i have never felt as messed up in the head as i have lately. and  have had truly crazy times in my life that surprises even me that i survived as inacted as i am. the only differene is sleep. 

when I was working towards my masters degree I was working 3 jobs. I worked as a teacher in the day, at KFC 2 nights a week andon weekends, and at the university as an assistant teacher 3 nights a week. I was also doing all of my masters course work, and thankfully paying for it out of pocket. During that time in my life, I was tired, but tired was somethng I could manage. I would sleep for 3-4 hours a night, but I could deal with it all in a way that allowed me to survive. 

I am now working 2 jobs. Both are part time. But one is night shift. Night shift. I have never worked night shift before. Nothing has ever messed with me more. I want to sleep all the time. I am so tired that my etyes will involuntarily twitch and even close. If I sit for too long, even to do my paperwork, I end up falling asleep. Nigh shift sucks in a way that I never understood. I get the 3 - 4 hours of sleep a day that I did working 3 jobs in my past, but because it is from 9am - noon, it just isn't the same.

I can't remember what day it is. I can't tell what time of the day it s. I have to constantly set alarms to know to go to things. I can't keep up withhouse work. Now I am considering starting back to school again, but I just can't function now. Ad I hate myself for my lack of functioning for my family. 

Everyone always says that sleep is the best way of dealing with depression. I would laugh that off. My dad would always say he would sleep when he was dead and he NEVER had time to sleep in his old job, but I know see that since he has retired he is not as depressed. He used to be so depressed he had tried to commit suicide and accepted death too many times. He is now happy and involved with people for the first time in his life after 70 and loving it. I now that being able to get regular sleep in helping him. 

I want to be less depressed and I truly feel that being able to sleep at night again is a key factor in that, but I just don't know how. Morgage payments are scarey. My new life is scarey. So many unknows. I can't make the money I once did. I want to die so my life insurance money will help secure my family sometimes. 

There are so many other factors in my life, but I think tha if I could sleep at night I would be able to function again and not be depressed. 

For all of you working night shift - I feel for you.

Please get some sleep. I know it helps. 

:) Susie