I'm so sorry for your loss, I too lost my baby girl on 3/5 and gave birth to her 3/7. I was 2 days past my due date. I have no living children but have suffered through 3 miscarriages before. Being past my due date I finally was confident nothing bad was going to happen and it did. I've screamed the most painful scream I ever have before and have never cried so passionately in my life. My world is upside down and will never be the same. I've been in this group obsessively ever since just trying to ease the pain, maybe we can all try to help each other through this f***ed time. I know the only people who I've really been able to talk to is people who have felt this hurt. If you need anyone to talk to you can message me

Thank-you so much. You are right, we do need to lean on each other in order for each of us to find a way to deal. Maybe one day we can talk about our babies with a smile and tell everyone how beautiful they were without breaking down into a million tears.

I've broke out in tears every day multiple times. I'm miserable without the daughter I should have right now. This should be the happiest time of our lives, not the worst. I just feel like an empty shell of who I used to be. I drag my carcass through every day hoping to not see anyone I know or have to talk to and just wait for night to come so I can go to sleep again...what little sleep I can get that is. all the little stretch marks I got that I was so upset about I hope never go away now. All the silly heart breaks I've had in my life seem so petty now after this. I'm trying to think of ways to just be happy and honor her every day but I haven't come up with any. What are you doing to cope or have you doin a way? I'm always checking this group to talk to people but I don't think too many people are on here. I want to be able to talk about my baby too without just sobbing and becoming bitter at the world.

You can talk or vent or whatever you need to to me. I'm active on this group and im here to listen to other people too and maybe we can find a little peace knowing were not alone

I haven't found a solid way to cope. I have custody of my two younger brothers so they keep me busy and keep me moving on.

Hello there ladies, I'm so very sorry for the loss of your precious babies. You're right, this group doesn't seem very active right now, this time last year it was very busy. My little girl, my first, much wanted and much loved gorgeous baby was stillborn on August 9th 2002. She would have turned 14 this summer. When I come to this group and read the stories of all the new Angel mommies I am transported back to those devastatingly painful early days, weeks and months without my daughter. I remember so acutely the all consuming grief and unimaginable sorrow that I felt. It truly was the hardest time that I have ever experienced in my life. My heart aches for you. I know I felt like I would never get over it, I didn't want to get over it and I don't think that you really do " get over" something like this. What I have found is that I have learned to live with it. She is never far from my mind but I don't feel that crushing grief that I used to when I think about my little girl. Little by little I started to come out of the daze of grief that I was living in. Early on I couldn't think clearly, I couldn't go outside my house for fear that I would burst into tears at any second, I couldn't be near a new baby without crying, and I don't just mean tearing up, I mean weeping, the kind that comes from a place within you that you didn't know existed until you held the lifeless body of your child in your arms and then had to leave the most precious piece of your heart behind at the hospital. The type of pain that only a mother with empty arms understands. But little by little, and with plenty of time I emerged out of that grief and began to heal. It was just a matter of putting one foot in front of the other, taking it minute by minute, day by day and eventually it turns into months and years. There is light at the end of the tunnel, it's just that there's so many twists and turns in the tunnel that that little glimmer can be hard to see, you will get there, you need time and love, space and understanding. It's different for everyone of course but I felt all different emotions ranging from terrible sorrow to tremendous guilt, confusion and anger. I became so ANGRY. I blamed everyone, especially myself. Eventually I worked through all my emotions and found some level of peace with my loss, I still don't like it but I can live with it. You will smile again, you will feel joy again, but unfortunately it takes time. Do whatever it is that helps. I lit a candle in front of my daughters picture for four years, every single night. Some people thought I was being obsessive but my husband was supportive and didn't think I was too crazy so he left me at it. Eventually it became a candle on her anniversary and Xmas and a birthday cake on her anniversary. Myself, my husband and my children I had after I lost Jane all stand around the table on Aug 9th every year, we sing happy birthday, blow out the candles, eat cake and talk about the little girl that we all wish we could have known. I can honestly say that the crushing pain that I used to feel about my baby has given way to more of a longing. There is an empty spot in my heart for her, for sure, but my life has continued on and now I feel like I need to live for her as well. I used to worry that I would forget things about her and that that would dishonor her memory but it's amazing really, after nearly 14 years I can still feel her soft skin and remember her smell. I remember every inch of her tiny body and the grumpy look she had on her little face. She was just precious and now I feel honored that she lived her entire life inside me surrounded by nothing but love. That might sound corny but it gives me some peace. My thoughts and best wishes are with you. This is an awful time, just hang on tight and vent, vent and vent some more. There isn't anything you can say that one of this group hasn't thought or felt. Take care of yourselves.

Thank-you so much. Your words are very helpful. I am very angry. People complain about my facebook posts but I want everyone to know that he mattered. I was so close at happiness. I had a dream that I lost him before I actually did but I had a doctors appointment that morning and everything had been fine...the nurses words were "perfect"...Its strange but sometimes I feel that maybe if I get pregnant again his soul will come back to me but then again if im a Christian then that thought doesn't align with any of the possible "reasons" as to why God found it best to take my baby from me. My whole life has been awful...from my mother calling me a fat bitch at 7 years old...to my father drinking everyday and beating her...both me and my sister have to take care of our half siblings and they have another on the way... how can God give them a child but take mine...I have been through various other things but I just cant relate to the saying "God doesn't give you more than you can handle" ....I feel like this is more than I can handle... I made my way through a lot of hurtful and dangerous situations growing up. But this is by far the worst thing I've ever experienced. Id rather be with my son.

I am so sorry for your loss. It is the most unimaginable pain in the world. I lost my son on March 13. I don't know what to do with myself. He had a rare condition called hydrops. I'm so mad at the world. I was 33 weeks pregnant. I could tell he wasn't moving as much and I had to beg the doctor to give me an ultrasound. My sweet boy had fluid in his head, his chest, and stomach. We were monitoring him in the hospital and then they just couldn't find his heartbeat. You mention the worst scream you ever screamed - I know that scream. This was my first child too. A baby boy. We were so incredibly excited. I had to have a c-section and am still recovering. I can't do anything which make it all worse. I think about him constantly. My husband has been the most amazing man during this whole awful nightmare. We had to bury our baby. I just will never understand it. Why would our beautiful boy be taken away from us? He was so beautiful. I got to hold him and kiss him. He was a big boy. He already weighed 8 lbs. I just am mad everyday that he is not here. I am incredibly sad and I feel empty inside. I feel like something is missing, he is missing. I think about how I am supposed to be 36 weeks pregnant right now, looking forward to him, wondering what he is going to look like. I'm supposed to be looking forward to life with him, feeding him, holding him, bathing him, changing him. I would do anything for that. My life feels so wrong without him.

I am so so sorry you are going through this. I'm sure you did the same thing I did and started searching for help online. When I saw your post, and that it recently happened to you, it was your first baby, and a boy - I immediately felt like I had to respond. I know nothing I say can make any difference. I know because I am going through the same thing. You just want to know why - or what we could have done. I don't even know if there IS something we could have done. I just know I feel empty and I also feel like I failed my baby.

I'm sending lots of love your way.

Thank-you it does help that our stories are so similar and close to a month apart. I found out on 2/16/16 that his heart had stopped and gave birth on 2/18/16. My husband has also been great through all of this. He doesn't want to try again in the next year or two because he is afraid people will think we are replacing him. We don't have the go ahead anyway and im still wishy-washy about it but all my friends are pregnant and having their gender reveals, etc. It makes me so sad that they are fixing to have everything while im left with nothing. I love my friend and I wish them happ and healthy babies but im just saddened by all of it.