So it's been nearly 5 months since i lost my internet friend to suicide. I know people have lost family members which may be worse and i'm here to talk if you have but me and her where super close. I still haven't got over it. Whenever i had a  problem she would be there for me and i wasnt there for her. I would text her and she would say she is fine and i didn't do anything else adn i can never forgive myself to that. Consequently, my self esteem has gone down a lot. I already struggled with body image issues and they way i look aan it made it worse becuase i had the guilt on my conscience. Furthermore, i started to self harm and the self esteem got lower and lower and now i just feel hopeless and suicidal aswell. I want to get better but i just feel so worthless and hopeless and i don't know what to do.Can someone please help me.