When I went to lunch with my Grandmother the other day she told me that she had read in the paper that morning that another newborn baby had past away. I just dont understand why this keeps happening to people. I know when this happened to me I felt so alone and hated everything and everyone because I felt like noone understood and noone knew the pain I was going thru. The hospital that my son was born at was wonderful to me and my family. They treated me like a person rather than just another patient. I didnt get to walk out he front doors with my son in my arms that Sunday morning like I so badly wanted to. I walked out those front doors with a memory box and he was carried to the morgue. It was a nice box but nothing inside of it made me feel better or took away that alone feeling. It was very sweet of the people who made the boxes for the hospital. Im sure they too are mothers or family members of angels and that is why they took the time to make them for people like us. So I decided that I too wanted to give something to the future mother of angels. On my day off Thursday I plan on shopping and buying things to put in these boxes. I want to add things that might show these mothers and fathers that they are not alone. There are many of us out here that sat in a hospital one day not to long ago holding our angels in our arms and asking the millions questions going thru our head. The biggest question being "why did this happen to me and my baby?. Im looking for idea on what I can put in these boxes to help comfort these parents and show them they are indeed not alone. One thing that I know I want to put in all these boxes is letters from Mothers of angels. I plan on writing a letter and putting it inside for them to read that I went thru the same thing. I would be happy to put any letters that you might want to write to them to go in the box. Everyone is different but in a way we all share the same pain even for a moment. Letters to try to comfort these parents and even if it doesnt make them feel better at least they can see that they are not alone on this. I dont know why but I think if I had a letter from a mother of an angel in my box maybe I would have found a little comfort in it and maybe I wouldnt have but Ill never know. But its something I want to try to try to help. Even if it doesnt work I will know in m heart at least I tryed.








The letter I plan on putting in box

Dear parent of an Angel,

First and for most I want to send you my love. I am so sorry that you are reading this letter right now because I know the people reading this have just became a parent to an Angel. There are no answers or explanations to why you are here and going thru this. Its sad and painful for anyone to lose a child. I know this because I too have lost a baby. I was 27 weeks along and thought nothing could go wrong at this point but I was wrong. Anything is possible. My son Max Robert David Dawson was born sleeping on January 23rd 2011 at 926 am. He was 1 lb 13 oz and 14 inches long. He was perfect and so beautiful. He was the baby I had always dreamed of and always wanted. I still want him more than anything but I cant have him back and the pain will always be in my heart. I know just how you feel right now. Alone, scared, frustrated, confused, pained, saddened, hurt, angry and have a million questions going thru your head on why me? Why my baby? How does a baby go from being fine and alive inside me one day to being forever asleep in my arms the next? I still ask myself everyday those questions and sadly I will never have an answer. None of us will ever have answer to why us. I know that when I lost m Max my world came to a halt. The world around me continued to go just like nothing had happened and I couldnt understand why noone felt my pain and hurt. When I walked out of those hospital doors holding a memory box instead of my new born son I felt lost. I thought I would be lost forever. I went home and cried for days. I looked at all the baby things in my sons room and hated that he would never get to enjoy these things. I would never get to see my little boy grow up and I will never get to experience the joys of motherhood with him. I still thought that noone in this world knew how I felt. For that, I started to feel hate towards people. I hated myself for not saving my son. I hated myself for not doing things different when I had the chance. I blamed myself for my sons death. I felt like I was an outcast and was wearing a scarlet letter on my chest for everyone to see that my baby died. I thought people looked at me different, like I had done something wrong. But I hadnt done anything wrong. My son didnt die because of me or anything I did. There was nothing the doctors could do to save him. It took me a long time to tell myself this. And it will take you a long time to tell yourself that too. You loved your baby and always will and you did NOTHING wrong. A way of looking at things that has helped me in my grieving is to believe that our angels were sent to us for a certain purpose. We may never really understand it all but we need to go on faith that they were special gifts sent to us to open our eyes to a different world for us. Changes that maybe need to be made or hope that we long ago lost before our babies were even a twinkle in our eyes. I dont have all the answers you are looking for right now and I will never have all those answers even though I wish I did. All I know is my son changed my life and has made me into a better person today and he taught me to cherish things in my life that I always took for granted.I just want you to know that you are NOT alone and will never be as long as you have faith. I joined a support group of mothers of angels and it has helped me soooo much. They to have all wear the same shoes that you now wear. The same shoes that I will forever wear. The shoes of a mother that lost a child. Its "dailystrengh.org". The woman on here are amazing and have helped me so much in my grieving process. Like I said they too have lost a baby and know just how I feel. We all know just how you feel. I hope you find us someday. We will be waiting with open arms and open hearts to help you.

You are in my prayers always, with love Cortney Mother to Angel Max



If anyone would like to write a letter to add to the box about your beautiful angels I will add anything you have to say to help comfort these new parents of angels. Also any suggestions on what to put in these boxes to help them thru this and show them they are not alone, that we are here for them..thanx so much to everyone on here for being the truelly wonderful woman that you are and thank you for being there for me when I needed you the most and thank you for holding my son in your hearts next to all the other sleeping angels in heaven.. Love Cort