned to drugs and alcohol in a big way which I'm sure played into the paranoia... We didn't last through it and for that I felt very badly however I couldn't handle a lot of his behaviour
I saw him a few weeks before he died and he was in terrible shape... Could barely walk he was so drunk... He couldn't cope with life on life's terms
When we used to sit in the penn visiting room life outside of prison was a perfect fantasy that I would get swept away with as well... In reality of course life is hard... Life is full of hard knocks that he could no longer handle... The glass became far less then half empty for him all of the time and the rest was filled with substances that would have only added to the depression
He was kicked in a bike accident... I believe it was probably suicide although it was deemed an accident... The last time I saw him he told me life was really bad... really bad.... he was beaten and it still hurts my heart
I was challenged frequently by family members why are you doing this or that... I took the side of a patient in a forensic mental health facility and even my family didn't support me nor did they with Larry... I couldn't understand why people couldn't see what was the right thing to do
It was the same with injustice... I found a lot of people want to block your way and not even hear about it
It's important to find like minded people I think for support... It's wonderful what you're doing rew
I did have the same issues, sun, with family, friends telling me to just walk away. Little did they know that walking away was not an option, it is a part of me. Rew, you're right, we change as we move forward. Not noticing the little bits, until they fit into a new puzzle.
Sun, a concrete prison is visible. The prison that the mind has is invisible, and for some people who have successfully managed the culture shock of "undetermined choices" life after the tightly controlled single method of serving within a concrete prison, they often reach out to help others in an open, positive direction ... how they do it, like rew says, you don't think about it, you just do it, and you find yourself with less anger directed in overwhelming thoughts, more aimed toward a structured change, one word, one step, one moment.
You did the best you could with the information you had at the time. I lost a close friend due to her boyfriend being intoxicated, riding without a helmet, running at a high rate of speed through a red light, and being hit with two different trucks. He is serving time for manslaughter, having lost a leg, and his daughter blames everyone else for him being in prison. Nothing will ever bring her back, and nothing will change the fact that his choice affected seven families because he chose to run a red light at a busy multi-lane highway intersection with traffic.
Cherish the moments when he spoke out, even when he said it was bad, he was talking about it, and as hard as it is for me to find something pleasant in those words, I know he was telling you the truth, and that is a gift from his heart. Dreams are made in one circumstance, changed in other circumstances, and you shared it with him the best you could.
Once I was out of prison, I began to do some work in the advocacy field. Not much at first, as I have really become deeply immersed in it the past several years.
I had a decent life before my conviction, so this incident change me as a person. After my release, my lady friend questioned why I would even help inmates, families of inmates, and those suffering from injustices.
I remember one conversation we had in which she asked, "Why do you help those people?" The "THOSE PEOPLE" reference irritated me and I told her, "I used to be one of THOSE PEOPLE. They are part of who I am. This advocacy and support is part of me. I cannot believe you would even ask such a question."
She looked at me like I was speaking Russian or something. People not in the fight just don't "get it."
She and I talk about the injustice and the unfairness of the criminal justice system, but she will never understand, even though she is an intelligent lady.
My son is so uncomfortable with prison and criminal justice issues that he never mentions it and will not usually talk about it.
I suppose you can never truly understand an injustice until you suffer one.
rewdiazepam
I am not a big guy or intimidating, but I am wiry and have some spunk. She really jumped back when I answered her. ha ha Funny because it was so out of character for me.
She later said, "I have never seen you so animated or wound up."
rewdiazepam
mideye I just pray he's with God now and knows some peace... He was broken... It was a wrongful conviction and I believe he suffered from ptsd however wouldn't seek the right kind of help
You both fight a difficult battle and kudos to you for having the courage to stand up!!... Bless you....x
Sometimes, all it takes for courage to win over fear, is that doing something matters, it is a choice. Thank you again for this wonderful group. It's nice to be able to express a view and share the reflections of each other's view in a conversation.