Today was Sophia's birthday. It was like I was living a moment by moment replay of her birth and death. Every hour I was thinking, this time last year I was in labor, last year I was holding her....

BUT ... My wonderful man was actually there for me! Yesterday we cried together. He told me that he catches himself crying sometimes at work too. He said he blames himself as much as I blame myself and that there's no way he wishes I would "get over it" cause he said he knows he'll never be over it.

We actually just held each other and kissed for like an hour, he let me cry I let him cry and we talked all night. Today, to get out some stress, I bought a bunch of plates to break in the woods and he came with me and taught me to shoot a 38 automatic, he shot his 12 gauge. We broke plates and got pissed off and got out our stress.

And the most amazing part is, after a year of begging him to try again, we did last night and this morning. It just happened. I don't know if this is for real or what, but I may be on my way to having my rainbow baby and I'm scared and ecstatic.

I just wanted to share cause I feel like this is all due to Sophia. She's watching over us and sending us love, and now I know after such a bad storm in our relationship we can last through anything, and we've been through hell. She was there with us today, I swear.

Happy birthday Sophia Grace, my little angel. Thank you, and thank you everyone here at DS for your love and help. There really is a way to feel happiness after such a messed up year. Love you all