I know what you mean. I want my Ava and Phoenix so badly today. Someone recently rudely suggested that I take my pregnant sister to an upcoming baby fair event. I said absolutely not and and started crying. At my counseling appointment yesterday, I said I had a late term miscarriage, got scared of how the counselor would respond, and ran out the car into the pouring rain. I couldn't handle it. My boyfriend said he was sorry it affected me that way and gave me these grief sites and post traumatic stress sites they want me to look at. I've looked at so many though, and they don't help me. People say the wrong things when you loose a baby. People who don't know about all my losses see a childless person and ask things like why I don't have kids yet and stuff. It infuriates me because it's for one something you shouldn't be gettting into and nosy and rude to ask "when are you ever going to have kids", or to people who do know why, "maybe you just shouldn't have kids" type responses. It's cruel and insensitive. Why can't they just say I'm sorry for your loss and move on? I had severe hyperemesis when pregnant, and I didn't stop throwing up violently for about ten days after I lost them. I then gained a lot of weight when I was finally able to eat again even though I was eating healthy. I feel like I had nothing to show for all this. I then went out and bought new clothes and lost some weight, and I don't fit into my pre-pregnancy clothes when they were big on me. Now they are tight and the new clothes are falling off me. I have to buy more clothes now, and that means seeing more pregnant women. It's too hard on me because it brings on flashbacks, and I have to run out the stores sometimes. Things are hard for me right now too. I just really want my babies now too.

I honestly wish you I had some power to make this go away for you. Glad your boyfriend is there for you, mines left when I was only 3 months and when he found out she passed away he didn't even show. I know I hate those questions too, but will take this one slow day at a time until I find a new normal. My counselor is great and have been very supportive towards me. I am glad I have you all to speak with

Nothing compares to the loss of a child, in terms of pain.

When my baby was 7 months old, I THOUGHT I had lost him. I had actually had a mental breakdown and the delusion that he was dying there in his crib was as powerful and agonizing as if his death were true and an accomplished fact.

It's true that I got him back, but the trauma remained with me.

My heart is with you.

You will always have you days. The first 3-4 months are the most difficult ones. For me its being 9.5 months since I lost my son. Last night I cried my self to sleep. There will be better days, but unfortunately you will have those triggers that take you back to darkness.... Yesterday my husband and I went to a store... And I saw the cutest outfit for a baby boy for Easter. I don't know how but I was able yo hold myself at the store. I felt a tight knot on my throat.... When I was laying down I broke down. It's OK to cry let you emotions out.... And never and you won't ever stop thinking and loving ur precious angel.
Hugs your way

I know the feeling with the outfits. I'd rather wear the same clothes every day even though they are tight on me than go out to buy new clothes right now because I would keep wondering how cute my son and daughter would look in the outfits for babies. I also can't handle cribs, maternity stuff, etc. it's all too much for me to see all that right now.