Stillbirth Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have been impacted by a stillbirth. A stillbirth occurs when a fetus which has died in the uterus, during labor, or during delivery exits a woman's body. For help and support, share your experiences and learn how others coped. Don't forget that you are not alone.

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nickerd00dlex0 03/07/2013

I'm starting to struggle with my body. My body knows I had a baby. But my body doesn't know my baby died. At first, I was ok with the leaking breasts and the constant change of nursing pads. But now, a week after we lost Olivia, its starting to set in. And I can't stand it. Sometimes I go through 3 sets of pads in a couple hours. It's terrible. Its not only getting to be annoying and expensive, but a constant reminder of what I should be doing right now. I wanted to nurse Olivia. Now, not only am I dealing with this constant reminder, but I'm forced to venture to the baby isle to buy more pads. I find that CVS is the easiest. Maybe I should switch to reusable? I don't know. I'm a first time mom. Or I was supposed to be a first time mom. And maybe it is selfish of me, but I hate that I had to go through all the pains of labor and the stitches (sorry for TMI) and the afterbirth pains and now the left over stretch marks and the leaking for nothing. She's not here with me. It's not fair to me that my body is treating itself like this is any normal birth of a baby.

Ok--I think that's enough of a rant for now. Maybe I'm being a bit childish and selfish, but this all just sucks.

deleted_user 03/07/2013

It must be so awfull for you being ur first, Harriet was my 3 pregnancy so i knew what to expect after not that it helped, its horrible that ur going through all these new experiences and getting nothing out of it that really does suck and don't feel guilty about ur feelings you have every right to be angry. I know i still am, this shouldn't happen to good people. Sending you big hugs, someone told me cabbage leaves are good for achey boobs and a really tight bra helps get rid of the milk quicker.x

Motek18 03/07/2013

I felt the same way. My body got ruined, I have emotional scars, and no baby to show for anything. When the milk came in nothing could stop it. I wore extremely tight bra's... Like a sports bra and a regular bra and a tight tank top. It was uncomfortable and painful, but it made my milk dry up in about a week. And don't touch your boobs! I know it makes them feel better. But it also stimulates the milk to come in more. The thing that helped with the pain the most was buying a head of cabbage and putting it in the fridge. Take one leaf and crinkle it once and put it in your bra. Sounds weird, I know... But it felt GREAT!

deleted_user 03/07/2013

The whole thing stinks all around. PS you are not selfish.

I did ice packs and cabbage leaves to try and get the milk to go down. I also wrapped up with ace bandages because my breast are already really large.

Do get lots and lots a of rest. Your body has been through so much. I did have reusable nursing pads cos you can wash them in the washer. That way you don't have to go out. I hated going to the store after my son passed. I felt like a zombie and like the whole world was just a rotten place. I needed the safety of my home.

terranickole 03/07/2013

You are def not selfish...what we had to go through is horrifying, milk coming in, weeks of bleeding, stretch marks and our bodies wrecked for nothing. I had to go on so much pain and anxiety meds because I couldn't deal with it all. My biggest issue is the 11.5 hrs of excruciating labor for nothing what was the point? Why make me go through that?

gemsandjules 03/08/2013

I only add my reply so you know just how many of us went through exactly the same physical and emotional turmoil and so you know that you are absolutely not being childish or selfish. It does suck and it's not fair. We are the only people who understand all of what you are going through. Don't let anyone else tell you anything different. They don't know what's right or wrong when it comes to coping with losing a child this way. I will be praying extra hard for you tonight. Hugs and prayers for peace and healing.

nickerd00dlex0 03/08/2013

Thanks everyone. I'm glad to know I'm not being selfish.

I bought reusable nursing pads. Maybe I didn't place them the right way cuz less than 20 minutes later, I leaked through to my bra and shirt. Everything is just so frustrating for me. My OB has me on 50mg of zoloft a day AND .5mg of Klonopin twice a day because i get so upset and overwhelmed. I have generalized anxiety disorder on top of all this, so that doesn't help. And I feel a lot of anxiety whenever I'm not with my fianc, which is probably childish, too. He goes back to work Monday, 7:30a-7:30p, and I'm really stressing about it. I don't want to be home alone all day...

It's all a learning process I suppose...

MomOfSydneyRue 03/09/2013

We all have been in that situation, what you feel right now is normal. It really did suck!

deleted_user 03/09/2013

My son was my first too and I feel the same. While in a way I'm happy that I was pregnant with him and got what time with him I did, but I also lament going through all that: months of morning sickness, stretch marks, birth, milk coming in and now, even six months later, sometimes I still find myself angry/sad that now I have this baby weight I can't seem to lose and no baby to make it worth it. It kinda sucks that we do all the work but never get the prize. At least that's how I kinda see it. I just tell myself if this hadn't happened, I wouldn't have known my little Ollie at all...and I really am thankful for the little time I had him.

Kelly0713 03/09/2013

I am so sorry for what you're going through. I lost my first (and apparently only chance) baby last summer and also struggled with the milk situation. I put on a really tight sportsbra and left it on for like a week without removing it. Totally gross, but I was just laying in bed. Showering made more milk come out. What dark days. Things do get a little better hang in there...

deleted_user 06/06/2013

I just lost my Olivia 3 days ago and this morning I woke up with leaking breast. i cried for over an hour because I am having pain after c-section and now leaking breast all for nothing. I was told if I bind my breast tightly with an ace bandage, put ice packs on my breast that the milk will eventually stop coming in.... this all feels like a nightmare and I know how this feels. I wish my body didn't automatically act like this and that it would just know it doesn't need to be making milk....

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