I am five years out from a subarachnoid hemorrhage at age 44 that has left me with panic attacks, depression, migraines, visual or optical illusions (rapid flashing of lights and colors in my eyes 24/7) and emotional swinging between anger and extreme sadness.  I have problems with overstimulation to the point where its very difficult to be out in public longer than about 2 hours.  I find myself isolating myself in my home.  I have been on numerous medications to try to help, the last one was Topomax which made me suicidal.  If anyone out there has any words of wisdom I would love to hear from you.  I am struggling to stay positive but its very hard.  Prior to this, I was a healthy full time nurse, marathon runner, newly married and pretty happy with my life.  I cant work anymore as a nurse, I am trying to fiugure out what I can do for work but the overstimulation issue makes it difficult.  I know everyones journey after their stroke is different and I know Im lucky to be alive and I am grateful to be here but this is very hard. I am also entering menopause now so Im sure that isnt making things any easier.  Does any of this ever get better eventually?  I offered to divorce my husband last night because I feel so horrible that I cant be the person he married 6 months prior my stroke and its not fair to him to have to deal with this.  He refused but I know this has been a game changer for both of us and I feel like we are just getting through our lives together.  He sees a counsellor to help him and I just feel like I am dragging him down.  Ok.  thank you for reading this.