Hi Brandy, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. My son Colton passed away in his sleep on January 16th 2009. He was 4 months 5 days old.
I went to a Compassionate Friends meeting in February but it was very small with only 5 other people and their children were much older - reaching from age 16 to adulthood. I felt very much alone. One woman even said that I had it easy because I hadn't known him long. Obviously they didn't "get it."
This site has been good for me. I have heard from people that have the same feelings, thoughts, worries, and sensitivities that I have. Somehow, there is peace in that for me.
I am sorry that you had to join, but I know that the people here will support you and listen to you anytime.

I read the book "When Bad things happen to good people" it isn't really about loss and grief...but it gave me a different perspective. I just used to get so mad when everyone said 'it was God' plan or she is in a better place" I thought my Audrey was in a perfect place with her daddy and me. But, the book is written from a religious perspective with a different tone...and it helped me release some anger. I am going to have to check out the book you recomended as well. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. It is the worse thing that I think we will ever have to go through and it just isn't fair. this site should help you.

You will hear a ton of false comments from people. It is hard to not knock them out sometimes. Go ahead though if you need to. I sent you a hug and told you about my Lily. I am sorry that you had to join this group, but if you have to be somewhere like this then this is the place to be. Everyone around here is super supportive and we are like family.

So sorry that you had to find us. We lost our daughter, Kaydence, to SIDS Sept. 28, 2008. Only after 81 days. The journey of grief is long and hard. DS has helped on my journey and hopefully it'll help you on yours. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here.

hon it's hard, compassionate friends is mostly for older children or should i word it as that's whose usually there. i'm luckily i meet with a sids group which helps me. you are right, someone who hasn't been through it doesn't understand. a guy at my work lost his 17 year old daughter and flat out told me his pain is worse. yeah block out the dumb comments, right now it is not worth it

Hi Brandy,
I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost Nicholas 11/13/07. I did not find much help within grief counseling either. Our most local chapter was also an hour away....out in the country (I'm a city girl). There too, most people were grieivng the loss of an older child. Being there made me feel like the freak of the week. Although these people were grieving their lost children too, things like "I couldn't imagine" and so on wer said to me. As time goes on you will realize that people mean well but are going to say really dumb things.
The sad thing is with SIDS is that support isn't just a problem locally, it is an everywhere problem. Many of us have run into this.

For me the only local support group is at the hospital where my sone died ON THE MATERNITY FLOOR, I never went. Having a support group on that floor just really sounds like some cruel kind of joke to me. I recently found out another hospital has a group, I may go....
You may want to look into hospitals for support groups.

I never did counseling. I pretty much have told the family and friends (who did not bail out of my life since losing Nick) that I am going to talk about him, he is a part of my life, DEAL with it, and they do. My sister and my BFF bring up Nick all the time.

For me, what helps me is trying to be proactive about raising SIDS awareness. I am in the process of getting non-profit status for a SIDS awareness organization I am starting called "Every Time a Bell Rings..." The focus is to raise awareness and to offer support for parents on a local level....but I would never turn anyone away because they aren't local!!!!! The support lacks everywhere.
I also have become active in the March of Dimes and the CJ Foundation for SIDS. There is also a letter writing group called Angels in the Media. It's a yahoo group. I also write letters there to specified targets to promote SIDS Awareness.

I tried reading the books....the books did not cut it for me. Talking to people, coming here to DS was my lifeline in the early days.
I think there comes a point where we find "our thing". To some of us, it's counseling, some of us it's books, many of us, it's this group, to some it's volunteering.......whatever your thing is...you will know when you find it. It's that thing that makes the days a little less sucky....
Please know you aren't alone!!!!