What hurts the most is that it stings so much when people say "we're in the safe zone" or things like that right in front of us and we can't correct them (well, we can...). I would expect close friends to be more sensitive that that...at least apologize after they realize what they said. People who haven't been there just don't get it. All at once I wish they did understand AND I don't want them to ever have to understand.

It kills me when people say "we're having a baby in June" or "so-and-so is getting a brother in April" because I just want to say "are you sure?" but of course I can't, and most likely they will. It is so hard to accept that what happened to us probably just won't happen to other people. We will always have worries that other women won't. I can't take it when they worry about stretchmarks or something so insignificant...

Anyway, the only advice I have is to be honest with yourself about how much you can take. Some of my friends who are pregnant I am totally fine with and some really rub me the wrong way and I can't be around them. I can't tell why there is a difference, but I have to really think about the time I spend around them and if it is worth the discomfort it might cause. Of course you can't control people blurting out to you that they are expecting...but you can be honest with how it makes you feel. I find it the most helpful to express my feelings to my husband and some close friends so a) I get it out into the open, b) I have some back-up, and c) I have someone who can be a buffer for me or, if I need them to, explain to whatever pregnant person why I am not coming to their house for dinner, etc.

As for TTC again, it can be a long, rough road. All you can really do is keep your eyes on the prize. It is not easy, but if you have support and understanding and a place to vent your frustrations and fears then you can live it. Good luck and hugs.

I'm sorry hun - I don't really have any advice but didn't want to read and run. Hubby and I lost our baby - our first child - last July. We are not ready (or really I should say I am not ready) to TTC yet but I definitely understand that feeling of hurt when you find out that others are expecting. My brother and SIL are currently expecting - their baby is due in April. It was sooooooo hard for me when I first found out they were pregnant (I lost Alexis in July and found out they were preggers in August by the way). Even now - 7 months later I am STILL having a bit of a hard time dealing with certain things - like seeing the baby registry or hearing about her going on maternity leave. It turns my stomach every time I hear them make references to the baby in the future tense...as if they are just CERTAIN that he/she will make it. It is hard for me not to think that maybe their baby just won't make it...I mean I am so jaded now. I think having gone through this experience we all are - and that is one of the unfortunate results of losing a baby. You never feel like you are "safe" again - you are so much more aware of all that CAN go wrong....even if the odds are low that it will. Unfortunately horrible things happen to really good people - this experience has taught me that. I don't know WHY ANY of us are in this predicament...I am sure we ALL would be good mothers and we all loved our babies tremendously....there really is no rhyme or reason to why this happened to us....I think you just have to really try and focus on YOU. Try to do what you need to do for your own sanity and peace of mind. If that means distancing yourselves a bit from some of your friends who are expecting then do so....if you need to spend a lot of time talking about your loss then do that too. Sometimes you just have to give yourself permission to do what you need to to help you make it through this terrible time.

I used to talk like that, I believed that once you were out of the first tri it was definate that baby would be ok, that's why people wait til then to tell folk... Now of course I feel different, I can't believe it's ok until the baby comes, and even then noone is promised that their loved ones won't die... It's a stark reality of life that was absolutely known by everyone 100 years ago, but modern medicine has made people think we can cheat death whatever we do, or whatever we face... but death is the inevitable fate of us all.

I too feel like telling people not to be so sure, I feel like sharing the stats with them. I know I didn't even read the complications in pregnancy part of my pregnancy book, I just skipped over it and thought that doesn't apply to me, I'm healthy.. that's only for unhealthy people. But it wasn't true, and I know others do that too. That's the campaign many stillbirth charities are running... awareness and improved monitoring. I was not monitoring my angel's kicking as I should have been, well I had anterior placenta so I never really felt many kicks, but I just had this absolute faith that she would arrive when she was ready and when the time was right, but she didn't.

My plan is to educate through my rainbow pregnancy, I can tell people that it's not 100% through my pregnancy, not that I'm negative, but that it's the truth... I'm quite positive actually but very cautious, the thing is that my angel died of unknown causes, and I have to reitterate that with it too, that noone expected her to die, just as noone expects any baby to die... then people around me can relate it to themselves as they want to, but I won't lie to them. I can't direct these statements to others, but I can direct them to myself...

Actually I'm 18 weeks now, and tbh noone asks me about baby too much, so maybe it'll go on that way, and I won't be able to say these things, but certainly I believe it is our responsability to educate others and if we can prevent one death, by that education, it is worth it. I wish that in my prenatal the MW had asked me more detailed information about the baby kicking and about her routine, it would have probably highlighted that I should have had more monitoring of that with NSTs...

anyway... my advice is to share relating to yourself, not directing any concerns towards your pregnant friends.... sending hugs, it is horrible and it is soooo difficult! Grrr, why?!!

I completely understand where you're coming from, it hurts to k ow that other people's lives can be so perfects so untouched by any thoughts that could go wrong. I just had my second stillbirth the 22nd of February and it hurts just as much,if not more than the first. I'm so sorry for your loss and as life keeps going friends and family members lives move as well. As we all know their families will grow as well, I think you're feelings are completely normal as I feel the sane way. But I do also believe it's part of the grieving process that we never really are done going through, all of the "what ifs" all of the "that could've been me" . Comfort will find you along with time, however completely healing, I don't think will ever find us mothers who have angels in heaven until we're with them. I hope this helps lots of love and comforting hugs to you and your family.