Hello,
My wife and I lost our daughter 4 weeks ago. She was stillborn. Trying to get by, we've read many posts online and thought that maybe it would help at least a little to share our story with others who have gone through this tragedy and hear what you have to say. I apologize if it's long but I feel compelled to get our story out to people who might at least understand what we are going through.

My wife and I have been trying to have a family for over 2 years and were overjoyed when we heard the news that we were finally successful and our baby girl was on the way.

At the recommendation of the specialist we had been working with, we chose an OB/GYN in our area who had good reviews and a good reputation.

We had serious misgivings about the practice despite their reputation though:
-Our first appointment was with a PA at 13 weeks and they insisted the doctors were on vacation and we would need to see her again for the 17 week visit. It was only after two calls that they admitted that they made a mistake, the doctor wasn't  on vacation and could see us.

-They had my wife's  name and due date wrong (by 2 weeks) for the first 3 appointments, ensuring us at each visit that it was corrected.

-The PA failed to inform us of the nuchal translucency test that we could get done despite us asking about any tests we could do multiple times. We ultimately we told "she's usually on top of her game" and to relax because  we could take the Harmony test which was better.

-We called the office when my wife stayed home from work with unfamiliar pains. The nurse refused  to put the doctor on the phone and insisted my  wife take antibiotics for a UTI. When my wife said it didn't  feel like a UTI, the nurse asked if she was having contractions. My wife said she wasn't sure. She was 25 weeks pregnant and our baby was her first, to which the nurse replied "If you don't know if you're having them, you're not having them." We insisted on seeing the doctor and they finally relented and when we got in, they were only  going to test her for a UTI. We asked to please see the doctor and he said it appeared like round ligament pain but we should go get checked out at the hospital just in case. We went, my wife was having contractions due  to dehydration, we were eventually discharged but never heard from the doctor.

-My wife had pains later in the week, different from the alst but still we were concerned. I called the doctor at 9..he was busy with patients and I explained the situation and was told he was given a message. I called at 10...he was still busy but had the message. I called at 11 and was told he'd call me when he left the office later that day.  I took my wife to the hospital and thankfully it was nothing but normal pregnancy  pains. We never heard from the doctor and when asked, he scrolled through his cell phone and said he didn't get the message.

-My wife began suffering from diarrhea around week 23. First 5 times a day and progressing to over 20 to where she couldn't eat a grape without running to the rest room immediately. We told the doctor every  visit and his answer was "I don't deal with poop. Most women complain of constipation but everyone's different. Try immodium and see a GI after you give birth."

-Calling the doctor to ask if there were any cold medications that were safe to take for our baby the doctor was dismissive and said "women take recreational drugs and have healthy babies all the time" and that we could "take anything over-the-counter. The drug companies just put those warnings about contacting your physician if pregnant to cover themselves from liability but anything over the counter was safe." We didn't listen naturally.

-My wife was told she had strep b and they immediately proceeded with a manual cervix exam (something we now read is discouraged due to it not being conclusive and especially with strep b because it risks pushing the bacteria through the cervix and into the uterus.) They then did the same exam every week after.

-The ultrasound tech constantly told us that our baby was such a pain and a problem because she wouldn't stay still for the scans.

-My wife had a history with a serious hormonal syndrome as well as hereditary anemia a few years back but they ensured us that if she felt fine, no additional monitoring was required.

Looking back, I can't help but wish we could switch doctors but  most of the major issues occurred after week 25 and when I called practices that people referred us  to at that time, they told us that no reputable practice would take on a new patient when we were that far along and to "talk it out with our doctor."

Confused, but trapped, we looked at all of the positive reviews the practice had. The people we know who have used or are using them and were content and thought, while we were frustrated, the important thing was that everyone says they were one of the best practices in our area and that our baby was healthy.

And she was. The Harmony test came back fine. The anatomy test was perfect. Her heart rate and  weight were always well within the norm. She was our little girl and she was perfect and we just couldn't  wait to meet her.

At week 39, we had a Wednesday appointment. The tech took my wife's  vitals. She had   +1 protein and BP of 132/87 (her normal BP trended around 110 to 120).

Before even looking at the vitals, our doctor came in and said "okay, so we can fudge the numbers (our due date) and I'll put you in for Tuesday" then moved on. I stopped and asked what was Tuesday and he said he was going to induce. This was the first time that word was ever uttered and confused I asked if there was a problem or concern. "No," he said, "but my partner is away starting next Friday so I'm giving you guys an offer I don't usually give. I'll induce you on Tuesday. If you turn down the offer, sure, if there's a medical emergency, I'll be there to deliver but it just makes sense for Tuesday. I'm at the hospital Tuesday night and Wednesday day and my partner is there Wednesday night and Thursday day. Just know  that if you don't want to take me up on it, I'm not going to re-arrange my schedule  for you just because you 'don't feel like being pregnant anymore' and you'll have to wait until the following Wednesday." (at 41 1/2 wks)

This is our first time being pregnant and it wasn't until we spoke with friends that we learned most people don't get offered an induction soley out of convenience.

We asked if there was anything to worry about. My wife had swelling hands and feet, occasional headaches and felt the baby move less but he said it was normal. My wife mentioned that she had occasional green discharge and sometimes felt a light leaking sensation of clear fluid. He said that was fine and it was probably the mucus plug loosening. She mentioned that she had severe period-like cramps that didn't feel like contractions but he said it was Braxton hicks and that we shouldn't worry that she wasn't feeling our girl move as much because it's because she's bigger and there's less room to move. We mentioned that she had a chill yesterday so we took her temperature and it was just over a hundred but asked if it could just be a bug and he said it's normal for pregnant women to catch colds all the time because of weakened immune systems. He looked at the vitals and said, "We should keep an eye for preeclampsia though." This was the first we'd heard of it and asked about  what he meant. The protein was creeping up he said but it goes hand in hand with BP and since her BP ws fine, there was nothing to worry about. I pointed out that it was higher than normal but he insisted it wasn't cause for alarm and said it was probably nothing. Pregnant women spill protein all the time and unless the Bp is high, there's nothing to worry about. He said he'd  monitor though and we asked if we should get tests or come back to the office again and he insisted that our next regular appointment (on Monday, 5 days later) was fine. When pressed about how THIS was "monitoring" he shrugged and said "If you're really worried, you can go to CVS, they have those pressure machines there but I'm not concerned."

We went back on Monday at noon. My wife's BP ws 145/92 and protein was +3. He came in and didn't look at the vitals and asked if we were all set for induction tomorrow. We said that if there was no medical reason, we'd prefer to avoid to strain that induction can have on our daughter but said if there was a reason, we'd obviously do what was necessary. He then looked at the vitals and said "looks like you don't have a choice, I'm pretty sure you're preeclamptic." Shocked, we asked what that meant and he said he wasn't alarmed but he couldn't allow the pregnancy to go past tomorrow so we'd meet as planned at the hospital at 3 or 6pm and we'd induce. We asked if he was sure and if there was anything we should do. Were there tests he could do or should we go to the hospital. Our doctor said that he felt like we thought he was joking and added, "I'm confused why it feels like you don't believe me. If you don't, you're welcome to go to labor and delivery. You'll waste 3 or 4 hours there while they run your blood and when they're done, they'll tell you what I'm telling you now, that you're pre-eclamptic and that you have to go home and you'll come back tomorrow afternoon and be induced." The weird thing is that he said this, almost verbatim, 3 or  4 times, as in he'd say if we didn't believe him...go ahead go waste your time  but nothing's  changing and I'll see you tomorrow," but  insisting that the numbers weren't cause for  alarm and he wasn't concerned about our baby or my wife at this point.

Upset and worried, we went home and thought about going. I know that for the rest of our lives we'll wish we had gone straight to the hospital or that he said, "look, I'm concerned and want you to go get checked out." Thsoe what if's are never going to leave us. And we voiced our concern on the phone with him later on. We asked if things were so bad, why  weren't we going now? What was so important about waiting until Tuesday? and he said we were welcome to but be prepared to waste hours and be sent home or we could go in earlier in the day on Tuesday and have a blood panel run so we could get a second opinion if we didn't believe him and then he'd see us late in the afternoon to induce.

We went to bed. My wife felt our daughter move. We woke up and once my wife was able to leave the bathroom long enough, we went to the hospital.

We arrived at 11am since he said we'd  be able to induce at 3 or so. There was not the smallest shred of doubt in our hearts or minds that something was wrong, we packed everything and were sure we'd go in, be tested, induced and have our daughter in our arms.

After being admitted for testing our world was shattered in an instant. The nurse couldn't find our daughter's heartbeat. 2 other people came in and confirmed that there was nothing they could do. Our baby, at 40 weeks 2 days, was gone.

The doctor came in 30 minutes later. He sat down and immediately said "This sucks, it just  sucks. These things happen sometimes but still the only thing I can say is it just sucks." We were wrecks still but we remember everything. He then said, "This is why I wanted you to come in last night. If you did, they would have  checked your levels and they wouldn't have let you leave. They would have kept you here and we would have induced last night." Those words swirl in our heads still and I can't explain what I felt as he changed his story to put the blame of our daughter's death on us. Us who took every precaution, went to every appointment early, rushed to the hospital anytime there was concern and asked constantly about any symptom my wife had but were answered dismissively. I kept my mouth shut because even in my shock I knew this man was going to have my wife's safety in his hands. I then asked, because I clearly had never thought of this moment happening, what had to be done? Did my wife have to go through delivery for nothing. He stepped out and came back in and said he'd do whatever we wanted, the choice was up to us and there was no rush, he'd be back in a few hours. We could go vaginally or c-section but c-section was riskier.

He left and thankfully a nurse came in. She said she shouldn't be saying this but it was her medical opinion that we should absolutely not have a c-section. She'd never heard it be offered as a choice, it's risky and gets riskier each time. My wife would be forced to give birth via c-section next time and we wouldn't be able to try again for at least 12 months. I'm so glad she explained this to us and that unless it's medically necessary, it's simply not done.

My wife delivered our daughter still the next day at 12:32pm vaginally. The doctor was almost relieved when he saw a cord around her neck, wrapped once and though my wife hadn't even been in labor, seemed reassured that the cause of death was the cord. He popped in twice after that to ask me how she was doing and said his partner was taking over and he'd check on us that night and the next day. He never did. My wife was give IV anitbiotics due to a 103 degree fever after birth.

When we were home that night I called to inquire about oral antibiotics because I was concerned about infection at 11pm. No call back. My wife called at 4am because no one had told us what to expect when we got home and she was having heavier bleeding and cramps. He called finally at 5. I asked about antibiotics and he said "sure, if you want, I can call in a script." Odd how his medical records say that due to fever, he decided to prescribe antibiotics orally.

We haven't heard from them since. No call. No follow up. Nothing. Is that normal?

We had to go pick up the autopsy results from our daughter ourselves from the hospital bc 12 days after the hospital told it was complete, we still haven't heard from the practice. No mention of monitoring my wife for pre-eclampsia, no blood tests nor even a call to discuss the autopsy results.

It came back like we knew in our hearts it would, our baby was perfectly healthy. A pound less than the U/S tech said she'd be but still a perfect weight. Nothing unusual except for signs of chorioamnionitis on the placenta. The doctor knew my wife had gbs and told us not to worry, then did a digital exam. She had clear signs of preeclampsia and chorio yet he insisted on waiting a full week to induce instead of monitoring or inducing like he should have. If he did, everything else about her was perfect, and I have to believe she'd still be alive. 

Even the autopsy is odd. It took less than an hour to perform when major hospital websites say an infant autopsy takes between 3-4 hours to be completed. My wife's temperature at the hospital is wrong saying it was 100.7 but it was 103+, I saw it. No mention of preeclampsia, nothing. 

It's all so devastating and frustrating. We lost our first and only daughter due to sheer laziness and when speaking to some lawyers...(we're not litigious but the things that this man did to us...he needs to be held accountable)...they say it's awful and the doctors fault but a few have even said there's nothing legally to be done. None of this is fair but how in today's society is this okay? 

And here we are feeling emptiness like I can't  imagine, regret, pain and loss. We'll try again and we feel relief when we read people say that after this, they went on to have happy families but right now I feel like we can't  get over the sense of loss, sadness, regret, violation and anger.

Again, I'm sorry for this being so long. But we needed to get it out somewhere where people might understand and wouldn't judge and we thank you for any words, advice or thoughts you are inclined to share because they are certainly needed right now.