I feel so sorry for your loss Eleanor1025 :(. The pain must feel so raw for you and you must still be in a state of shock and disbelief about how unfair it all is. Your baby girl should be with you, happy and healthy, but she’s not and there’s no words to console your loss.

I lost my baby boy a week before you and leaving hospital without him, walking through the maternity ward hearing the baby cries but having to leave empty was one of the hard moments to accept.

You’ve come to the right place to get some support because I find reading every one’s stories and how much grief we are all going through has helped me a little bit because I’ve been finding it hard to verbalize to other people about it without breaking down in tears but knowing there are other people going through the same emotions is a reminder that I’m not alone. Take it day by day, they will be pretty dark and you will feel like being swallowed up by a big hole in the ground, but remember that whilst the pain will always be there, you can get through the grief. I woke up many mornings hoping it was just a nightmare but when I quickly realize it’s harsh reality, it makes me cry.

We don’t have answers either as to what happened and why life has been so cruel as to take our son away and still drive ourselves crazy with what ifs and what I should’ve done differently because Dylan stopped kicking for me too and when he came out and there were no cord issues, we have been just struggling to understand what happened.
It might be that we will never know, because the autopsy might not give us any answers, so we just have to accept that sometimes not every child is ready for the world. There doesn’t need to be a reason so we shouldn’t hurt ourselves by constantly asking why. Sigh.

As you mentioned, life will never be the same. We’ve lost a child and parents should never have to go through that but we have to live with that.

Hugs to you and I hope you can focus on your recovery and get better soon.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I'll be keeping you and Eleanor in my thoughts. I too lost my son a week before you. I don't know how to 'deal' with the sadness other than to let it come. You'll have days when you just cry the whole day. That's ok. Other times I have a somewhat normal day and then one thought or song or image will set me off.

I've also found it helps a lot to read other's stories. And I try to write as soon as I wake up in the morning. I found it helps me get some thoughts and emotions out, and then it's a little easier to be 'functional'.

To be honest, I don't think we will ever go back to a normal life...things will always be different for us. We'll always carry this sadness. I agree that when our babies passed they took a big part of us with them. But I think they also gave us a part of their souls too. They gave us strength and they taught us about love and being grateful. And we'll always carry that with us too.

I'm here if you want to talk more. Send me a message any time. <3

Hi There! I'm also sorry to know of your loss. I too lost my Judah earlier this month (10/04/17), and have been dealing with probably all the same issues you have. What I found to be useful besides the norm (prayers, crying, etc) is talking about Judah. I also began writing things down about him and my loss of him. Things like the moment I knew he was gone, his delivery, my hospital stay, and all that I'm going through and have gone through. His funeral service was on 10/22/17 and he was cremated the next day. In order for me to have some peace and closure, I witnessed and assisted in his cremation. For some this would've been a difficult task. But I knew that Judah's spirit was already in heaven and he had transitioned into a beautiful angelic being that I will be reunited with some day. So take pleasure in knowing that you've now joined an elite group of people who have the privilege of becoming the parent of an ANGEL!