Stillbirth Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have been impacted by a stillbirth. A stillbirth occurs when a fetus which has died in the uterus, during labor, or during delivery exits a woman's body. For help and support, share your experiences and learn how others coped. Don't forget that you are not alone.
Hello to all,
I am coming here for help because I am just losing my mind. I hear this is pretty normal right now. My daughter Autumn was born still a week ago. 11-24. She is my 5th child and was completely unexpected. I started with menopause 2 years ago. I am 41. I was at work and felt I had the flu. I came home to rest not knowing I was in labor and , well, by the time I realized what was happening I had to call 911. My daughter and I delivered her at home. She had obviously passed earlier in the week. I cant describe the guilt I am feeling. Or the horror. At some point during the week I had developed severe preeclampsia. This is the only reason my Drs and nurses gave for me not feeling any contractions. I had only a slight backache. I cant look my family in the eye. Im supposed to be a veteran at this by now. I shouldve felt something. Anything. But I didnt. Coming home without my child has just been..there are no words. None. I can only keep breathing for the 2 that are still home with me. And pray. Im keeping you all close to my heart tonight.
I don't really know if this will be of any help to you but I will share the things I have read or heard that helped me a little bit (I lost my first child 2 months ago and it's still very raw and painful).
First, you did not deserve to lose your baby. You didn't do anything to deserve that loss. You are good and you deserve love and you are loved.
Your baby knew your love and your touch. He/she was protected by you and comforted by you. That is all he/she knew of the world and that is a beautiful thing.
The grief is raw and hard and unimaginable and unbearable. You feel like you will not survive it, but you are surviving. You are stronger than you know.
You are not alone. I also feel so much guilt, regret, shame, embarassment, failure. I have nightmares. I have a hard time facing each day. It's too hard to face the world sometimes. That's okay. Sometimes I avoid all social situations because I simply can't be present there.
Describe what you are feeling when you can. Maybe that means writing about it or talking with people about what you are experiencing. Talking to other loss moms is helpful. Reading others' stories is helpful. Share your story with other people in your life if you feel comfortable.
Figure out what YOU need to go through this (not get through it, as there is no end). Maybe it's not writing or speaking to someone else but it's being by yourself. Maybe it's yoga, a walk outside, listening to sad songs, or taking a soothing bath.
Find ways to honor your baby. Little by little, you will start to be able to think of the good things your baby brought to you instead of the harsh feelings of loss and the things that were taken away from you.
Maybe some of this will help. Maybe it won't. But I hope it does! Sending love.