The day of 9/25/18 was like any other until 8pm when it instantly turned into any parents worst nightmare. I fed my beautiful Lillian who we all called Lil then myself, 2yr old and 11yr old were sitting on couch playing with the baby and enjoying all of her smiles and coos. She started to get fussy so I swaddled her like every other night and put her in the rock and play sleeper in our room while I got my other 2 ready for bed. She cried for a min or 2 like she usually did before going to sleep. 5 to 10 min later I went in to check on her and was shocked to find her completely on her belly with her face down. I immediately grabbed her up but she wouldn't wake up so panic set in as I realized she was not breathing. My husband called 911 and we took turns performing CPR. I had to follow ambulance with our other 2 kids and my husband rode with baby but just before pulling out they informed me that Lil was breathing so we were terrified but hopeful during the 40min drive to hospital. They had kids and I wait in a conference room for the doctor but they didn't need to say anything, the anguish on my husband's face said it all. We had lost our perfect baby girl who only an hour prior was smiling as I looked into her gorgeous eyes. I thought that was the worst thing that could ever happen to me but it actually continued to get worse. We gave our statements one at a time to a detective but didn't think much of it. After all, we had done nothing wrong so we didn't see a reason to worry. From there I wanted to see and my angel one last time but they would not allow me to hold or even touch her. That will forever torture me and I couldn't understand why. We later found out that all unexpected deaths of infants are treated as criminal investigation until autopsy report proves otherwise. It was late, the kids were tired, and we so badly wanted to get out of there but we couldn't. No one was telling us anything. We didn't know what we were waiting for but 2 hours later they informed us we needed to go get blood drawn for drug testing which was strange but fine because again, nothing to hide. That's when we found out that child protective services was also involved and who we were waiting on. We 100% complied and cooperated. Allowed them to examine our other 2 kids, recounted every painful detail AGAIN, and gave names of people we had for support. They waited until everything else was done to tell me that my kids could not go home with us that night and that we could not leave until we had someone from DE come get them (at 3am). We were told kids would have to go to foster care if not. Most of our family lives out of state but there was one distant cousin of my husbands who I barely knew and kids didn't know at all who said she could be there in 20min. My parents were heading here early in morning so we decided to let kids go with the cousin until my parents arrived at which point they could bring kids home and my parents could stay with us since we were not to be unsupervised with our kids. That was the plan we discussed with caseworker. It was late and we were in an unimaginable amount of pain and stress so when I was handed the safety plan to sign I made the awful mistake of assuming I was signing off on the plan we had discussed. We could not have been any more wrong. We arrived back home to our house where the memories of that night waited to torture us at 5am. Our baby was gone forever and we could not be together with our other 2 children to grieve. The next few days didnt get any better. We found out that plan was not at all what we thought. My parents could not get our kids, no one could. They were not allowed to be in our home at all until investigation was completed and cps would not return any of our calls. The cousin we trusted with our kids was actually emotionally abusive and neglectful of my 11yr son. They are in a better placement now where we can see them as often as we want but what we need is to all be together in our home. Found out today that the medical examiner report we are waiting on could take 2-3 months. How could they possibly separate a family immediately after such a tragedy. We need to be together. My kids want to be home in their beds where they are comfortable vs crammed into an already overcrowded and ill equipped home. A few days is one thing but weeks or months of them not waking up to mommy and daddy?? This all seems cruel and but I'm told it's protocal. We cannot even mourn the loss of our lil because our family has been ripped apart overnight.