Stillbirth Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have been impacted by a stillbirth. A stillbirth occurs when a fetus which has died in the uterus, during labor, or during delivery exits a woman's body. For help and support, share your experiences and learn how others coped. Don't forget that you are not alone.

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Insensitivity

nickerd00dlex0
nickerd00dlex0
I don't understand why some people just can't think BEFORE they speak. my fianc ran into a neighbor he hasn't talked to in a while at the grocery store the other day. She made awkward small talk and apologized for our loss and then made a weird transition into talking about our puppy we got about a month ago. She then proceeded to say "Well he's really cute...at least you have something small at home to hold."

WHAT THE HELL!

Yes, lady. Holding my puppy is so very similar to holding my CHILD.

Why would she even think that is a smart thing to say?? Having had a miscarriage before this loss, I've heard people say a lot of stupid things, but never like that. Completely ridiculous.


Ok--thanks for letting me rant.
Motek18
Motek18
Some times people just don't know what to say. They have never faced it... It's like when people say, "I know what your going through. My gold fish died when I was 7" They just don't understand.
MomOfSydneyRue
MomOfSydneyRue
Yeah... Sad to say, there are a lot of them out there... Sometimes, I feel so evil wishing they would also feel what we do... Sorry, I guess that's just my bad side.
terranickole
terranickole
Ugh people are so stupid, wow a puppy and a child are def NOT the same. I hate it when people tell me "its ok at least you can have another one" like I lost my kitten and can go to the pound and get him replaced, he's my son and will never be replaced even if I had a dozen more children.
nickerd00dlex0
nickerd00dlex0
People at work say that to me all the time. "You're young, you can have more kids." It makes me want to scream "yea well if your son dies in a car accident (God forbid), don't worry...you can go to the orphanage and get another." Children are NOT replaceable.

Another thing I'm noticing is people comparing their losses of aunts, husbands, etc. to the loss of my daughter. Especially my grandma. Everything I say regarding Olivia, my grandma says "Oh, I understand. That's exactly how I felt when papa died." She's my grandma and I don't want to hurt her feelings so I don't say anything but I just want to scream THAT ISN'T THE SAME!

The ONLY people who could possibly understand are those who, unfortunately, have been through losing a child.
deleted_user
deleted_user
The absolute worst thing people can say is, "You can have another one" because there will never be another one of that person. I am so sorry you have to hear this.

I quickly learned the people in my life to take a break from for a while, or I do not talk about "my situation" (as I like to call it) with them. Invariably, they say something both of us will regret.

There's actually a lady at my work that if I see her and she doesn't see me, I literally run the other way. If she compliments me ONE MORE TIME on my weight loss I am gonna scream! So, I do not subject myself to it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I had a similiar experience, 5 days after we had the burial for Pierce an uncle of my fiance stated, "well look on the bright side, you can have sex and make another one, we all come from seeds."
WHAT THE HECK!! Serously, I dont want to just have sex and make another one like my child is something I can replace.
People just dont understand, when you dont know what to say over a loss just give the person a hug and say sorry for your loss, or I love you, or ask if there is something you can do. Dont ramble about sex or compare stories. ugh...
Im sorry you had to go through that.