Yuck, I know the feeling. I can't tell you how it will unfold, but I can tell you the rollercoaster gets less scary and crazy as time goes on. For me it was just a matter of recognizing that there wasn't much I could do but let myself experience and feel what I did and hope that was the best push toward healing. I think it has been.

7+ months later I still have an out-of-nowhere crying jag once in awhile, or need to write my baby a letter, or just have to take some time to sit still and think about him...the pain has lessened though. Knowing that it will someday feel better doesn't make it easier to handle, but if you understand that healing comes in lots of ways it might help you feel okay about your feelings and how they come. You are not alone in your guilt, jealousy, and wanting to get out of the funk, so at least I hope you don't feel alone or "wrong"!!!

This has to be the best way to describe how i've been feeling lately.. THE BEST!

I don't know what else to say, because you my dear, have said it al!

Hugs & Love

--Jenn

I'm there with you. The worse part of it is suffering from major depression in addition to everything.

It's almost been 7 months and I'm still just as lost as I was the day of.

Hugs, Love & Rainbows!!!
Nneka

You read my mind! I miss being a happy person. I find myself feeling so guilt for having a good day. Its been 2 1/2 months but some days it might have well have been yesterday.

that explains it all. I am also so sick of it all. And SCARED to even move on in any way, i am not sure how i will function in life anymore. One second i am OK and the next i am hyperventilating and on the verge of tears. I am at 4 1/2 months and days go so up and down still. I am crawling out of a few week long depression now, seems the numbness wore off and it was a hard cold smack in the face, again. I have been praying and reading the bible for strength, i feel at this point, God is the only one who can bless me with any kind of peace.

I am right in the same boat with you! This rollercoaster is the longest, hardest damn old rickety rollercoaster ever! Some days are great, others I feel like I'm reliving the entire experience from finding out I'm pregnant to finding otu she's gone in an instant. It all flashes before my eyes. Was it all a dream? I'm so sad...

You just wrote exactly how I feel. Today is a bad day and I still can't believe this happened. Other days when I feel OK I then feel guilty for not being sad constantly. I don't know how to live the rest of my life like this either. Put yourself first and let people know how you're feeling. Hugs, Pamela

Evelyn's 2 year heavenly birthday will be this coming June.Over time I've had good weeks but I'll tell ya if you don't let yourself sit and reflex / remember then it'll hit ya like a mack truck.

I had a spell there where I told myself I am all better and life was going to be better now. I have dealt with my grief and am ready to allow myself to be "happy" again. Nope, doesn't work that way. I had a breakdown because according to me all was better but my heart had a different plan. I have come to a point where I let myself cry when I feel like it (sometimes I have to pick a fight with hubby so he'll hollar at me which in turn makes me cry). I have a hard time getting the tears out but once they start, they come on fierce.

When I see a pregnant women who I don't know I somtimes feel jealous. The trick for me is to stop and think, "Maybe that is her rainbow baby." We never really know, right? It could be.

Love,

Tammy