I don't even know where to begin. I'm so lost in my life without my baby girl. I was 38 weeks when I lost her. My sweet Willow's due date was July 4th. I had my 38 week appt on June 20th and heard her heartbeat and I was so excited that she was going to be here very soon. I woke up on June 23rd not feeling right, my stomach was crampy and Willow wasn't moving. I thought she was just sleeping so I waited before I began to worry. She has done this before but she usually started to be really active when I got to work and started getting into the day. After a few hours and I still didn't feel her move, I left work and went to the hospital. My heart dropped when the nurses couldn't find her heartbeat and my heart broke when I seen her so lifeless on the ultrasound. All I could do was scream when the doctor came in and told me that my Willow Rose had passed away. I couldn't believe it was happening. I wanted to wake up from the horrible nightmare I was in. I didn't want to believe it, I had so many plans for us. Willow became my whole life. I loved feeling her grow and feeling her kick. I would talk to her and sing to her all the time. And in a matter of seconds my world came crashing down around me. 

They induced me around 10pm that night and I could just stare at the ceiling praying to God that I would wake up and this whole thing would just be a terrible nightmare. I didn't sleep at all. I held my stomach and cried. My beautiful Willow was born that next morning June 24th at 7:24am. She was so perfect. She had dark brown hair and lots of it. She had her daddy's little nose and my chubby cheeks. She was so beautiful and I love her so much! I held her in my arms and I never wanted to let go of her. She looked so peaceful. The last thing I said to her before I had to let her go was that I loved her with my whole life and I told her to wait for me. I would have done anything, even gave my life so she could have lived. I miss her so much everyday. It feels like I'm just waiting for her to come home but I know she is gone. It's a constant battle to keep myself going everyday. I catch myself wanting to go check on her in her nursery but then I realize Willow isn't going to be there and I break down.

I'm not sure how to go on with my life because my baby girl was my whole life. When I came across this group, my heart cried for everyone on here knowing that there are others going through the same pain I am. I wouldn't wish this pain on any human being. I just wonder why God had to take her, why my arms weren't good enough. I guess I will never understand. The pain only seems to be getting worse. I just want to know what happened to my baby girl. All the tests that were ran came back normal. I wish I could go back in time and save her. I feel like I failed as a mother in a way because I couldn't protect her. Does anyone have any advice with trying to cope? Does the pain ever get any easier to manage? Thank you for reading my post, sorry it was so long.