I am so sorry for your loss of JoAnn. Your feelings are normal. To this day, I feel guilt. The day we found out that Amelia passed, I had spent the day with my mom and husband doing laundry, going out to eat, and walking around in a supermarket like everything was normal. I hadn't felt her move but I didn't think anything of it since Amelia usually slept in the morning and was very active at night. I always feel that I should have known, that I should have been more diligent. But everyone assures me that I had no way of knowing. Her check ups were perfect, there was not a single complication. But just because I didn't do anything wrong doesn't mean that I still don't feel responsible or guilt. Every time I feel this way, which is quite often, I recite a passage I read in that empty cradle book they gave us in the hospital: You made the best decision based on the information you had at the time. Had any of us known, we would have stayed in the hospital for 9 months to be monitored. I would have given my life to save Amelia.

I feel guilty because I had wanted a boy. I feel that I should have been more excited about having a daughter but I didn't get excited until I was well into my pregnancy. Now I am preoccupied with having another baby, but my doctor says I'm just not ready to try again because I have unresolved emotional and physical issues that are preventing me from conceiving.

Your family sounds so supportive and that is all anyone can ever hope for.

Your post dredges up all my darkest thoughts. Sam was to be our first, and only, son. My husband and I spent our whole lives saying we'd never have children, then decided we'd regret it if we didn't, stopped using birth control, and got pregnant 8 months later. The day we found out, I was terrified. The whole pregnancy he would make sweet little comments like "we're going to be a family" and I would just nod. I (unintentionally) watched a movie about a woman that experienced multiple miscarriages and a stillbirth when I was about five months pregnant and went into hysterics saying "I can't imagine anything worse". I spent the whole pregnancy fearing the worst and not letting myself hope or be excited while, at the same time, complaining about every ache and unsatisfied craving (I enjoy wine and sushi). On my darkest days I tell myself we lost him because he never felt loved. It's totally illogical (look at all the healthy babies born that are put up for adoption or tossed out like garbage) but I can't help it. I feel like I failed by husband and our parents and everyone who was looking so forward to meeting the son of the two that were "never having kids".

It sounds like you and I can be grateful for one thing, at least, which is our wonderful husbands. Mine, too, constantly reminds me it's not my fault and he loves me. Maybe someday we'll be able to forgive ourselves, too.

wow i thought i was the only one who felt this. Im so sorry for your loss. we must remember that we did the best we could . when i got pregnant with Lily, i really had no desire to be pregnant. i have been married to my husband for 5 years and I have a 10 year old son from a previous relationship. My son has add and it has been tough for me emotionally. so when i wouldnt become pregnant people would say so when are you gonna try for the next one and i would say "well see i feel like i have 2 with my son haha" (i would always tell the same joke). but inside i had absolutely no desire for another one. To be honest i thought i didnt have the patience for another child. i knew my husband desired a child so i decided to get rid of birth control and we got pregnant, i lost that baby 2 months in. i was traumatized by that experiance and i wanted it even less. but time passed by and 2 years later i became pregnant with Lily. I was so nervous and i said well ill do this for my husband. and in the first 3 months i let him know it. i told him that it was for him, and i complained about my morning sickness and heartburn throughout the pregnancy. when we found out she was a girl i fell in love with her. but i was dreading the labor so much and i did feel alittle of a disconnect with her. i thought that i would really get to bond with her when she was here, and well i never did and i totally understand that guilt so much. because now i wish i would have talked to her more and well when i saw her after an emergency c-section i was in so much shock that i didn't hold her near me, which was one of the things i was anticipating so much, i wanted her on my skin. that was one of the most important things i desired, so i guess we all have guilt, i thought i was the only one. but we are not to blame we didnt know this was gonna happen, how could we?our babies are in heaven and they know they are loved and that im sure of. your babie knows her mommy loved her and you did what was in your conrol. God bless you