I can't even imagine that she would say that!! GOD PEOPLE MAKE ME MAD!! No you're not unhealthy because you want to do something in honor of him! He's your son, you lived with him inside your body everyday and you built your life around your hopes and dreams for him, how can you just "get over it"? What kind of a mother can just walk away from burying her child and be ok with it? THATS unhealthy!

And seriously, i know people think the same thing about me sometimes. But Sophia's stuff is all still here because i just can't touch it, i don't think its because we're sick its just one more thing that reminds us of them and its hard to take it down, its like totally erasing them from our lives, because no one else seems to want to remember. I'm sorry that she doesn't want to be there for you, but i definetely am. Screw people that don't understand, they're just selfish. I don't mean to say anything bad about your mom, i justmean selfish people in general suck.

Have your memorial no matter what anyone else thinks. I can't beleive as a mother herself, that she could even think to talk to you that way! Don't worry you are not being unhealthy or wrong to want to honor your son. I, my H and all of his siblings celebrate our Destin's b-day. His sibling even talk about him and say how they wish he would have been with us and what they think he would be like now. I am right behind you on all of what you feel needs to happen. You'll probibly find that most of us are. He is your son even if he's not in your arms. I'm sorry you don't have good support from your family. We are here for you. Honestly, this group has helped me more than anyone else for the simple fact that most people don't seem to understand better than all of us.

WOW! I am soooooo sorry you are having to deal with this on top of dealing with the grief from losing your baby. I agree with the others - there is absolutely NOTHING WRONG with you having a memorial service for your son. I lost Alexis at 24 weeks last July and even though we cremated her my hubby and I just couldn't imagine NOT having a service in memory of her. Honestly at the time hubby and I were convinced no one would come except very few close family members - we even scheduled the service on a Friday morning - knowing that most people probably would not take off from work to attend; and we were ok with that because really the service was not about who was there - it was about Alexis, and our need to honor her and say goodbye. However when we got to the church we were pleasantly surprised to see friends, co-workers, and extended family there. I would continue to plan the service - invite friends and family but ultimately make the service a time for YOU to honor your baby and don't worry about who shows up and who doesn't. As for the letting go and moving on comment from your mom I can only chalk that up to the fact that she does not understand what it is like to lose a baby. People ASSUME that a stillbirth or a miscarriage is something you just "get over". They do not realize how attached we are to our babies, how we already feel connected to them and how much we love them even though they have not lived a day outside our wombs. This is a hard concept for some people to understand - how could they? I probably would never have understood it myself had it not happened to me. Just focus on you - and do what you need to do to grieve the loss of your child...there is no right or wrong way to grieve...and I think as long as you are not exhibiting self-destructive behaviors (taking drugs, drinking heavily, etc.) then no one has a right to tell you that your grief is "unhealthy". Hugs to you - we are all here for you and have been there (or are still there) in dealing with insensitive comments from well meaning family and friends.

Thank you all for being there for me thru this. I am happy that I have people to talk to that truely do undertand how I feel. and Missoctober..no I not talking drugs or drinking to get thru this and I see your point that if I were they would be worried but Im not. I wont even take sleeping pills the doc tried to give me or depression meds because I am scared of getting addicted to things and have always been that way. I told myself I would make it thru without the drugs. I guess this group is like a "drug" for me..Im addicted but everyone here has made things easier for me and have helped me when I needed it the most. Im not saying needing to take something is bad because everyone needs what they need to help them, I just know me and whats not good for this one person. Thanx again to everyone for being my support.

It is sometimes unbelievable to think that the people closest to us would be the farthest from understanding. We most likely will never get "over it" and nor should we have to.
I am sorry that you are finding such insensitivity from your loved ones. I have been in the same boat myself this week and it hurts worse when it is family.