Stillbirth Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have been impacted by a stillbirth. A stillbirth occurs when a fetus which has died in the uterus, during labor, or during delivery exits a woman's body. For help and support, share your experiences and learn how others coped. Don't forget that you are not alone.
A Note To Julien Angel Lee
At 36 weeks, less than a month left to go,
our water had broke, it was time for a show!
Early indeed, but ready to proceed
with the birthing process, till we started to bleed.
Placenta abruption caused your death, we now know
Both of us clinging to life, as blood started to flow.
Why is this happening why is your heartbeat so low?
Doctor assured me it was great just a few hours ago.
No God, I beg you, its not his time to go!
Take me, take me, please let my Julien grow!
Why spare my life, but had to take his?
My heart cant recover it has nothing left to give.
Im sorry I wont easily forgive,
when you gave me no reason and didn't allow him to live?
As I awoke, I spoke to a nurse
I expected bad news, but this was the worse.
By the look on her face, I shouldnt have asked
I already knew that my son had just passed.
Your brother is not sleeping, were some hard words to say
As they held you in their arms, where you so comfortably lay.
Envisioning their future with you slowly fading away,
when we had to explain that you werent able to stay.
Im so happy I got to hold you, even though it was brief.
You looked so peaceful, like in a comfy sleep.
Surreal to think, I will never get to hold you again.
Im still in shock, in absolute disbelief!
Oh how I wish I could have taken you home,
rocked you to sleep as I sang you a song.
But reality has set in, my dreams are now gone.
I can no longer hold you in my arms, where you truly belong.
Mommys arms are empty with no baby to hold.
My heart feels so heavy, destroyed and so cold.
I have nothing left, only sadness inside.
A heart forever broken the day that you died.
Coming home to an empty nursery was especially tough,
without baby in hand, its just a room full of stuff.
If Im being punished, why be so rough?
Loosing my baby, wasnt THAT hard enough?
What will I do, when I see people that knew,
start asking questions about what happened to you.
Im just not ready to explain the loss of my son.
Not to friends, nor family, not ready to talk to anyone!
They say things happen for a reason, then give me ONE!
Cause this mother cant handle the loss of her son.
I guess I am left with no explanation,
Only feelings of anger, grief and frustration.
What now, how do I move ahead?
When its a struggle just to get out of bed.
I keep seeing mothers to be,
possibly the hardest thing for me to see.
Especially now you are no longer inside of me.
My body unaware that you were away,
mommys milk still came in today.
Bonding between mother and child, what I desperately need
Now a painful reminder, theres no baby to feed.
A handful of pictures, is all that Ive got.
Never will there be photos of you as a tot.
A two page scrapbook may not seem like a lot,
Rest assured, it will show all the love that you brought.
I wish I could say,
it will be okay.
But life is so cruel,
when it took away my baby Jul.
Someone explain, please tell me why
my sweet little baby needed to die.
How is this fair, shouldnt I have at least heard him cry?
Even worse, never got to tell him goodbye.
~by Tammy Piccolo Lee~
At 36 weeks, less than a month left to go,
our water had broke, it was time for a show!
Early indeed, but ready to proceed
with the birthing process, till we started to bleed.
Placenta abruption caused your death, we now know
Both of us clinging to life, as blood started to flow.
Why is this happening why is your heartbeat so low?
Doctor assured me it was great just a few hours ago.
No God, I beg you, its not his time to go!
Take me, take me, please let my Julien grow!
Why spare my life, but had to take his?
My heart cant recover it has nothing left to give.
Im sorry I wont easily forgive,
when you gave me no reason and didn't allow him to live?
As I awoke, I spoke to a nurse
I expected bad news, but this was the worse.
By the look on her face, I shouldnt have asked
I already knew that my son had just passed.
Your brother is not sleeping, were some hard words to say
As they held you in their arms, where you so comfortably lay.
Envisioning their future with you slowly fading away,
when we had to explain that you werent able to stay.
Im so happy I got to hold you, even though it was brief.
You looked so peaceful, like in a comfy sleep.
Surreal to think, I will never get to hold you again.
Im still in shock, in absolute disbelief!
Oh how I wish I could have taken you home,
rocked you to sleep as I sang you a song.
But reality has set in, my dreams are now gone.
I can no longer hold you in my arms, where you truly belong.
Mommys arms are empty with no baby to hold.
My heart feels so heavy, destroyed and so cold.
I have nothing left, only sadness inside.
A heart forever broken the day that you died.
Coming home to an empty nursery was especially tough,
without baby in hand, its just a room full of stuff.
If Im being punished, why be so rough?
Loosing my baby, wasnt THAT hard enough?
What will I do, when I see people that knew,
start asking questions about what happened to you.
Im just not ready to explain the loss of my son.
Not to friends, nor family, not ready to talk to anyone!
They say things happen for a reason, then give me ONE!
Cause this mother cant handle the loss of her son.
I guess I am left with no explanation,
Only feelings of anger, grief and frustration.
What now, how do I move ahead?
When its a struggle just to get out of bed.
I keep seeing mothers to be,
possibly the hardest thing for me to see.
Especially now you are no longer inside of me.
My body unaware that you were away,
mommys milk still came in today.
Bonding between mother and child, what I desperately need
Now a painful reminder, theres no baby to feed.
A handful of pictures, is all that Ive got.
Never will there be photos of you as a tot.
A two page scrapbook may not seem like a lot,
Rest assured, it will show all the love that you brought.
I wish I could say,
it will be okay.
But life is so cruel,
when it took away my baby Jul.
Someone explain, please tell me why
my sweet little baby needed to die.
How is this fair, shouldnt I have at least heard him cry?
Even worse, never got to tell him goodbye.
~by Tammy Piccolo Lee~
My baby girl died during labor due to an undetected
Infection.
I sometimes get the feeling people (my family and friends) do not think the pain of a stillbirth is as grave as loosing someone who had a chance to live. I get responses like "Will you try for another baby?" or "At least you still have two wonderful little boys". I wish they knew how hurtfull those things are to hear. I know they mean well but they simply do not understand the pain, unless they lived through it... So, once again, thank you all so much for your support.
~Tammy~