Ugh, these are two hard things. I was also 28 weeks "along" and had been pregnant from the beginning of January to the end of July. It was not long enough! I just wanted him to get back in my womb and be okay. I still feel like that sometimes, looking at his pictures. It doesn't feel real, yet the pain is so intense. I feel lucky to have shared what time I did with him, but also so, so mad that I don't have a thriving, crying four month old to take care of today...

I hear you on the telling people! It is hard because everyone else gets to talk about their kids constantly. We have so few stories yet it is so hard to share. I have found my best, best friends to be wonderful in that they ask about him and want to learn about him. Strangers I have yet to conquer...mostly I shake my head no and look down, feeling a little badly. But it's personal.

You are not alone, but your feelings are important. I hope things become easier as time continues to pass.

When we are denyed birth and death certificates its easy to feel like we them up. Sometime I think this could never happen to me or my child so how did it? The only document I have proving my son was real is his creamation certificate. I really wish we were given p
Birth certificates. My daughter got a "certificate of a live birth" when she was born so why did my son get a "certificate of nonliving birth"?

It seems as if after losing my baby everyone asks how many children I have. I tried saying one.. it felt so wrong like I was denying my son. Now I always answer "one here and one in heaven" I don't want to get into details with everyone but I am his mom and I want that to be known.

Oh it's so hard isn't it!
It depends on the mood I'm in on how I'll answer. I hate not acknowledging my baby, and that I'm a mother. So I usually just say 'yes I'm a mother, my baby died at birth'. I haven't had too many instances yet, because I'm not mingling much with strangers. The first time someone asked I sat there gaping llike a fish, unable to find words! I looked ridiculous! When I did say that, yes, but my baby died, the women were really great, and wanted to know my bub's name, and said it was great that I was talking about him. Other times people haven't wanted the full story, but that's fine too. No-ones ever been rude, and all have just said a heartfelt 'sorry for your loss'.
I can't deny my son, and can't deny that I'm a mother.

Yeah. those are awful. I still feel like i'm in a daze, and my Sophia was born Sept. 17th. I think its normal, (hopefully :)). I don't think you should keep him to yourself if you don't want to. I always say i had my baby in September but she passed away. Most of the time people just ask why and i tell them stillbirth, and usually they give me the usual "i'm sorry... etc." and drop it. But its still hard!!

Evelyn was born June 4th, 2009 and there are days I can't believe it happened. Honestly there are moments when I have to convince myself that I held and angel in my arms. On my work desk I have a picture of my children, my four beautiful children :-) I look at their pictures often. Sometimes, as I gaze I Evelyn I think how could she not be here? Did that really happen?

When people ask how many children I have I say four children, three here with me and one in heaven.

Love,
Tammy
evelynrosefoundation.org

You are totally normal. People keep asking me about my baby, not knowing that Annaya who would be 5 months old, is in Heaven. I just tell people the truth. I was 37 weeks along when Annaya died and my heart broke. I have living children and when asked, I tell them that I have I have 3 living and 1 Angel Baby. They have no clue what I am talking about so I use it as a "teachable moment".

Sending baby dust your way!!!
HUGS!!!
N.

I know what you mean... Whenever I wear a shirt that you can see my shoulder and tat, (My sons footprints, Name, and Birthday) SOMEONE asks about it. I got to a point when I stopped wearing tanktops (and I lived in heat-filled Tennessee at the time) because I didn't want to explain to complete strangers that my son had died. Now when people ask, I tell them the truth. I would rather them feel uncomfortable for two minutes than me lie about the fact that I AM A MOMMY! If someone asks now, I say, Oh, thanks, I love it too, I got it for my son who is up in heaven. Or oh, thanks, he's my little guardian angel. People tend to get it and shut the hell up... LOL.

Now the harder one--- your first comment, it feels unreal. I agree to an extent, at least at first it felt that way. You will have the stretch marks to prove you are a mommy (if you are UN-lucky, like me... I also have lost about 60 lbs in the last three years, so that doesn't help the crazy scars either) The hospital he was born at gives a little purple "memory box" with a homemade quilt (blue and Yellow) and a card with the babies footprints on it. So I went in to have my son and came out with a stupid purple box. And any women who were mommies like us saw the box and felt it was their duty to come up to you and hug you. This one lady saw me being wheeled out of the hospital, Death-grip on my box, and said, I have four of those boxes in my house... and gave me a hug. I guess I didn't realize at the time, what she meant, but she invited me to the parents without support group at the hospital there. (After a while the box did help... You may want to look into having one made)
At the first meeting she told me She was pregnant again, and told me the story of the four little angels she had in heaven, One was SIDS and the other three SB at 30w or more. She now has a healthy baby boy, and another on the way.

I guess what I am trying to say is you ARE a mommy. We have the hardest mommy job there is.... Being mommy to a memory. I don't know if my rambles will help or not, but know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE, I am here for you, along with all the other mommies and daddies who are parents to a memory. I know you are a strong and beautiful woman, You will have another child someday, and make your handsome son a big brother. He will be the best big brother... The guardian angel kind.

Now, that I'm crying... :-) ( I usually do that to myself....) I wish that you find some peace in your heart and come to realize that it was real, you are a mommy, and your son has the best mommy and daddy ever.

Meghan