I'm so very sorry for your loss. Turning back time I think is something all of us angel moms probably want to do, to hear that little heartbeat again and feel those kicks. I lost my first baby, Jane, to stillbirth almost 13 years ago and I can still remember what she looked like on the ultrasound when she was still alive, I remember where her hands were and the position of her feet, I can also remember how her skin felt and every tiny feature after she was born and Of course the pain and emptiness I felt when she was no longer with me is seared into my soul. You will always remember Kowen with clarity and longing but that unbearable pain and emptiness you feel right now will get better with time, I know that's hard to believe, but it will. I'm thinking of you, best wishes.

I am very sorry for your loss and can feel your pain. Stillbirth is unfortunately a condition in which most of the times doctors have no anwers for why it happened. And the mother knows about her loss after the baby's heart beat has already stopped and nothing could be done at that moment.
It has been 7 1/2 months since I lost my first and only son to stillbirth at 32 weeks and I too never got any satisfaying answers except that may be my sudden high BP cause the death of the baby. Even going and discussing the reports was very hard for me emotionally. I too wish I could turn back time but of course it is not possible and at the end I had to except God's decision.
Doctors say if everything in the report comes back normal you are lucky because you would have less chance of this happening again, but no one understands that we wanted our baby who was perfect and beautiful but still left us too soon.

I remember wanting to turn back time as well. I actually would wish to go back in time and go through labor again just to hold him one more time. Even though I knew he was gone I wanted to once again feel him in my arms. It's a horrible experience to have to go through and one that I wouldn't wish upon others. Know that I'm thinking of you. I do know how devastating it is to come home from the hospital with "empty arms." I just ached for such a long time.

I do know what you're going through and I am so very sorry about your loss. A big hug from me to you!

Thank you ladies, I just keep thinking, "how did this happen to us? To our baby?" This is something you hear about but never think it would happen to your family. Now that it has I am in shock to be learning how often it happens, when I met with the maternal fetal medicine doctor he kept saying this is "rare" finally I shouted at him in tears, "it's not rare!" unexplained still births happen 3 times more than SIDS deaths! How is it that every pregnancy isn't treated as high risk?? 13,000 unexplained still births a year in America and knowone talks about it... I know nothing will bring my baby boy back but I keep thinking if I had really known the risks maybe I would have known to go to the Dr sooner, maybe I could have saved my baby.

I am heart broken too. I lost my Ava and Phoenix after five other losses. I want to scream when doctors and other people shrug it off like its nothing. I went through all the complications I had only to loose them. Now I'm stuck with no babies. I can't go to Mother's Day event of any kind and want to move to a place that doesn't have Mother's Day or go to the ton of people's baby showers that are pregnant right now. They think I'm selfish because they say it's not about me but I'm past my breaking point since a long time ago. I'll never go to another again ever. I don't want a baby shower if I get pregnant again anytime soon because of all the losses I've had. We are trying again right now but no one that knew seems to understand that I lost not only a son and a daughter but their futures. It's not rare. This happens to women every day and it's sad. My biggest fear is that I loose another baby or get further along and loose my baby. I don't know what's wrong with me and it's going to be so expensive to run the tests to see why I keep losing babies. I'm scared sad depressed and just despaired. Nothing is the same and I'm left empty handed. It's been since are January and I'm getting worse not better. I don't understand people who act like I should forget and say it's for the best. It's not. I don't beleive that at all. It's for the best for them to be here with me, alive and healthy and growing, not dead. I have trouble understanding anyone who says they have "moved on" from any death let alone the one of multiple babies. I know I'll never get over it. It was seven years ago when I lost our daughter at 16 weeks. I get sadder every day and now I'm sadder because of the others I lost and Ava and Phoenix. I had an okay day at work but all of a sudden now I am down. I feel the same way right now. I was thinking the same thing before I saw your post. I just want them back.

I lost Madeline almost 3 months ago. I delivered her on Valentines day. Everyday is a struggle and this weekend coming up I know is especially hard for all of us. It is true what most say, that we never get over it, it just gets easier to live with. I agree that more people need to talk about stillbirth. To me it seems like no one ever wants to talk about it because it is just too uncomfortable FOR THEM!! We have a right to talk about our babies just like any other mother. My Dr also told me that stillbirth is rare and it P****D me off I yelled at her too. It obviously isn't rare, no one ever hears about it because no one wants to talk about. That is why I love this support group. There are a bunch of supportive ladies on here who know exactly what you're going through and we can talk about how we are feeling and know that we are not going to be shut up or judged. I am so sorry for your loss.

You're all so right. It's NOT rare. NO one talks about it and we should. We should shout this pain from the mountain tops just so that everyone out there suffering in silence no longer feels alone. This is not something we can just get over and it is CERTAINLY not "for the best". My baby was perfect, too. Full autopsy with a bottom line of "chord accident." I heard the same as far as at least it's not genetic so hopefully it'll work out next time. NEXT TIME?!?!? Can I put myself through all of this again??? We are trying but, sometimes the pain and fear are so intense, I feel like my heart will just shatter in my chest. I want the son I lost not someone else!

I was in the fortunate group of ladies that was able to have more children but I saw a quote recently that said, "Even if I have twenty more children none of them will be the baby I lost and I will still always long for her" almost 13 years on I find this to be true, however, I'm not crippled by grief anymore. My hearts go out to you all. Best wishes.

Sorry for your loss... I lost my first and only son close to a yr this month. I too, looked and searched for answers and questions as to why why me...or what did I do wrong... But as you can see it is unfortunate but it happens everyday. And I am Sorry that we all are going through the same difficult life journey.
I hope toucan find some peace in your heart...

They've put all this energy into the prevention of SIDS and that's great something needed to be done, but now they need to shift their focus to stillbirths. It is unacceptable that in this day and age so many people have to experience this.
The frequency of stillbirth has always been much higher than SIDS and yet that's where all the focus has gone and it's just because stillbirth makes people uncomfortable.

I feel like what took my son is the same thing as SIDS. I really feel like when a stillbirth is unexplained even after all the testing and Autopsy IT IS SIDS! It's the same thing, why are drs not connecting the two??? And why is it not talked about??

I am so sorry for your loss. To lose one is hard enough, but losing multiples or going through stillbirth multiple times...I can't begin to tell you how much I want to give you a hug. While I had heard about stillbirths before, I never knew that it occurred so much. The last thing any mom thinks about when they are pregnant is that they may lose their baby. I get so frustrated that there was no reason given as to why my baby had to die. All of our tests came back normal too. It's been 10 months and I just want my Amelia back.

I am so sorry for your loss. So many times I have told myself what I wouldn't do to go back in time and hold my Evelyn one last time. I still remember that day, that moment, like it was yesterday. It's been 7 months. She was cremated and brought home so I at least get to kiss her urn every day. It's been a tough journey for us all and we still have every day to battle. We will conquer each day even though some days might be worse but we will get through it. We are all here for each other.