My son has been gone for almost 10 days. I have such a hole in my chest. I see people around me having babies & all i can think of is how my arms yearn to feel his weight. I want to here his cry, feel his skin, touch his nose. He was my reason for living & now its gone. Finding a new reason is turning out to be harder everyday. The pain is the horrible

I feel the exact same way. I still have not been able to go into a big store yet because I know I will break down and cry. I took my daughter trick or treating, and we passed a little bumble bee. It took all my strength to continue walking down the street and not disolve into a puddle right there. I also feel like if I don't always feel like this I will be forgetting about him, and I don't ever want to feel like that. I want to keep my baby boy with me always. I don't want to feel the hurt, but I don't want to feel better.

This was also a struggle for me. God finally showed me, "How would Collin feel if because of him my life was ruined, I was never able to move on, never able to fufill all the God has planned for me. I know I wouldnt want him to know that, if he could know that. Also, I dont want to connect to my son through grief, such a horrible feeling. Collin never made me feel horrible. Collin, and your babies too want you to be happy. You have to fight those feelings with everything you have. Trust me you are not betraying them by not crying all the time. the enemy would tell me "If you really loved your son you wouldnt move on or be happy, if you really loved you would never be happy again." also "How can you be happy your son is dead, you are betraying him." All lies, please believe me. Collin has been gone 15 weeks, I know Collin wants me to live again. What do you think your babies would tell you if they could say something. Would it be "Never be happy again, If you really loved me you would never move on" Im not saying get over, there will not be a day that passes that I will not be apparent that my son is gone. But you will never forget them, being happy is not forgetting them. Being happy is memorlizing them. I smile because I love Collin, I cry because I miss him. God can help you with these things. Everytime you feel like this say any scpture you know by heart out loud and i gurantee those thoughts will leave. Keep syaing God's word when you feel like this. I know it works because I have tried it. God is the only one who can get you through this. Someday you will be able to wittness and have a testimony about all that God has done for you. And in turn you will get a chance to reach out and spread the hope that is with Jesus. Praying for you guys, please message me anytime with specific prayers. I will pray for yall with ALL my heart! Love yall, stay strong, yall are doing the right thing by reaching out for help!

Every day is a struggle for my husband and I. It feels like life will never be good again and life with Maxie was SO good. I replay all of it over and over in my mind all day long. Some days I do ok. I can sort of get myself through the day. Other days, I stay in bed all day long (like today and all of this past weekend). It is hard. I just try to get through each minute in any way I can - reading, watching something interesting or really mindless on television, writing on my blog, looking for support on this website. Whatever I can do to get through each minute. I know that 20 years from now, I will feel better. I just have to get there. Of course, like many SIDS mommas, I am waiting for a rainbow baby but scared to death about it as well. I am also really looking forward to the end of this earthly life and a reunion with my baby. It's been four and a half months. The rawness of the first two months has passed but the sadness has become worse. I'd rather have this sadness than that rawness any day though. That was unbearable.

I like what Amy said about our children would want us happy again.
I also think of it this way: we don't betray our children simply because we are alive and they aren't. Instead because we are alive, there is someone who remembers them, remembers they matter, who still loves them.
Moving on doesn't make us forget them, love them any less. I've had two children since Isaiah's death. Our youngest is 9 months and is a boy. In some ways I feel my moving forward in my life has made me feel closer to Isaiah because I can now remember more than just his death, I can remember his life. And, loving him has helped me in a way I can't explain to love his siblings more.
Moving forward doesn't mean you forget your baby, doesn't mean you don't miss him. It just means you are going to live your life in a way that brings honor to his memory. I hope you understand what I am trying to say.

The first year is the hardest. It will be four years in Jan that we loss James. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him or miss him. I think Christmas is the hardest holiday to cope with. It's so family oriented and we're missing an important part of our family. Sending you a bunch of hugs!

It has been a little over a year since Cylis received his wings. I know exactly how you feel. The heartaches, sleepiness nights, and most of all the regrets that you run over and over in your mind every second of every day. I joined this message board about 3 months after he passed and everyone told me, you don't forget but it does get easier. I didn't believe em' honestly. I said, "how can this pain ever go away?". It don't, it just gets bearable, then you will embrace his memory than mourn. I didn't hold a baby for quite some time not until about 3 months ago when my little sister had a baby. I was in fear that i would feel the lifelessness that i felt in my son. It didn't help right away but it did help, The Diaper ads didn't make me cry no more. Seeing little boys clothes at the store didn't make me feel like getting sick. It does get easier I promise, although it has been a year for me and it took this long for me to be able to say this to someone else in this situation. Lots of Hugs to you right now. Keep fellowship you need it more than ever, at this time in you and your husbands life.

Yes Yes i know exactly what your talking about....tearz..