Wrongful Conviction/ Injustice Community Group
For people and families who have tasted or advocate against the horrors of injustice
http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2014/09/02/statutory-rape-victim-child-support/14953965/
This is something that both frightens me and makes me angry. In the US it is possible for male rape victims to be forced to pay child support to their rapist if the rapist is a woman and she became pregnant as a result of the rape.
It's terrifying to me that a woman can rape a man, keep the resulting baby and then sue or have the state force her victim to pay 18 years of child support (plus interest!).
How is that acceptable!?
This issue honestly frightens me enough to have seriously considered getting a vasectomy for my own protection. (The state I live in has the highest rates of rape in the entire US.)
This is something that both frightens me and makes me angry. In the US it is possible for male rape victims to be forced to pay child support to their rapist if the rapist is a woman and she became pregnant as a result of the rape.
It's terrifying to me that a woman can rape a man, keep the resulting baby and then sue or have the state force her victim to pay 18 years of child support (plus interest!).
How is that acceptable!?
This issue honestly frightens me enough to have seriously considered getting a vasectomy for my own protection. (The state I live in has the highest rates of rape in the entire US.)
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Here is my new brother, copper :) He's so tiny! Moo and Tuck were ok with him on first meeting. Rocket due to his severe aggression will never meet Cooper.
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The sex act itself is the base of the future child support enforcement activity. The laws that the people could use to gain freedom are often not brought up in general conversation as everyone is trying to move forward from the difficult situation.
Eighteen years of child support...for a rape, is just awful. It's beyond basic to have this scenario happening.
Oh, and the friend who had the vasectomy says it was worth its weight in gold once he got past the situation and found a path to healing.
Best wishes.
And no, it's not okay to ask him to pay for child support. This is the State's doing, not her's. It's part of the process in getting food stamps or welfare (Interesting side note, many states are trying to make sex offender status a reason to deny food stamps and/or welfare...).
There are often funds for victim advocacy (often funded by fines paid by those convicted). I don't know if he'd qualify for those to pay for the child support. It would be worth checking out. Is that shuffling money around the system...yes. But the system is seriously tangled up
The child is six. I imagine that the mother could still be prosecuted. He could potentially end up with custody. Which doesn't sound awful, except maybe to the child who has only known her mother as a parent.
I think that in the state's view, if you didn't care enough to prosecute or even report the crime, then you're responsible. And the fact that you may not understand all of the consequences of choices is one reason to extend the statute of limitations to 18.
***I pushed my ex to get a vasectomy after our second child was born. He came home from the procedure with instructions not to lift anything. I showed him my 6 inch c-sect scar and handed him the groceries. When he told the urologist, the urologist just commented that the recommendations were extremely conservative... After the divorce, he thanked me.***
As for women raped. Many states allow him to still get child visitation, and to have a say in how the child is raised. So if you want your child to get an elective operation...she may still have to get written agreement from the father...sometimes even if he's in jail. And yes, if she loses custody, it's also possible for the rapist father to get it...and for her to be paying child support. (Overwhelmingly, mom has to be a bad screw up, addicted to drugs, or not watching the kids AT ALL...but it's happened.)
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/04/10/the-daily-show-parental-rights-rapists_n_7041588.html
However, I learned that part of the issue with male rapists being able to sue for parental rights is due to the victim either not pressing charges against them for the rape or the rapist otherwise not being convicted of raping the victim. In these cases the courts end up being forced to treat the situation as a normal custody dispute since there aren't any official records of the rapist having been convicted of raping the victim.
Thankfully it seems that at least some states may already block rapists from suing for parental rights if they were accused and convicted of the crime.
Sadly, in cases where the victim is male and the rapist is female it doesn't matter if the rapist was accused and convicted of the crime or not. The victim is still forced to pay them child support for a child they were forced to sire against their will. (Even though the money is meant to go to the child it still goes to the rapist who is raising the child, so the victims really are essentially being forced to pay their rapist.) This even occurs when the victim is still just a child.
Apparently women who rape boys/men, get pregnant and then receive child support payments from their victim aren't even required to spend the money on raising the child!
The financial situation of the victim is also considered irrelevant and if the victim is unable to make the child support payments they face criminal charges and jail time. Even if the victim is unemployed and has no income they are still required to pay child support or face jail time.
This is absolutely infuriating.
I'm sorry, this is a really, really sore point with me. Do you have a clue as to how expensive children are? A place to sleep, food, clothes, books, fees for activities, replacing bicycles when they get stolen, a computer for school, internet access, electricity (and kids being kids...leave the lights on, and doors open, it's not unusual for electricity bills to double), water (same with water bills, kids spill stuff and make more dishes than a typical adult, leave water on, don't think about things freezing....). AND I've got GOOD kids. But they still do this stuff. They trip three days in a row, and put holes in three new pairs of pants. School decides to have a holiday show, and they HAVE to have a white turtleneck shirt to be in it...you've only got an hour or so to find one, and the only one you can find is $20 (for a shirt that she only wore ONCE...then grew out of)...but hey, I could have made her sit out... Field trips... Required medical and dental checkups.
Babysitter doesn't show up...and you've missed work...AGAIN. Got a headache and you're throwing up? That's easy, empty your stomach, throw on makeup, and go to work... Think you can rest when you've just gotten home? Nope. Kids need to eat dinner, and homework needs done. If you don't do laundry, the kids will be wearing dirty clothes to school. One of the kids threw most of the roll of toilet paper into the toilet, and it's backed up. All of this isn't daily...but it IS weekly. My daughter was 6, didn't want to wake me, so she cut her ponytail off... Sigh. Actually didn't look horrible, but that did mean that she had to get to the hairdresser before school started the next week (I can manage to trim hair, but I'm pathetic at cutting it).
Child support is the best deal going!
Asking a parent to itemize and account for the money is abusive.
My kids are a 24/7, 365 job. When they were preschoolers...it was constant supervision. Now that they're teens, it's a whole different level of issues.
Parents work sick, because sick days are for when you have to take off because your kids are sick. OR if your child ends up in the principal's office. I had a coworker who's kids thought it would be a funny April Fools Day joke to call her work and tell her that one of them went missing. She lost her job over it.
When you're at Walmart, better buy extra poster board, paints, and supplies. Kids have a tendency to give you two hours warning before projects are due. Wreck the first board, and you'll be thankful that you got a backup. And this other teacher wants the paper colored with colored pencils ONLY. What? Okay, whatever, you thought ahead and bought extra of those too. Same with glue sticks, but you can't buy them too far ahead, or they'll all dry out. Then your kids want gifts to take into teachers who make twice as much money as you. And you do it...because you don't want your kid to feel left out.
Secret Santa gift for your kids to share...best to get something that could be given to a boy or girl...you don't know which one they'll be assigned (art supplies are good) ...then gifts for your kids yourself. You're Santa Clause, and mom. And you've got to come up with a holiday meal, and the time to make cookies, and decorate the house. Kids want a Christmas tree. Grandma is fussing over her present...she wants it perfect...you just want to sleep.
And yes, kids need food, and housing...even if dad isn't working.
(My kids flew to be with their dad the last summer...my bills dropped by about 75%! I actually only had to go to the grocery store twice!)
Yes, this is venting. The guy's continued to pay his own rent....so send the child support even if you have to put it on a credit card, or save for a rainy day...like I do...because life happens.
***As for rape victims paying for child support...that's a separate issue.***
This would NOT include things like: buying beer; the parent treating themselves to a night out without the kid(s); going to bars or night clubs; buying new cars that will not be used to transport the kids; the parent buying things for themselves and not the kids.
That seems reasonable in my opinion.
Try looking at from this perspective: imagine if you were the parent forced to pay child support and your income was low (but still just enough to cover the payments after your own living expenses) and the kids spent more time living with their father as the primary caregiver. However, you're always seeing the father with fancy new things for himself and usually not for the kids (despite the father having only an average job with a medium income).
Wouldn't you want to see proof that the money you are working so hard and sacrificing so much to pay child support with is actually being spent on the kids you love so that you can do something about the situation if they are being neglected or just being used for the child support money?
If someone is threatening another person with jail time and/or ruining their life if they cannot afford to pay child support then I feel they have a right to know that the money being taken from them is actually being spent on the kids. Especially if they have reason to believe the caregiving parent is spending it on things they shouldn't (like booze/drugs or clothes and jewelry for his/herself).
It doesn't even need to be a thing where the father can demand proof at any time. Maybe just once a year. Plus, it's not like it's hard to save receipts and copies of bills showing how much you are spending on the kids.
I have some very disreputable relatives who thankfully live many states away. They are a perfect example of why the parent paying child support should be able to see proof of how the money is being spent. These relatives are the type of people who drink and do drugs instead of care for their kids, but are somehow allowed to get away with it because the state doesn't want to deal with it. If they were forced to account for (and prove) how they are spending the child support money they get then it would likely be enough to get the state to step in and protect the kids.
I know it's not cheap to raise kids. After all, I grew up in a state where everything is much more expensive.
However, I also know it's not hard to keep track of one's expenses for everyday life. Especially when nearly all the information is already written down for you on receipts and bills.
As long as the caregiving parent only has to disclose this information to the other parent once a year (maybe twice at most if the situation warrants it) I don't see this requirement as being abusive. I see it as being responsible and fair to the other parent.
The child support money list is one of those ideas that sounds good, looks good, and is fair when used properly. I've seen forms filled out to the penny, with receipts...and then forms filled out with rounded numbers, few receipts, and then the form with child support amount shown, with check marks next to each section.
SW, there are always characters who booze, gamble, drug use, who seem to get by with child support enforcement lack of oversight. Often, it comes to a head when law enforcement personnel are involved for one reason or another and the right set of circumstances to be in play at time of observation.
There are no general rules that can be set up as "one size fits all" policy for this.
Heck my ex would have to give up his job. You can't be a single parent and travel for work. That's more than the child support right there...
That's the thing. The biggest expenses don't come with receipts.
This would be very sad indeed.... The Community Health organization that I worked with for many years was very involved with refugees from the Bosnia/Serbia war that were impregnated due to rape during war... So tragic...
Hopefully if a child is born of rape the parents will either give the child up for adoption if they don't feel they could parent well or with some help realize that this is another victim of the rape who deserves the best shot at a good life as possible and the parent will want to help with that....There is good therapy for PTSD
No, I'd jump at the chance to have someone raising my kids for $850/ month.
In many areas that doesn't even cover childcare for a week.
At a dollar an hour, $732 covers a month (going with a 30.5 day average month). At double that...that would be $1464...say for two kids. For someone else to be doing all of the laundry, making meals, driving, homework...all of the things a custodial parent does?
As for expenses. My ex gets to buy beer (well he finally quit drinking). He has a truck and a car, four quads, etc, etc. He doesn't have to account for every penny he spends. A parent doing all of those things, doesn't mean that the kids still don't cost quite a bit more than child support covers.
A dollar an hour. Nothing in the world is less expensive than that. Best deal there is.
I can't tell you how many non-custodial parents that I've known that have complained. Then they got the kids, and had to deal with trying to get child support, and trying to make ends meet.
The same thing with stay at home parents. When my kids were preschoolers, one of the parents in the "mom's" group I was in, was a father. He said even his wife tended to forget just how much work the kids were and how trying it is to never get a break. To a large extent, I think it's natural to just not "get it".
My ex is back to dating again. And some of his dates have had chronic issues with their kids. The past year, my ex has thanked me repeatedly for just how well adjusted our kids are.
Think child support payments are expensive? Try payments to a lawyer. Bail. Court fees.
Heck, if your child is taken into foster care, the parents are charged child support...from the state. Trust me, the state is more expensive. They'll give a receipt, but it's not going to be itemized with grocery store receipts and such.
Are you suggesting that the child does not have a Single set of clothes? No food? A mattress on the floor? Medical care. Dental Care.That's all that's Required.
Straight out of the Pennsylvania Code:
" Serious physical neglect—A physical condition caused by the act or failure to act of a perpetrator which endangers the child’s life or development or impairs the child’s functioning and is the result of one of the following:
(i) Prolonged or repeated lack of supervision.
(ii) Failure to provide essentials of life, including adequate medical and dental care. "
"Child abuse—
(i) The term child abuse means any of the following:
(A) Any recent act or failure to act by a perpetrator which causes nonaccidental serious physical injury to a child.
(B) An act or failure to act by a perpetrator which causes nonaccidental serious mental injury to or sexual abuse or exploitation of a child.
(C) A recent act, failure to act or series of the acts or failures to act by a perpetrator which creates an imminent risk of serious physical injury to or sexual abuse or exploitation of a child.
(D) Serious physical neglect by a perpetrator constituting prolonged or repeated lack of supervision or the failure to provide the essentials of life, including adequate medical care, which endangers a child’s life or development or impairs the child’s functioning."
She can spend thousands on her own clothes and 10 bucks on the kids clothes and it's NOT neglect...
Put another way. When my children were in grade school and acting up, I informed them, that if they pushed it too far, that they would each earn matching pink sweatsuits, and lose access to the rest of their clothing (with the exception of another set of clothes for school). And I meant it. Doing so is not Neglect. (My daughter HATED pink. My son wouldn't have cared nearly enough.)
In any case, my point got made, and the kids acted much better. (My ex actually thought it was a good idea.)
Likewise, I've taken many of their belongings away, and threatened (promised) to strip their rooms down to a mattress on the floor.
For that matter, the kids slept on air mattresses at their dad's girlfriends house for 3 years. This did not kill or abuse them. They're more rounded citizens for knowing that many people live that way.
Lastly, the most important part of raising a child isn't "things" it's attachment. I grew up in a very mixed income school district. My personal group of friends included a girl who's dad was vice president of a department store (like Macy's) and lived in a mansion, and a girl who's dad was a retired steel worker and they lived in 3 rooms. It was the flat with three rooms where we all gathered, talked around the small kitchen table, watched the small 13 inch television, and ate the Best Italian food I've ever eaten. I would have switched places with my friend in a heartbeat. Her parents had the happiest marriage I've ever seen.
In short, if the kids are being neglected...call social services or the police.
http://www.pacode.com/secure/data/055/chapter3490/s3490.4.html