i am fealing same as you tonight and every night cince waylon left us why us why did God allow this Why did nt i wake up i always knew when my kids needed me why not that night i dont have an answer for you no one dose i just know im hurting in the same way and i wish there was a way to lift from all of us i miss him sooo much i feal sooo much guilt for something that was beyond our control please dont give up there has to be something from this although i cant see it now n i know you cant eather how could someone so wonderful be gone there just is no answer

I am so sorry for your loss. My son Austin died 2 1/2 years ago to SIDS. He would be 3 years old on Christmas Day. It is almost unbelievable that its been 2 1/2 years ago. I didn't think I would make it through the first year and I don't think I would have without the support of other parents I have met on this site.
I don't think it is any easier today than it was the day I lost him. I still feel that intense pain whenever I think about holding him in the hospital or when I think about the funeral. Though over time, I have started to enjoy things again. We have since had another baby and she has brought us so much happiness. But the pain of losing Austin will never go away, it has just somehow become more manageable if that makes any sense. Love and prayers to you and your family.

Even if you had woken up, you could not have saved your baby. You couldn't have. How do I know? Because my precious Isaiah was awake when he stopped breathing. I was awake. My husband was sitting right by us awake. And, he just stopped breathing. I did CPR while my husband called 911. We are only a couple of blocks from the paramedics so they were there right away. They got him breathing again. But, it didn't matter. He was declared brain dead about 30 hours later.
It's been 5 years. The first year was awful: going through all those firsts. The second year was hard because so many people thought we should be over it. The third and fourth year weren't as raw. This fifth year has been brutal again. In talking with other grieving moms, they all said the fifth year was just so hard, but the sixth year the pain wasn't as sharp.
Time doesn't heal this because time doesn't bring our babies back. But, like Brandylee said it becomes more manageable. It becomes less sharp. The moments when all you can do is cry become further in between.

TEARZ...i thank yu for taking the time to express your sympathy and i know wat you guys are saying is so rite...my mind tells me that but my heart tells me otherwise...Im so grateful to have found this website to meet you wonderful people..listening to your stories is kinda of comforting to me, just knowing that im not alone...
Its so hard..Wat also eats me up is that i remember the nite before leila left me. leilas dad and i was sitting in the room watching her sleep and i mentioned sumthing about me being tired and that i need to take a break..I think i was tired, and then i looked at her sleeping so peacefully and i told her dad naw its okay, i luv my leila, im jus kidding...then the next morning we woke up and she was gone....tearz..why did i say that???I I duidnt mean it...and like wat missingis said people do and family members including her dad sumtimes gives me that look like, aint i over it yet??? how can i get over this? how can i move on??? tearz.. my leilas gone, forever, i well never see her again...tearz...
My life feels so incomplete, I miss my baby so much...

I am so sorry for the loss of Leila (she is adorable) and how you are feeling. I lost my son Luke when he was 5 months 20 days old. I don't believe there is anything that can be done once SIDS starts, like in missingisiah's case there is just no stopping it. Luke was on is back, asleep in a crib. I still think, what ifbut logically I know there is no way to protect our children 100%, we just do the best we can. We don't know why our babied died, but it is not fair and neither is the guilt we cannot help but feel. It has been 1 year and 1 month today since Luke died. I will always miss him, always have a part of me missing, and always want him here with me. But I am able to feel the joy there is in life in a way I dont think I would ever feel like before I had Luke. I feel like when you have lost a child you have a greater appreciation for life and those you love, though I am sadder than I ever thought possible as well. Big hugs to you!

I'm so sorry to read of your loss & your pain. My angel was born & passed nearly 1yr ago as at (26.01.12)
You are not alone I also blame myself for a lot of things that I did or didn't do too. As my son passed in the hospital I also hold a lot of anger & blame towards them as well. I have felt your pain & you think it will never stop hurting so much, it's like someone has reached into your chest & ripped your heart in 2, I can't promise you won't feel like this at 12mhs because everyone is different & deal with their grief & emotions differently, lucky for me I have a FANTASTIC support group around me of family & friends, I also use the DS Joural to type out all of my feelings, frustrations & thoughts. But I can tell you that those people are right because I had people around me telling me the same thing, even if I didn't believe them at the time & I thought they were lying... they weren't... things WILL get better for you... the pain WILL ease.
I give you a big hug & wish for you a... smile :0 )